EMPIRE
by hotaryu
Summary: It's a thing when two ambitious men cross paths, but what happens when a little queen crosses theirs? Meg Capet, noble-born and polite, is building an empire with all she knows. It's as good as gets - and a whole lot more. Pre-manga to manga. Implied OCxCanon Chapter 9: "My heart is set on a lusty pin," she whispered. A line of poetry, one of those things she wrote away at when she
1. The Great Unknown

**EMPIRE**

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**Summary:** It's a thing when two ambitious men cross paths - but what happens when a little queen crosses theirs? Meg Capet doesn't know it yet, but she will build an empire.

**Notes:** If you don't like OC stories, please give this a chance. I thought that Levi needed better OC stories, so here I am, a bored College student who wants to give some Levi love and make a good SnK OC. Please review! ^^

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**i.**The Great Unknown

* * *

**830**

"What do you want to be when you grow up?"

In the Great Hall, Lord Luthor Capet blared out his question. Seated by his side, his wife, Lady Helena raised her blond eyebrows with great concern. Lord Luthor was a noble, living tucked away in Wall Sina, in his great and wide estate, growing gardens and orchards and managing a banking business that flourished greatly. His red hair and well-made appearance marked him – he wore silk clothes, the best among the nobles. His question was addressed to his two young children, the two little redheads sitting together, their heads close together. It was matter for the future.

"I want to be like you, Father! I will be lord of the manor and run a business!" declared the boy, his voice shrill. His name was Kurt, and he had an indomitable energy to him. His red hair was uncombed and tousled. At his reply, his lord father guffawed in amusement and patted his wife's hand affectionately.

"That's a good answer, Kurt! Heir to the Capet indeed!" Lord Luthor raised his golden goblet and toasted his son's answer. His gaze fled to the girl.

At the tender age of five, Margaret, his daughter, was clever. Lord Luthor's late mother, Matilda Capet, had known it; she herself had made sure of his daughter's duties and lessons. Sewing. Singing. Learning to be a noble lady. The scholar and teacher and tutors at the estate would teach the girl to chart and map the stars, to argue in a fine point of grammar, to learn to use poisons. She would learn archery one day. The girl didn't possess her mother's conventional looks – a mop of red hair, and a certain shyness about her.

"Well, Meg, what do you want?"

"I want to be…" The girl's lip trembled. She cleared her throat and her gaze surveyed her family members. "I want to be a doctor. I want to heal the sick."

Lord Capet and his wife exchanged glances.

"My dear, don't you think it's a waste?" he asked, earning a nervous chuckle. "You're still young. Are you sure you can be a doctor?"

"I've thought it over. It would be nice if I became one," Meg replied earnestly. "I have you, Papa. I can cure sick people. Help people. I want to be of use."

"I think you would make a good one," Kurt declared. The girl blushed and looked away. Shyly. An awkward and shy girl she was, and a noble, too.

"Meg, you can forget about that," declared the lord. "You're a pretty girl. There are better opportunities than working. You can go stay here, and get married. Marry a nice rich man."

"I want to work outside of Wall Sina, Father." Meg's words were honest. "I want to help the poorer people. They need help, don't they?"

"Margaret is smart," Lady Capet put in. "She can be a doctor. She can work for the army, for the Scouting Legion as a medic." The woman winked. "My brother works for the Legion, and the medical division needs all the members it can find. She can be a doctor there. Help the soldiers. She can do her work. Her duty. Isn't it a beautiful thing?"

Lord Capet raised a hand.

"But dear, the Scouting Legion is full of soldiers who aren't fit to feel her touch! They're filthy! Wife, remember her fate; she is a woman! She cannot be a soldier!"

Lady Capet looked at her daughter with a sad smile.

"My lord, the question is not for you to answer. You may be Meg's father but Meg is the creator of her own destiny. She is a noble girl and marriage is a good option, but she has a dream. Think of her. Will she be happy if you marry her off to some noble years older than her and on the wedding bed, force himself on her to beget a son?" Lady Capet's voice was gentle but firm. It cracked like a whip – and the whole Great Hall fell silent. Lord Capet stared at her in a mixture of embarrassment, puzzlement, confusion, irritation and doubt. Of all the people to correct him, why was it his wife?

His love of his life, Helena, who was a renowned beauty among the nobles, who had to correct him. Helena was the mother of his children, a gentle soul who sat and sewed and did her duty. The woman who swore to adore him all the days of their lives as two people bound by marriage of political convenience and duty.

He was…

"Wife, remember that she is still six. There are other Houses who have sworn fealty to us, and they want to cement it. By marriage. They want Margaret. She is your daughter." As he spoke, the other ladies and lords looked away by default. "As my heiress and daughter, she is my only hope. I need her. Helena, our family needs her."

Helena shut her mouth.

What could she say?

This was pitting her word against her husband's.

But her brother or her lord husband.

Her brother and the cause. The Titans...

"Remember your place," Luthor went on. "She has a duty to the House."

"Yes, Father," said Meg.

That was she said, because she was seven, she was a plain child who was too shy for her own good, she was tiny and she was a noble who would one day leave the estate to give her body and her maidenhead and herself to another fellow noble who would not love her for herself and she was bound by duty and she was you.

-/-

**833**

"How is she faring?"

Three years were enough to bring more changes in the Capet household. Lord Luthor Capet over the course of three years, lost his wife, mourned for her, and set about making more changes to the way the estate was run. Kurt was prevented from fraternizing with his sister until his lessons in governing and economics and alchemy and science were finished. He had too many subjects to study. The boy was still a boy, but the loss of Lady Capet had sorely done something to the estate of the grand Capets. The business meetings and the governance of his vassals often took Lord Capet away from his family. Who often watched over the children?

The tutor, the governess.

"Your daughter?"

The tutor, Master Cox, was a pale man. Well-spoken for, gentle, and very witty, he was very educated. Clever and wordy, he presided over the lessons of both the Capet children. His hair was a mass of graying brown curls, and his face dimpled in the animation of his expression. Master Cox was a scholar, originally meaning to be a lawyer then he found his calling teaching nobles how to map the stars, the arts and sciences. He had written books and read so many books as many as the stars. Lord Luthor had been friends with him.

"Yes. I meant Meg – I mean Lady Margaret." Master Cox winced.

"Of course her."

"Ah. She is very good. Willing to learn, her nature is very kind and gentle. She would make a good nurse, or doctor. "

"I did not ask if she would make a good fucking doctor."

Master Cox chuckled.

"Fine. She does excellently. Full of self-leadership. A tad too shy, though. She is clever and accomplished enough for any noble man to take as a wife. She is sweet and gentle, and had a little of her grandmother, too. She can sing and play the lute and harp. She is clumsy at the dance floor and slow with it. She is average at cooking – and she likes her role as the lady of the manor. She is too willing to help the sick and poor. The girl's been having a bad time of it – she's been crying when she sleeps."

"Just like her."

"What?"

"Nothing."

Lord Luthor rubbed the skin on his nose. "So, Master Cox, do you think she is a good candidate for one of the Reiss uncles?"

The Reiss family.

"No. Our girl is too good for that."

"You know what she was born for. Thomas, you are too attached to her. If not the Reiss, who do I give her to? I have been getting marriage negotiations ever since Helena died. You know what my mother would say if she were alive. She would have spoiled Margaret. There is the Stark family, the Vane family and the Connor."

"If I were the king and I knew what she was, then I would secure her a chance to be a doctor. Not a lady."

"The royal family?" Luthor smiled. "A prince would do for her."

Master Cox sighed.

"You know, you don't know how much a value she will if she becomes a doctor. Send her to the Scouting Legion instead to learn to be a doctor, healing soldiers. The House will not suffer if you keep Luthor and send her out to the world."

"She has a duty to the House."

Master Cox smiled.

"She has a duty to humanity, too."

-/-

**835**

Dinner. A silent one – it was typically like this when Father was around. At twelve, Margaret was starting to fill in her curves. Her long hair was tied in two carrot-colored braids that hung past her shoulders. The servants were at the door, heeding beck and call of the Capets when it came to dinner. Kurt was munching hungrily on a piece of meat, and Master Cox was taking his time with his ham. Father sat at the head of the table, weighed down by his age and worry. He was at the family business, full-time, devoting himself to making House Capet great and known.

"Margaret, has anyone kissed you already?" Lord Luthor suddenly asked. The utensils were forgotten – heads turned at the red-haired lady. Her eyes widened with surprise. Her hands shook. She almost dropped the handkerchief from her lap. "No, Father. Why would someone do? I am kept inside Wall Sina and this house."

Master Cox eyed the girl with concern.

"Has any naughty stable boy touched you in places where he doesn't have any business touching?"

"Never." Her cheeks heated up.

"Have you ever wanted to steal something, Margaret?"

"Never."

Master Cox stiffened. He suddenly knew why Lord Capet was already asking the questions. He was checking if she was a maiden. His daughter was as pure as a nun. His daughter would be treated as a lady – she would be presented to other noble men and introduced and sold like an ox at a market. Men would love to get their hands on her – she was tall for her age and there was a hint or two of Helena's beauty in her. She was the daughter of one of the wealthiest Houses within Wall Sina.

"Your daughter is so pure she can catch a unicorn, Luthor," Master Cox stated. Kurt threw a worried face at his elder sister and then at his father. Why the hell was Father paying her attention after leaving her all these years to drown in lady-lessons and other studies? Of course he would sell her like a whore to other men, so that House Capet would get richer.

"Why. Why are you asking me such things that I know not of?" Meg whispered, her face pale.

"Margaret, you are young and pretty. You are the daughter of a powerful House. One of the richest Houses within the Walls. We are a powerful family. Your uncle is one of the most powerful leaders within the Scouting Legion. Your maidenhead is vital to the family."

"Is that because you are going to sell me like an ox to some man?" Meg's voice cracked. "Father, I don't want to marry! Not now. I'm too young! I want more things in life! I want to be a doctor, not a wife. I have more dreams!"

"Enough!"

"Maybe you should think about giving her some time!"

The two Capets turned to look at the speaker. Master Cox's voice was serious. His eyes sparkled. "Why not? Luthor, you can allow her to become a doctor, at least… Before you give her away. I am sure your brother-in-law is more than willing to accommodate his late sister's daughter. You know how much help the Scouting Legion needs."

"R-Really?" Meg's mouth opened in surprise.

"The Scouting Legion is too dangerous. Men I don't know will want their hands on my daughter. My daughter is not some local wench you can fuck and get away with." Luthor shook his head. "It's a horrible proposition. What kind of man will want her?"

"It is an honourable profession, to be a doctor in the Scouting Legion," Master Cox went on. "You do realize, Helena was originally going to become a nurse for the army herself until you wooed her and won her heart."

"Father, I told you already. I don't want to marry!"

Master Cox laughed.

"I want to become a doctor, Father. I want to help others. I can't stand it if I keep on living this way." Meg spoke calmly. "What is the purpose of my life other than being a woman? I am a woman with a woman's frail body, but I have a man's desire for purpose. You can't stop me. I want to be out there. I want to see the world. I want to see the sky. I want to be a doctor, so now!"

Luthor scowled.

"If that's what you want, Meg, then go leave the estate! Go become a doctor and die out of my own household! If you return alive, there's nothing but a marriage promise waiting for you!" He laughed bitterly. "You sound like your mother!"

The chair creaked as Margaret Capet stood up from her seat. The purple dress moved with her, her face twisting in a lady's attempt at anger. Her shoulders shook and her eyes flashed defiantly, blue fire. The veil covering her hair was practically ripped from her head and she tossed it on the floor angrily. Her footsteps were sleek, a loud staccato of rhythm. The door behind her slammed.

Master Cox sighed.

"See what you did?"

Luthor looked away. When he looked at the chair that Master Cox had occupied, there was no one there.

* * *

"Do you have any idea what you're going to do at this point?" Master Cox was breathless, as he took the reins of the horse. As he spoke, he bent his head to address the shapely figure beside him, a figure wrapped in trousers and boots from a boy from the lowborn population of Wall Sina. The figure was wearing a cap, and had blue eyes that shone. Fair skin that looked too clean to pass for a lowborn's, and a very feminine way to his movements. That night, he had followed the young lady out of the estate that recklessly, just to do his duty. Now that they were out of Capet land, what else could Meg even do now? She would no longer be of her own House's protection; was she that naïve to do such a thing?

The marketplace was full of thieves. Mobsters. If she got kidnapped by thugs, whose fault would it be now, if that happened? The underworld had several links in this very marketplace. At first sight, it was a typical marketplace – mosquitoes buzzing the commodities in here, plenty of people around, selling people, noise and crying children, food. It was a dog eat world out here. Could Meg even survive this? She was a soul that was too naïve, too pure.

Above them, hovered the sun.

"I've got it planned in my head," she whispered.

"Then what do you think you'll do?"

"I'll pretend to be a boy while here on the streets."

"Are you that stupid?"

Meg shrugged.

"I'll blend in. Besides, I took some things with me."

"What…things?"

"I took some water, a few clothes. I also figured out the address where my uncle is supposed to be."

"You know, it'll take a long time before you actually become a doctor."

"I know."

She blinked under the sun, a few strands of red hair falling flat on her forehead.

"Are you sure you can keep yourself safe?"

"Hmmm…yeah?" She giggled.

"Hmmm. You know archery."

"Yes."

"You can sew."

"Yes."

"You can sing."

"Absolutely. And dance."

"But you're not that good with a sword."

"Correct. My footwork sucks."

"How about the arrow and the bow, dear?"

"…"

"Did you forget them?"

She was blushing furiously as master and student paused in front of two men talking by the wall. One man was tall, well-built, and he was thin. A thin face, thin body. On top of his head was a bowler hat. His beard was slightly shaggy, and his skin was layered with dust. He was middle-aged, but somehow, well-dressed. The younger man was taller than Meg, and seemed to be close to her age. He had short black hair – and a pair of sharp eyes, that quickly noticed her. He was quite…hygienic-looking for someone who seemed to be of the smallfolk. There was something so steely and sleek about the younger man that made her heart race a beat, the chemistry he had with the air.

"Ohhh…."

The younger man took notice of her.

"Umm, excuse me," Meg began, her words spilling like roses, "I want to pass by. I hope you two don't mind if I pass by."

"My. My."

Meg's eyes widened again.

"I think you're scaring her," Master Cox broke in.

"Really?"

The younger man spoke. His manner was brusque, his eyes focused on her. The brilliant red of the hair strands that hung from her head.

"What do you want?" The younger man eyed Meg again. Interesting.

"I…just want to pass you two," began the stowaway, face paling and pinking. Her heart was reducing every minute the younger man opened his mouth and she could not believe his nerve. The very nerve. "D-Did I not say it properly?"

"Hmm…" His eyes glazed over her. "…"

"I apologize for Levi's behaviour," broke in the older man. Serious. He wore a solemn gaze. Nothing gave away the way he looked at the girl in boy's clothes.

"I-It's no p-p-problem!"

"It's just that you two seem…" Meg began, her rough accent suddenly fading in like the wind. Her voice became less shrill."-Almost suspicious."

The younger and older men looked at each other.

"Don't you think so?"

The older man brushed past the younger one. His footsteps were heavy. Then Meg could suddenly feel him. The light gliding of his own clothes on hers, the magnetic manner he possessed, that her suspicion was more than what she took. What would he do now?

"Don't you think you're also suspicious?" His voice was low, a stage whisper. Meg froze. Her blood ran cold. Master Cox's eyes widened. "Your accent betrays you, my dear."

What could he possibly do to her? Rape her? Kill her? Her heart was a drum. She was aware of how close he was to her – and how his younger friend eyed her. The innate violence in his aura, the way he had talked with his younger friend. What would they do? How messed up was this world? Why were they doing this to her? How could she comprehend it all?

"My- my accent?"

The moment his fingers locked in her arm – then she ran.

Out of sight.

Out of mind.

Out of fear.

Out of naivety.

She forgot. She wanted to do it so badly. She wanted to leave it all – her identity. Her suspicions. Her fear that the world was going to be cruel. Her disappoints in her own world. She wanted to forget the heavy stare of the gray-eyed boy on her, who seemed to be a few years older and seemed to be a man in another life, someone she would have loved to share late nights with, pondering life. The running – the air, the beating and pumping of her own body that told her to fear such men. The idea that they would kill her. The idea that she had been too naïve to actually foresee this was going to come sooner. She didn't notice how her cap fell as she ran – how her hair almost fell down, exposing her for what she was.

Safe and sound.

Dead.

How wrong would she be?

This life was only getting started.

-/-

"There's a brat outside."

"Who is it?"

"She claims she's your niece, Squad Leader Vane. She says she wants to be a doctor."

Squad Leader Vane looked up.

"Oh, really?"

"What does she look like?"

"Cute."

"Come on!"

"Hey, I was kidding."

"Just tell me."

"She's pretty young. Twelve, I estimate. Red hair, and a weird accent. Almost sounds like you sometimes. Skinny. Awkward, but she's got nice manners."

"What color are her eyes?"

"Blue."

"Let her in."

The door burst inward, and the girl went inside.

-/-

"What?"

"Meg, I want you to understand why."

"So… you want me to be a soldier, not a doctor."

"For a time being, yes."

"Can't I go back? I came here to be a doctor, not a soldier." Her voice cracked like a whip. "I…almost got assaulted."

Her voice was a whisper.

"Your father's already making negotiations for your marriage. This or marriage, my girl."

"Fine. Soldier. I accept it."

"Man, you're really stubborn, aren't you?"

She smiled brightly.

"I want to learn. I want to help out, at least. It's the least I can do. What am I, compared to a bigger picture? I was not born for myself alone."

-/-

**838**

"Aren't you excited?"

"Excited for what?"

"Tonight, we'll get to see actual men in uniform!"

"… Sounds nice." A bored tone, Meg's eyes were watering from the bright lights.

"Of course it is!"

"Really, I think I've seen better."

"Come on, Meg, don't you think it's nice to see an actual handsome soldier?"

"E-hem."

"I've already heard of plenty of stories. They're real men, Meg. And they are the ladykillers. Whores will give their own maidenheads to them if they even kept them! One of them… He is so fucking handsome that you, Margaret, will declare yourself to give your maidenhead to him!"

"SHHHH! Your language, Charlie!"

"Come on. This _**is**_ the military. Not some tea party."

"But we have propriety and structure, you do realize."

"Hmmphhh. Lady Meg, still the posh lady. It's graduation night, and maybe I can get lucky tonight. You're still young, and you're too…. stiff. Act like your age, my god. Loosen up. Maybe we can go drinking."

"Fifteen is too young to drink."

"It's not! We're going to be soldiers! I'll go to the Scouting Legion."

"So am I."

"Why didn't you join the Military Police? You were ranked 7th, if I am not mistaken."

"I have a cause."

"What is that cause, then?"

"Helping people."

"You've got the rest of your life to do that, you know."

"… Fine. I'll go drinking."

"This is going to be fun!"

"You know I am a klutz, so if you let me humiliate myself, I will seriously go hit you."

"Whatever!"

The assembly saw that everyone was there. There was Erwin Smith, one of the most popular Scouting Legion soldiers, who certainly fit in the "man in uniform" hotness that girls usually swooned over. He was charming, his posture was rigid and he was in control. Meg saw him – she saw the light that cascaded from the burning torches, the light in the eyes of her fellow graduates. The crowd rumbled, when he spoke, when his speeches and words left his mouth. He had some class, he reminded her of the lordlings she knew when she was younger, back when she lived in Sina, when there was sunlight, and dust over her face. That night, Erwin Smith spoke, and his voice bored and lived inside her ears, her heart, while her other friends yapped and yapped about how handsome he was, about the drinks waiting for them later once this ceremony was over. His words were fire, and she was attracted to them. A pretty future. The calling was too strong.

"…Meg?"

"Yes?"

"The ceremony's over."

"Oh."

"What were you staring at?"

"Nothing."

"Come on."

"Fine. I think I saw someone…familiar."

* * *

"What are you staring at?" Erwin Smith looked at his dark-haired companion. His voice interrupted the silence. His voice never cracked. It was amazing, to know such a thing. He was calm today. He had control down, and he was irresistible, a seasoned leader rising higher through his ranks.

"Why are you asking?"

"I was curious. You seemed bored…until you stared."

"I thought I saw someone."

_I thought I saw someone from all those years ago._

Red hair.

Blue eyes.

He had seen those features before. There was no denying it.


	2. A Matter of Talking

**EMPIRE**

* * *

**Summary:** First impressions last.

**Notes:** This is going to be tricky.

ii. **A Matter of Talking**

* * *

**838**

"Why so nervous? Meg, I thought you were supposed to be calm. Cool. Jeez. You're really so uptight, aren't you? Mistress Meg," teased a male voice. Jack Lithgow, aged ten and seven years and by far, the eldest among the trainees in the squad. The 87th Trainees Squad was composed of many people. There was Jack Lithgow, a man who could work hard with all his efforts. Charlie Hunter, Meg's friend, was a woman whose laughter was raucous. Her tongue could produce and spew racy jokes, as well as words that could make people weep and cry and laugh from comfort, relief and amusement. The graduates were being assigned and she was placed in a squad with Charlie, and Jack.

The nickname Mistress Meg and Lady Meg made Meg's stomach lurch. Jack Lithgow had come up with the nickname during the first day of classes. He had immediately noticed her red hair – and how she wore it. Tufts of long red hair always being braided up and bunned up her head to put it out of her way. Before testing for the 3MDG gear, Meg had put her hair up in a loose bun and set atop it with a pencil to secure the bun. While in the line, she had been daydreaming – then the youth had snatched the pencil from her bun. Proceeding to test the 3DMG gear, the girl had not noticed that the bun was frizzing loosely – and then her hair had gotten caught up in the gear. The youth then went on to make fun of her and as a result, Meg had taken greater pains to get her long red hair out of her way. Mistress Meg it became, for the way she carried herself, Mistress Meg, for her gentle manners, her way of talking and caring for others. Mistress Meg for the way she walked and greeted you, and the annoying way how her eyes went all soft and warm and liquid and her mouth spewed ladies' words like she was nothing but a parrot.

"Well, I'm human," Meg snapped back.

"I suppose so. I can't wait to see our new teammates!"

"Hmm, we're under the Commander himself – and by his side, there's a woman. They call her the Queen of Thorns."

"Oh, really?"

"Yes."

When Jack turned to look at her, his gaze was an intense brown vat of chocolate. His manner was stiff, and less boyish, and suddenly, she was fooled. That Jack would be so serious about it. The Queen of Thorns, thought Meg, her mind racing. What a woman she must be, to be called the Queen of Thorns. The Lord Commander was a strong man and to be with a woman they called the Queen of Thorns, it would be safe to infer she was his equal in calibre.

"They say she's clever. Her words are direct."

"Then she won't be that nurturing with us," Meg murmured. "Clever, direct. What else have you heard?"

"She's taken a fancy to Erwin Smith. That good-looking one the other girls were drooling over. Ohh – and to his friend, the short one. The one with gray eyes and black hair."

Meg shrugged.

"I didn't see him," she decided. A lie.

"You should remember him. He was looking at you."

"He'll be staring at me, then. My hair is 'carrots,'" Meg spewed drily. Her tone was acerbic. Carrots, she thought, was another intolerable nickname that her class had produced for her. Mistress Meg, for her manners, then now, Carrots. Her hair was the color of carrots – and she disliked it.

"Carrots, eh? You should have seen the way he was staring at you. He looks like he fancies the look of you."

"Lies."

"I'm not kidding, Mistress Meg."

"Oh, really? Why would some short idiot fancy me?" Her voice snapped, and raised louder.

"Because…"

Nothing could stop the silence from filling the awkwardness in. At this point, the two soldiers were in front of the door of the room, where their squad was supposed to be gathered.

"Because what?"

"Because…"

The answer never came, because wood burst inward – and out came a man in a Scouting Legion uniform. His eyes were sullen, a wolfish gray, and he was a panther in terms of frame. His brown jacket covered his muscular arms and there was a white cravat attached to his neck.

"Shit." Jack cussed.

The man turned to look at Meg and Jack.

His eyes were passive.

"The Queen of T-Thorns," Meg mustered. Her eyes locked with the man's. Blue and gray. "I-Is she there? Sorry if we disturbed you."

The short man's nose twitched in disgust.

"She is."

Jack and Meg swapped glances at each other.

"Your names."

Meg opened her mouth and looked at the short man in the eye. She held eye contact with him. Despite Jack's presence by her side, that very second when she met his eye, there was something that held there. Was it electricity? It unnerved her; she didn't plan to feel like this. What had she wanted? I want to help. Not this. A dash of an electric feel in the air, the wind bumping in the skin of her neck. His gray eyes were slow and liquid, stable and calm. His posture was rigid, straight but there was the intimidation that oozed from him like a fire that had yet to reveal itself from him. With the way she looked at him, it was easy to imagine that Jack wasn't there. Her eyes saw a whiff of his hand – and then God forbid, her heart raced so fast that her hands were getting clammy.

It was so tempting to think that – This was unforgivable.

"Capet and Lithgow."

"Lithgow, Capet." The man nodded.

"So is she expecting us?" This time Jack cut in the conversation.

_How polite,_ thought Meg drily.

"She is."

"What's your name?"

The man raised a brow.

"My name?"

"Yes," Meg put in.

The man gave her a quick look.

"Levi."

_See?_ Meg thought, _Look at the way he looks at me, Jack. He's not fancying me. Not by a long mile. You are obviously kidding me._

"Well, go in. You've delayed the meeting long enough."

Jack sighed and pushed Meg inside the room.

[-]

"Ah, finally, a rose among thorns!"

At the head of the table, there she was. A woman with a tongue as sharp as a blade, she was a beautiful woman. Her features were keen, her nose sharp and high, and her skin clear and moist. Her hair was a fountain of brown and her eyes were the color of emeralds, constant and unyielding. What was really striking was the way she carried herself – she was one of the men, with a big presence, with her large brown eyes, her dimples, and her toughness. This was the real deal. In her youth, she would be very attractive, with a strong sense of sex appeal oozing from her.

A blond head turned.

"So that's her?"

Meg blushed.

In the flesh. Erwin Smith.

Levi took the seat next to Erwin.

"Y-Yes. I'm Margaret Capet," Meg explained, her eye on the woman at the head of the table. So this was the Legion's Queen of Thorns. "Charlie Hunter's supposed to be with us, and I came here with Jack Lithgow."

The woman grinned.

"What was your rank in graduation?"

"I was in third place," Jack cut in. At once, the woman's eyes turned on Jack. Erwin and Levi swapped glances and put on serious looks. This was a woman, Meg observed, that you had to be careful with, especially with your decorum. One wrong word and you would not compete with her fury. She swept like a thunderstorm. Sharp. Witty. For a moment, she wondered – how was it like, to work under her. The woman.

"I wasn't talking to you, you oaf. I was talking to _**her**__. _Our only rose among thorns."

"Really, I'm no rose, my lady." The shy reply escaped her lips. There was no stopping the polite and gentle tone from her lips. "Just a willing maiden."

The woman laughed.

"Isn't she precious, Erwin?" The woman looked around and unapologetically, hit the table with her fist. Two large cracks resounded across the wooden table. "I want my snacks. I need tea. I asked for it. Erwin, can you tell the orderlies to get me back my cheese? And also tell them our precious rose needs to eat her snacks."

"I told you already, my lady"-_oh damn, I said it again,_ thought Meg irritatedly-"that I'm not a rose. I graduated at seventh place, my lady, I am afraid."

"Have you heard yourself speak? You talk like an heiress. You carry yourself like a princess who is saving her body for her husband." The woman frowned. "Erwin, I need to eat."

Erwin stood up from his chair and exited the room.

"Do you know why you two are in this room?"

Jack grinned.

"Because you are convinced we're pretty gifted. And also, we're three. Charlie's still..um… delayed."

The woman sighed.

"In this room, I have Erwin Smith and Levi. I added Charlie Hunter, Jack Lithgow and Margaret Capet to this collection. Also, there is also Hanji Zoe in the mix. I've chosen you all for special reasons, and one of them is to take you all under my tutelage, as my squad. Commander Shadis chose Erwin Smith first, and I took Erwin Smith under my guard. The man has plenty of potential and smarts, and well, Levi, has great skill with the 3DMG gear. Hanji Zoe, as absent as she is, possesses one of the greatest and most curious minds on the field."

"So you do want something from us," Jack declared. His eye froze on the woman. He was not terrified of biting on to her. Hold onto her for something.

"Your skills. You graduated third, and Charlie graduated eighth place. Our little rose came in seventh." The woman wasn't going to allow Jack just easily to come biting at her. She had true bravado in her mouth. She was not willing to let him claim the price of bravado this easily. Jack was testing uncharted waters this way. "Now, are you aware of these certain skills that made me choose you? I've talked to your instructor."

Jack laughed.

"I'm quick in battle. Also, I did well in the written tests."

"And Charlie…"

"Charlie's a good tactician."

"And Capet?"

"M-Me?"

Meg blinked.

"I came in seventh. All I remember is that the instructor was well, hard on me," she murmured. It was a true story. He did say she was clever, but she did not really believe in such a thing.

"Your gift is something you still have not seen yet, sweetling. You're a good soldier, don't worry." The woman yawned. "Now, now, why is that Charlie Hunter taking so long? And my food, too."

"Erwin will come back," Levi answered her, his voice blunt as a razor. "He always gets the job done, Captain."

The woman nodded, almost placated at Levi's answer.

"Capet, you have a gift. You're perfect."

Behind her, Meg could imagine that Jack was sniggering and snickering at her.

"Now, why is Erwin taking so long, though?"

Jack chuckled.

"And why is Charlie taking so long?" he whispered, his lips tickling Meg's ear. Meg's forehead twitched. Charlie. Charlie. Why did Charlie have to miss this? Charlie usually got late to classes a lot, and liked doing things at spur-of-the-moment. It annoyed her a lot, too. Not to mention, Charlie could be a huge trouble maker. With the men, it was a tricky story. She got into fights easily, too – and had a mouth that ran like a sewing machine. Before joining the trainee squad, Charlie's hand had been promised already to a cousin; her family in Trost was bankrupt and a cousin who ran a bakery business had agreed to marry her to keep her in line. Whatever schooling Charlie had was rather little; her father had said Charlie's mouth was too quick for her. Sometimes, she thought too fast and the thoughts would leave her mouth too fast that it got her into plenty of trouble that much. However, Charlie thought best on her feet, running. It was a weakness and strength too prominent to ignore in her nature.

"Maybe she got into a fight on the way."

"Maybe she enjoyed her breakfast too much and demanded thirds."

Laughable.

Charlie loved to eat. It was a known fact. It was she who loved to hoard food from the kitchens inside her dormitory room with Meg. Sometimes, in the weekends, when she felt like it, she could cook and bake things. It was one of her rare times when Meg actually saw her calm. When she cooked, anything she touched became divine. The kitchen would smell of dough, cakes – the smell of the old food back at the Capet estate, the sweet pastries Meg loved to mess up with the cook. When Meg helped her, Charlie appreciated it.

"Your food's here."

When Meg looked at the open door, her friend was there .

Charlie's hair was messy. Her face was clean, but there was just something wrong with her. Aside from the fact Erwin was practically _supporting_ her, there was this unquenchable stench. The smell of alcohol.

"Oh, shit."

The cuss word left Jack's mouth, and Meg frowned.

"Oh, Charlie, don't tell me you got drunk," Meg muttered to herself in a low voice.

"I look like shit, don't I?" Charlie shrugged and limped to the chair placed next to the chair where Meg was occupying. She mouthed a lousy thank you to Erwin, who nodded curtly and took his seat beside Levi formally, as if nothing happened.

How did he not laugh? How could he take her so seriously? Meg was pretty shocked about it. Here was a female recruit practically leaning onto him for support and not to mention, she was in a hangover. The party for graduation obviously was the culprit. Unless you actually thought about it and came to the conclusion that the girl did get herself drunk on the wine served. In Sina, such behaviour would be shameful for a woman – especially if her family was from a great House, like Meg's. Women were supposed to act prim and proper. Wear their hair in braids and buns, wear skirts, and curtsy, to answer to their lords and obey and wait on their families hand and foot.

"Don't tell me you're drunk," Meg whispered. "What happened to you last night, really?"

"I had tons of fun. Unlike you."

"Excuse me, I had fun."

"Fun? If you call drinking tea and eating all those honey cakes and cookies fun! I had fun with the others. We went drinking and the guys played a game with us, while you were practically draining the kitchen of honey cakes."

Meg blushed; honey cakes were a guilty pleasure.

"Don't tell me playing games with men is fun," she retorted.

"Really, you should stop acting like an old lady, Meg. Look at you! Surrounded by the likes of Erwin Smith! Maybe one of these days, you'll get your wild side on and have fun with him."

"I will pretend you didn't say that."

"Can you two be quiet?" Levi snapped.

"It was her," fired Charlie and Meg at the same time.

Before they could get angry at each other, the woman accepted the dish from Erwin and ate.

"Anyway, all of you will be placed on my squad altogether. I want to watch over you. All of you have to watch your backs for one another," the woman went on. It was becoming clearer and clearer to Meg why she had to see this woman as the Queen of Thorns. "You are all a team. I expect you to keep to each other. It's hard to find someone you can trust nowadays, especially in the military. In your shifts off the military, you should try to get used to each other, do you hear that?"

"We know," Erwin answered her.

No one said anything to that.

"That means you will spend time together as a group. Warm up to each other. Squad Thorn, that's what you are now. A single unit."

Erwin nodded. It seemed safe to assume that the next head of authority if this captain would not be around would be Erwin, Meg deduced.

"Now all of you are dismissed."

At that, the chairs shuffled. The door became the automatic place to go to for this. Jack eyed the door intently, and Meg let her shoulders relax. After this, she would talk, with Charlie and maybe acquaint herself with Erwin and Levi, or maybe get her shift hours in order… Maybe even she could visit Squad Leader Vane, the uncle who had gotten her into the military. After all, she needed to see him as soon as possible. Three years of letters compared nothing to a visit in person. Would he cry? Jump in joy? Worry? Anyway, maybe she had her duties in order now.

"Except you, Capet. I want to talk to you."

"M-Me?"

What did she do this time? Was it because Levi had overheard the conversation between Jack and her? Was it because she was a freak? The awkwardness was too strong.

[-]

Now, they were no longer surrounded. The woman offered Meg a smile that reminded Meg of a cat. Her green eyes sparkled. She was more alive than necessary for a woman with her age. This woman didn't deserve to be called the Queen of Thorns for nothing. Her presence was strong but so was her voice. It was obvious she was some kind of collector; she liked choosing pretty things. Things, that had plenty of value in them, and it was obvious to Meg that the woman favoured Erwin and Levi a lot. Levi, according to the woman herself, was plenty useful with the gear, and Erwin, they said he was a natural leader, and as cunning as a chess player. The world was his chessboard.

And where did Meg sit with this? She couldn't imagine herself being useful in a squad with Erwin Smith. Her tendencies seemed to differ from his. His world was different from hers. She was as naïve as a little baby compared to her squadmates, she thought. Twelve years stuck in an estate in Wall Sina, taught to bake, to hold a lute and sing, to use herbs and to be a lady of the manor. What was that? She had nothing to be proud of, Meg thought nervously. She just did what was asked of her. But still, what did the Queen want from her? She had wanted to help.

"You're not like your other squad mates, Capet."

"I'm a freak, Captain." Meg hung her head, her face ablaze. "What am I compared to them? I'm just nothing. I'm fifteen and they're older than me. They know more than me. They know what the world's like. Me, I've seen little of the world. I'm just a girl who knows how to capture a unicorn. I'm not a tactician. I'm not that good with weapons."

"You're not a freak, Capet."

"Then why the hell did you put me into this squad?"

"This will be tricky to explain." She laughed. "You're a _shrewd_ little thing. You're clever, you know how this whole thing works. I've done digging about you – the Capet family, you're from one of the richest families in Sina."

"Whole thing…" The puzzle pieces had clicked. "So, you mean, politics?"

"Of course, I do! You do realize, you know things, and you have things that are valuable to use, for the sake of the Legion and what's left of humanity. You speak and carry yourself like a lady; you can emphathize easily. You have compassion with you. You have plenty of potential for leadership, and you would be a great piece for me to play. You're attractive, Capet. Your words, your deeds, they can help us."

"You are telling me I know how to play political games."

"And people are drawn to you. You're a kind woman, and a shrewd one, if need be. I won't be always there, forever, Margaret Capet. I'll need someone to mend into someone who can replace me."

"Me?"

"Of course. It had to be you. You would understand, out of all the girls I've scouted. You know how politics works. You have a good heart. You are smart. You are willing to learn. "

"I am willing to learn. I'm not born for myself."

"The Scouting Legion needs a woman who can be the Queen. I want you to want to be a queen."

"A queen?"

"A woman who will know her way to deal with royal politics, who talks to the royal council if need be. A woman who will help our cause. A woman who will deal with military politics like a queen."

"And that will be me."

"Yes."

"Your cards lay in your training. I wanted to teach you the ways. I can make you a great leader. A queen. Keep Erwin by your side. He will help you."

"And Levi?"

"He is a knight."

So this was indeed a chessboard.

"Challenge accepted, Captain," Meg murmured.

"You and I will be a good team. I'll teach you to be a queen. To talk and carry yourself like one."

"Yes, ma'am."

"Don't call me that."

"Then what shall I call you?"

"Call me Captain."

"Ah."

"We will have private lesson sessions thrice a week. I will teach you things you will need. Manipulation. Strategy. Elocution. Business. Economics. Your manners are tons better than Levi's."

Meg giggled.

"That's true," she allowed herself to say.

"Your instructor allowed me to look at your progress in being a soldier. You won't do too badly, I assure you. Since it's your first year, Erwin and Levi will have to be hard on you."

"I'm prepared for that."

"What do you think of Erwin?"

"He's a great leader. Handsome, strong, he'd make a fine House Lord one day, if he were a noble. Cunning. He knows what he wants – and how to get what he wants."

"You don't have to be too formal with me, my girl."

"Eh?"

"Tell me what you _personally_ think of him. Do you want him in your bed? Don't you want to feel his arms around your waist?"

"E-eh?" Meg's eyes widened. "W-Why would I want that? I really don't want any man in my bed. I'm just fifteen, and I don't have any intention to do reckless things."

"Go on."

"I think it'd be good to acquaint myself better with Erwin. And Levi, too. I need to watch Charlie's back. Also, there's also Jack. "

"I find it funny you don't see Erwin in a romantic light."

"Eh? I don't really see why I should. We are squadmates, after all."

"How about Levi?"

"Levi? He seems pretty passive to me. Steady. I like it – but I'm nervous of him. He reminds me of a panther. Deadly, poised, a little unruly. Young."

"Jack?"

"Ah. He's just being himself, nothing wrong with that but he is unpredictable. He hates being restrained. He has a good head on his shoulders, but he… He can be cruel. He was cruel to me when we were classmates, and he needs to be taught some discipline with regards to others."

"Cruel?"

"During the first day, he messed up my hair and my hair got caught in the gear. Then one time, he called my hair 'carrots'. He loves playing practical jokes on me. And he is pretty rude, and can be selfish, too." Meg sighed.

Captain laughed.

"Do you have any qualms about the kinds of things you'll do for your cause?"

"Me? Nothing."

"Good. You see, a woman has many ways."

"Ways?"

"Yes. Sometimes, if needed, the one between her legs. Sometimes, her ability to make peace. Her ability to spew words saves her. You are a woman – and you need to use that in itself to save yourself. Sometimes, she needs to show skin. Other times, she needs to act. Sometimes, she will need to look pretty and doll herself up. "

Her glance at Meg made the girl stiffen.

"Are you willing to do such a thing?"

"I am."

[-]

After this, Meg thought as the captain dismissed her, she would be getting some rest. Visit the Vane uncle. Mayhap, send a letter to Rose and her younger brother. After all, home was just a concept. Military life would be tough, and she needed to have a fill of home, where the sun shone, where her brother and sister waited for her with open arms and happy smiles. Home.

When she left the room, she didn't notice to see the lingering dark shape on the wall of a turn on the corridor.

"Hey –"

But the shape was too fast – and she reacted. The contrast in their movements was too large. She was dealing with a predator. Swift, and accurate – while her manner of movement was to stare, open her mouth, let her mouth coax this animal into decency, pet it. The rush of hot air, and the close brush of jackets against the wall. Skin lightly tapped on skin. The clash did not have to be so slow to commence - the mere clash of aura proved enough. Shock. Guilt. Displeasure. No touches should be exchanged - that was what both going in through their heads. Slipping on the surface of the wall, the mere grab at her wrist practically _**burned** _her skin. The contact was like a vat of warm water - it was like she was _compelled_ to join in the contact. She pulled away - and he tugged, and then more clashing. Skin on skin. Muscle on muscle.

_A lady does not let some thug touch her._

Levi looked at her – and he let go of her. She took a few steps away from him, eyes incredulous, her posture rigid. Sweat laced their faces and the skin beneath their clothes.

"I overheard you again."

"Spying on me again?"

"…"

"Well, spit it out, Levi," Meg declared. She rolled her eyes. For now, she would ignore the fact that Levi seemed like a thug. Ugh. Forget that. She would be careful with him at this rate. The tension in his fingers almost terrified her. This was a killer she was dealing with. What could he have done to her? "What do you have to say to me? What did I do to you?"

"Capet, you should be careful of whatever comes out of your mouth and head. You're not a queen. You're a soldier like the rest of us. What makes you think you're better than the rest of us?"

"I'm willing to work," Meg replied. "You're a soldier. I'm a soldier. Does that make one of us greater than the other?"

Levi's nose twitched. _Well, well. Looks like this one thinks she's so smart._

"You don't like me, do you?"

Her tone was softer.

"You're a comrade. It's a fact we both can't ignore," Levi replied. "And you acknowledge the fact we are both soldiers."

"Then I take it you're fine with me?"

Levi's reply was to scoff.

"Well?"

It was a demand, this time.

"I'm just going to warn you, to do your job. Know your place, Capet."

"It's not just Capet. It's Margaret. _**Meg**_."

"Tch."

"I will make an empire for the Legion, if that will be my job. I don't care, I know I can do my job, Levi. I was not born for myself alone."

He loosed his hold on her collar.

"An empire, you say? You're not a conqueror. You're a little bird."

"I'm not. I'm _**Meg.**_"

"Then that makes me Levi."

A snort.

"Aren't you going to –"

"I'll do what needs to be done, then. I apologize if I was rough."

Meg acknowledged it with a nod.

"Say, do you want to go have a cocoa drink with me?"

This would be the most logical way to warm up to Levi. Maybe if she got to know him more, maybe she could _help_ him. After all, he didn't seem so bad after all. There was this stability in him. Also, a little bit of unpredictability that she found unnerving. He seemed to be quiet. Introverted, like her.

"You're sweaty."

"Not my –"

"You're still filthy."

"Ugh. Can you ignore the fact I do have some sweat in my shirt?"

"No."

"Still no?"

Meg sighed.

"You're sure as hell asking me to go eat a meal with you when I don't."

"What's wrong with that? I do want to eat a meal with you."

"I sure as hell won't."

"Why?"

"Hn. I've got better things to do."

Rejection.

"Sir!" Her protest was soft.

He raised a brow, cranky.

"You need to explain –"

"I don't have time to be dealing with you right now."

[-]

"Charlie's your name, right?"

Here she was. All alone in the cafeteria. Sitting in front of Erwin Smith. Breathing the same air as him. Practically in front of him. Her heart skipped beats, her hands were clammy and slippery. Her mind was jumbled, her brain and nerves trying to accept the fact she was placed on the same squad as _**the**_ Erwin Smith, who was legendary among women and men in the Scouting Legion. Unlike Meg who technically kind of lived under a rock when it came to some things, Charlie lived in the moment, the tempo and the speed of time and living. Touch. Feel. Smell. Away from her, Erwin was practically a god.

"Yes."

"Did you go out drinking last night?"

"I did."

Erwin was a respected senior by more years. Erwin, to judge, was tall. Heavily muscled, and he had a nice facial structure. Years of using the 3DMG had toned his body so well. His brows were thick and arched, his nose strong and his jawline edgy like the jawline of a sculpture placed inside the home of a Wall Sina noble. His eyes were nice. Blue. Like ice, thought Charlie. A blue that was colder than the blue in the eyes of Meg. They said he was like a scholar – intelligent, cunning, he could be ten steps away from you when you played chess with him. Yet Charlie herself, she had never seen him as a scholar. A warrior. A good-looking soldier. Time to swoon.

One you could swoon on.

"Ah. Miss Hunter, what do you do enjoy in your spare time?" Erwin leaned forward.

"Me? Ah." _Dreaming about you,_ Charlie could joke. What could she think of? There was baking with Meg.. Hmmm. She wanted his approval, Charlie did. She wanted Erwin Smith to think she had a good personality.

"I like to eat. I bake. I like physical activity."

Why the heck was he asking her such things? It really didn't seem to be his business to go around asking; he was a prodigy, that was what she heard, at least. Smarts and calculation didn't exactly smell good in Charlie's face, anyway. Charlie liked being in crowds, she liked moving, because she had a direction – or she could go run and run all day, feel the sweat gather in the back of her shirt, or even get lost in the sensations of energy running through her body. Theories bored her; unless you needed some practical advice, it was better to throw and toss the rule and the book out the window. Charlie was a tactician - and she valued practicality. It mattered in life or death. Not a fucking _theory_.

"Is that all? I'm sure a pretty girl like you has more to you."

_He called me pretty._ Charlie sighed.

"I beg to differ at your comment, Smith," Charlie replied. "Meg's prettier than me. She's more ladylike. Has nice manners. Acts like a lady. "

"Really? Does she?"

"Of course she does." Charlie let the tension run from her shoulders. "She smiles at you a lot, never raises her voice most of the time, at least. She doesn't slouch; her diction is so formal you'd think she was a princess. She sings well, she's never kissed a boy." Charlie grinned. "Maybe I should ask you, Erwin Smith, about your hobbies."

"We were talking about _you_, Hunter."

"Charlie. I insist. You just called me pretty, that's what you said."

"I'm not kidding. It's about time, I say, that Captain Thorn put some pretty ladies in our squad. We got that covered – you and Capet. Not that Hanji Zoe is not attractive."

"Hanji Zoe?"

"Yes."

This time, when he said the name, it had none of the caprice he had when he called Charlie pretty. Erwin Smith. A man. A mystery. Did he actually call her – and Meg- pretty? Was he lying? Was he not? Charlie knew that she was supposed to trust him. After all, he had persuaded the soldiers to pick the Scouting Legion. Even Meg had listened.

"Isn't she the one who is crazy about Titans?"

Queer. A soldier who was crazy about Titans. Unbelievable. Almost impossible. How could a soldier be so fond of its enemy? That was weird. Crazy. What kind of woman was this Hanji to be capable of such things? When Charlie had heard the rumors, she had refused to believe them. But then, Hanji was smart. They said she was smart. They said she was a genius. A genius she was, that was what Charlie thought – a genius who gave into madness. Hence, the result was her love for Titans.

"Not necessarily, crazy."

"Then what would you call Hanji Zoe then?"

"Unconventional."

"Hmm. In a bad or good way?"

"It depends on your perspective, Miss Hunter."

[-]

"What did you call me for?"

The old man laughed. "Still sassy as ever, Officer. I need to check on your injuries from your last expedition." Squad Leader Vane, that was what the old man had been. Now, what was he supposed to be? He was now assigned to the Medical Division, looking at patients with soft blue eyes that could win people over. The Old Man, as Levi liked to think of him, was rather gentle with the patients. He talked to them a lot. It was also nice, that the man was a good medic –the tonic the man had prescribed the last time they had met was effective.

Levi grunted and pulled off his coat. The injury had healed, thanks to the tonic, and the injury had been a wound at his shoulder. Slowly, his fingers unbuttoned his shirt, and he took it off. The injury in his shoulder was fine – but it would mark.

The old man inspected it for a moment.

"Well, I guess the tonic worked."

"It did."

No need to use that tongue, Levi thought. That tongue. His manners were too soft. Especially for a man of his military experience. No need to dig up the files on Vane; Vane was a veteran, and a strange one. Vane was a man Erwin Smith respected, and a man who was doing well. There was something loose, a few screws a little loose. Vane's collar was dirty, and his hair was messy. Sweat decorated his face, and his eyes were keen but were liquid, unsteady.

"So, I heard you got new squadmates. How are they?"

"How is that any of your business?"

"I'm…curious." A smile in the man's voice; he wouldn't have to fool this one. "It doesn't hurt to hear details about your life. It makes things more bearable, especially for a job like mine."

"Two females, one male."

"How do you find them?"

"Naïve. A bit too young, but what choice do I have in it?"

"Who's your Squad Leader, anyway?"

"It's the Queen of Thorns. Caroline Thatcher." Nosy as usual.

A pregnant silence followed.

Caroline Thatcher was controversial. No doubt about that. It was either you worshipped her or you hated her. She was a storm, she came at people with weapons and hit you with it. In her prime, Levi had heard rumors, in her prime, that the woman was oozing plenty of sex appeal. A bombshell in her younger days, educated, and a born leader, she was seasoned to lead and fight for the sake of humanity. She didn't belong here; she deserved to be a noble matron, head of a noble House. She would have done much better than the Survey Corps.

"Amazing woman."

The man's eyes locked with Levi's. Blue; that damn familiar manner of looking at him.

"Ah, Levi. Your shoulder's fine, but next time you go on an expedition, you'll need a new medic. Unfortunately, that's not me. I think you have someone in your squad who can take care of that. I'll send for her later."

_Her._

"I need a medic to patch me up, huh?"

"Of course your squad does. Say hello to her for me, will you?"

The blue eyes.

The impeccable manners.

It was too obvious.

"Ah, Capet."

"I'm glad you pieced it out."

"I talked to her. She was…." What words could describe it? The wall. Him. Her. His grip on her. That was too reckless. He hadn't expected she would be reactive to him. She was seventeen, a few years younger than him and Erwin, and in ways, there was something in her that reminded him of a baby. A baby who didn't belong here. "She was clingy."

"Oh. Tell her I said hello."

"Hn."

[-]

Out of the shift, once her things were fixed, Meg thought that she could take a stroll outside, walking around Trost. Once inside her room, she had taken off her clothes and put on a decent civilian outfit. Ripped the bun constricting her long hair, and let it loose to her waist. She had slipped on a smart and nice light green dress and a coat, and some slippers. To her surprise, out of her private room, Jack had been waiting for her. There he was, looking smart. His black hair was combed, and he looked great, in a gray scarf, beige coat and pants, with leather shoes. It made him look mature - if it were not for his dimples. Wordlessly, he extended his arm out to her and she had taken it. Together, the two had slipped out from the HQ, and walking casually around Trost. Just two young soldiers in civilian clothes, keeping warm, keeping close.

Minutes passed by – Jack's arm with her. Jack's hand intertwining through her fingers. His fingers wound around hers, and the touch was warm but light. This wasn't like Levi's fingers, Meg thought; Levi's fingers were lightly callused but well-kept. Jack's hand was younger than Levi. Clean, but no calluses. Still, it was kind of weird. Why did Jack hold her hand? Why did Jack have the nerve to wait for her? It was as if he was a prince.

"Don't you ever wonder what's out there?" Meg found herself mumbling. Walking beside Jack was weird. He smelled like peppermint, and ginger. Something stronger oozed from him, though. A perfume that was highly familiar to her – he smelled like her father.

"Out where?"

"Beyond the Walls."

"Is that why you joined?"

"To explore the world? See what's beyond the Walls, you mean, Jack?" She spun her head, her hair lightly brushing against his face. "Part of it, it is."

"I see." Jack chuckled. "I've wondered a few times myself, Mistress Meg. Have you truly tried to wonder yourself, about that?" When he spoke, it was like he was not the Jack Lithgow who seemed so long ago, had called her hair carrots, or the boy who had teased and backstabbed her so often behind her back. At least, that was what she _thought_. Maybe he kept it as a façade. There was so much to him, things she wouldn't know, because she kept to herself, and her priority was going to do well, while he was just so good at everything. Girls fancied him; men wanted to be him and he, he was smart. When he said her name, Meg thought, this time, he said it like she was a statue.

"I've heard stories. About this beautiful body of water. It's out there. I want to see it."

He shook his head, his eyes shining.

"And where have you heard such stories?"

"From my childhood, when I had a family, and siblings who I took care of. " This was the first time she mentioned her personal life, and history. Her siblings now no longer had her. Was she telling him too much? Inwardly, she mentally panicked. No one was supposed to know such things, these things explained and gave away too much. It was too bad she had been mocked at for being too clingy when she had been a trainee, and now, what else could she do? Jack was a squadmate, and worse, Erwin, and Levi, too.

"Who told you such a story? I'm pretty curious. When I was younger, I never took it on myself to think about things."

He glanced at her – and she bit her lip.

"Eh, Meg? Cat got your tongue. I want an answer."

"E-Eh-" She closed her eyes and walked on.

"Meg?"

Yes. She was walking ahead. Farther. Farther. She was a coward, she thought. Avoiding all these questions. Such questions made her nervous. Her hands were clammy. Her cheeks were on fire. Her own tongue was a traitor. Just go leave Jack and go back to the HQ, that would be the next course of action – Her foot slipped on something in the ground and she found herself slipping. Oh, damnit! She closed her eyes. Damn. She would just have to pretend – instead of landing on the ground, she felt arms grabbing at her arms.

"MEG!"

Jack's voice rose.

"Are you okay?" A deep voice. Oddly, it sounded so familiar.

Meg frowned and she opened her eyes.

_Oh, God's thumbs!_

Her savior was not alone. He was in the street, walking, too, with two male friends. One was tiny, with short black hair, and wearing a black coat over a collared shirt. The other had a beard, and brown hair. His nose was twitching, as if he was smelling her. Her savior had blue eyes, combed short blond hair, and he was tall, muscled.

Two of the men seemed familiar, then it just clicked.

"Oh, thanks for saving her, Erwin!"

Erwin Smith had caught her just when she was about to fall.

_This. Is. So. Embarrassing. _

Erwin Smith, she thought, may have saved her and caught her, but then it had consequences. One of his friends – the one who was looking with eyes that told a thousand stories and said none of them behind his sullen expression, was eyeing them.

Obviously, he didn't like it.

[-]

"You know, you didn't have to save Capet from tripping in the street."

"I know."

"Why did you save her? You will put ideas in that girl's head." After all, she gave everything away. The girl would swoon over Erwin – and neglect her task as part of the squad. He could not and would not stand for it.

Erwin looked back at his friend, slightly amused.

"Ideas? Who said she was having them in the first place?" Erwin blinked. It was amusing, to see Levi act like this. "If I didn't save her, what do you think might have happened? You know our leader wouldn't like Capet getting into an accident."

"I don't think she's going to get into an accident if you didn't save her. I've seen her type far too many times."

"…Type?"

"Prim. Spoiled. Her accent betrays her – as well as her table manners. She's just a little bird. She will die, eventually." Levi had a good eye – but then, so did Erwin. Thatcher, Captain Thatcher had groomed Erwin herself, keen to support him and his cause. Levi was to be groomed – even if it meant getting into a physical fight with him.

"The Queen thinks she's clever."

"Clever she may be, but strong is she not. Capet thinks she's so great. She needs to be put in her place." Levi didn't favour the girl with his words. His words damned her. The girl was almost a child, with her manners. There was a soft-skinned girl. One with a dreamy look in her eyes, and a shock of electricity in her mind.

"How are you going to do that, then?"

There was a silence that bordered on thinking, not speechlessness.

"Firstly, she needs to get ideas out of her head." _Ideas, indeed._ Capet had her head buried in the clouds, her nose buried in books, and whatever things Thatcher was teaching her. Majority of her training time was spent with Thatcher; when Levi passed by Thatcher's office, more often than not, he could hear the two women talking – the younger girl would be practicing rhetoric, flowery speeches, and sometimes, he heard dance music playing. Sometimes, she sang at a high pitch his ears ached and his head ached, and his irritation level swept off the roof. Every word from her mouth, in that irritating manner her mouth procured words, it made him detest her the more. A pig. A pig who knew nothing at all. The girl knew nothing – and she was a little bird.

"Who said she was having ideas about me? You know very well, it's hard to resist a man like me. The girl still hasn't touched a man," Erwin chuckled grimly.

[-]

"Are you sure you know what you're doing with Capet?"

"Of course, I am. Why are you asking me? I'm the captain, I know what I'm doing. Out of all the people who had to be asking…"

"The brat is a child. She shouldn't be here."

"Tch. She's a child. She's willing to learn."

"Willing to learn to kill?"

"She chose it, not me. She wanted to obey. She wanted to _help_."

"It is still not enough. At the end of her first expedition next week, when she's dead, do you think by that time, she will be happy she wanted to help?"

"I spend more time with her than you. I know her more. You don't get her, do you?"

"The girl is a brat. She's a child. For hell's sake, the wench ended up tripping in a street in Trost. If it weren't for Smith's fault, then she would end up in the infirmary, unconscious – and being useless."

"You don't like her?"

"I don't like her attitude."

[-]

"So… how's your first day so far?"

"I…got tired. Jack's acting… queer. He's never nice. Not to me. Until now." Meg squeezed her eyes shut. "Sometimes, boys confuse me. You don't know what they think. You don't know what they want. I want to sleep."

"Jack's just being nice. He _is_ nice. His humor is great – if you happen to notice it."

"Calling my hair a vegetable makes it unforgivable. He picked on me, Charlie."

"Nah. Jack is maturing. Explains it all, don't you think?"

When she looked at her redhead friend, said friend was already lying on top of the mattress, hair spilling over pillows, eyes closed – and a copy of a thick book covering her face.

_It must be tiring._


	3. As if Death Itself Was Undone

**EMPIRE**

* * *

**Summary:** Time passes – and things need to be learned. Youth, however, is still not running out on a certain redhead.

**Notes:** Timeskips! –w-

* * *

iii.** As if Death Itself Was Undone**

Training time was not that nice. It was even _awkward_, when she got to the training yard. The Queen of Thorns was wearing a tunic, and she was watching over her squad, who was training in the yard like children. Jack was there, and he wore a sleeveless tank top that exposed some of his brawn. Erwin Smith looked flawless, too, doing push-ups in a collarless shirt, and Charlie, the hyper person she was, was running laps, her face scrunched up in intense concentration. A brown-haired woman with glasses and her hair up was the only person in her military uniform. She stood near the Queen of Thorns, papers waved before the captain's face casually. On cue, the captain nodded, and she looked like she was interested in what she was hearing. Jack was lifting weights and Levi, clad in a collared shirt, was doing crunch exercises. Suddenly, Meg felt very self-conscious of her training attire – a button-down tunic too big for her.

"Levi," said the Queen of Thorns, "work with Meg on hand-to-hand combat. After Levi, Meg, maybe you can ask Erwin to work with you on some points of strategy and a lot more. Later. I've already told him what to do with you."

_But Levi…_ Meg's nose twitched with disgust. Why him, again? As far as she knew, he was good with the gear. The gear, she could handle. Back in her trainee days, for close combat, well, it was a tricky story. As far as combat went, Meg could do fine evading. Running and hiding – and using some weapon or two. Physical combat seemed wonky for her. She was a little tiny, after all, and bony, not curvy like Charlie, who had bled during the year they had graduated.

"What rank did you say you graduated in, brat?" Levi barked at her, as he came into closer view. His countenance was bored. His predatory stare slightly unnerved her.

"Seventh! Were you not listening when I told you that?" The way her words came out… That was too soft, but the way she was taught. "That is quite rude, Levi."

Levi's eyes narrowed.

Without saying a thing, his foot lifted – and hit her face.

"Ouch! What was that for?"

"See? You weren't focusing, Capet."

Darn it. Her fists balled. What was she supposed to do? Evade? Dodge him? Before she knew it, she was on the ground, dust all around her. Pain jolted her head – and some muscles of her body. Another hit.

"Are you stupid, Capet?"

"I'm not stupid!"

"Then why aren't you thinking?"

His hand hovered above her collarbone – and yanked a handful of her neckline. The brutality! Gray eyes saw through her, and there was something so unreadable about his eyes. He almost seemed like a monster! His speed was animalistic, and beastly. The strength surprised her; she gasped, eyes wide. The ache in her back was smarting, making her eyes water. His hot breath on her face made this even worse.

"Thinking? Thinking of what? I'm thinking – of the idea of you dead at my feet!"

Levi snorted. The grip on her neckline tightened. There was a rip. Wonder what ripped, though.

"Think. If you don't want to die, think." He scowled. His hand did not loosen on her shirt. "Do you even know how to fight?"

Silence.

"Fight? For what?"

"You're an idiot, aren't you?"

"I'm not an idiot!"

Her shoulders shook. Her heart rate increased. Her balled fists itched –and the fire on her face gave her away. What was a lady supposed to do with this? A lady never rose her voice. A lady never fought! A lady was not supposed to be like this! However, something screamed in her head. Fight. What was she supposed to do? Let her mind fool her? What would her behaviour be deemed as? Her clammy hands fidgeted.

"I know you want to fight back. Punch me."

"I can't do that."

The man raised a brow at her.

"So you're really an idiot, Capet."

"I can't! Because I'm a lady!"

He let go.

Before she would let her body hit the ground, her brain didn't stop her now. Before he would react, her balled fist aimed for his face – and hit his cheek. She jumped, and her knee landed on his stomach. A punch from her left hand then the right hand, a knee, and a few elbows. It shocked her. Every hit was used with all her strength, with every fiber of her burning anger at every insult Levi had hit on her, words like bullets. At the sudden violence, his eyes snapped back into predatory mode – and without thinking, she lunged herself at him.

Dust spilled from the ground, and her fingers were wrapped against his throat. Her face was buried in his shoulder, skin tapped on skin. Her legs were kicking at him, the movement unmistakeable as more dust followed. Underneath her, she could feel him move, quick to react to every action she had forced on him.

She was angry. Fury ripped through her veins. Every cunning thought, every vile dislike she had conjured up. A thought of her father, for not seeing her as a daughter who wanted a future to help. A thought of Levi, who seemed to dislike her. A thought of her siblings who had not seen her for years. What had happened? It made her so angry.

"Whoa… I didn't expect you to be so rough." Erwin's voice was amused – and almost impressed.

"Capet," Levi murmured from beneath her.

"Mhm?"

"Get off me."

As Meg stood up, and Levi stood up, she noticed something. They were both dishevelled at this point – the bun in Meg's head was loosened, and red hair spilled to her waist. As suspected, the neckline was ruined, and her collarbone was visible. Looking at Levi, his shirt was wet, and she could see his muscles underneath the shirt.

"Whoa. Look at you two," Charlie hollered. "You two look like you two had a good fuck in the hay!"

"Shut it," Meg found herself snapping. Her ruddy cheeks, half-wet, half-dried. There was something so twisted in her chest that she found herself confused and dazed, with a need to wail. What was this thing? That day, she had never felt herself so worked up over that little shorty. Short dolt, so thought the red-haired girl, her eyes blazing. Her strode was flat and there was intensity to her movements.

[-]

"Really, I didn't expect you two would fight like that, Meg." Here, they were, playing chess all alone in a room. Erwin Smith, and Meg, playing chess, staring at each other. For more than an hour, they had played – and he had taught her things from books, things about politics. And also, about life as a soldier. Erwin had this cultured aura to him, Meg thought, and he seemed sturdy for a young man. Nice, and smart; it was a wonder when they had been playing chess earlier, she had managed to end up with stalemates and sometimes she won, but most often, she lost, too.

"I was… angry," Meg murmured.

"You wet his shirt. Your eyes were red. You two were sweating – and you were crying. Why should a girl like you cry?"

"I… Levi's got a big mouth. He made me so angry. I was angry because I thought I could never lift a hand to fight. I was never taught to fight."

"All of us have to. Has not the thought crossed your mind, Capet?"

"I've always known I have to speak for myself. I always knew that one day, I would have a cause to devote myself to. I… never meant to fight _**physically**_. I didn't think about it; I like words better, you know. I like games, like this. It makes me think faster."

"Physically? You're a soldier, Capet."

"Please. Call me Meg."

"Meg, then. If you can't kill, what are you expected to do? You'll still fight, all the same."

"Me? I… I'll have to fight, because I am a soldier. My weapon… All I know was that I need to serve others. I want to be useful. I was used to living like…."

"Living like what? In what way?"

"Oh, back before I became a soldier, I had a family. I catered to every need. I tended to wounds and scars, and I healed them. Seeing them smile, telling them things like they were worthy of great things, it made me happy to do that. I thrived on that. I don't like seeing pain."

"Meg, one of these days, you'll see pain yourself. It is inevitable."

"If that is so, then…"

"Then?"

"Pain is inevitable…" The girl sighed.

"Sometime later, I want to hear you complete that idea, Meg." Erwin chuckles. She is amusing, he thought. Young, innocent, a child and sometimes, an adult. What Levi disliked in her was imminent; there were things that they had in common and things that they both had certain attitudes with. "With your attitude, I don't doubt your progress in the army. I looked at your file."

Her eyes were big, and her jaw dropped. Her face colored and she shied away from his gaze. Was she _blushing_?

"What did it say?"

"You're naturally a nurturer, by nature. Willing to learn, willing to work. You have a way with words, like me. It's no wonder why Thatcher put us two together. Both of us, one day, will serve the military. We'll talk to the nobility. We'll have to let them see our cause."

"This cause? That's not a bad idea."

"Stick to me, then, Meg. Thatcher's been giving you lessons. One day, you'll be a lady for our cause. We have to do what we can."

"I will!"

_Young. Ambitious. A little too personal and emotional._ _Maybe a little naïve. _

"Anyway, your first expedition is next week. Are you excited?"

"Hmm… A little nervous."

"We'll just see, then, perhaps? "

"Haha. Yes, I think."

"Will you talk to Levi in any case, though?"

"I don't want to."

"Why don't you want to?"

"That's… He invaded my space. He was _**attacking**_ me, Erwin! With his words! His words were too degrading! He was setting me on fire! With his words!" Her words were a hiss. "I can't stand him at this point. I might as well have to keep you as my sparring partner."

"I apologize, then, for Levi's abrasiveness. He's rather blunt, not the flowery talker."

"You shouldn't go apologize for him, **this** case, Erwin." Meg pouted. "Levi… That man confounds me. Staring at me. Murdering me with words. In reference to what happened earlier, he hit me." She gestured to the bandage set lightly on her cheek.

"You'll get used to him."

Meg blinked. "I'd rather be with you than him. I like you better than him. You're charming and polite, and nicer to me than him."

_Another compliment._

"Meg, have you ever been with a man?"

"Huh?"

"All alone in a room."

She shook her head.

"Have you ever kissed a man?"

"No."

"Well, I don't mean to pry, but the work we two will be doing… Well, it involves some work with men where some wiles are concerned."

"E-Eh?"

"We'll talk about it later." He stood up. "I'll see you tomorrow, same time again."

[-]

"So, how was it like, talking with Erwin Smith all alone in a room?" Charlie just had to be loud in Meg's chambers. The sandy blonde was jumping all over the mattress in her scanty nightgown.

"Excuse me?"

"Did you get butterflies in your stomach? I bet you two talked so much about boring stuff. Did he kiss you? Did he ask you if you had a boyfriend? Did he ask if Jack was sweet on you?"

"No. Are you disappointed? Charlie, this is the military. Not a romance novel. He's not going to sweep me off my feet, you know."

Charlie laughed. "I'm sorry 'bout that, then. I just can't help imagining it, though. I get this feeling you'll be likely to end up with either Erwin – or Levi."

"WHAT?!" Ugh! Shipping already? If only she had her choices but this was a choice. It didn't mind her being with Erwin, she personally preferred Erwin over Levi anytime.

"Jack was telling me earlier, that Levi was looking at you during graduation night. Also, I saw how you two were practically topping each other. That was hot, though. Angry. I never thought you liked it rough. Mistress Meg loves angry sex now, I see."

"Excuse me, that is a delusion. I detest Levi. I hate him! Didn't you see? That man was literally shoving me to the sharks! And no! "

"The more you hate, the more you love, Meg. It's just a feeling." Charlie stopped bouncing up and down the mattress and sat on top of the blanket. Her look was warm and almost sentimental. "You shouldn't keep pushing Levi away, though. I think you should get to know him more. While you were being boring as usual with Erwin Smith, I took the time to hang out with Levi and Hanji with Jack. Hanji's amazing, and she's smarter than you – and she even can be an awesome ditz with Levi in tow! You'll learn lots from both of them."

"I don't want to be around Levi. That man is repulsive. His manners are uncouth and uncalled for! I can deal with Hanji, she sounds fun. As for now, Erwin is my mentor, and he's been very nice to me. Very smart, too."

"What do you really do with Erwin?"

"We talk. About books. He teaches me how to speak in front of the public. We play chess. It's been great. Books. Sciences. Arts."

"Ah, being boring, I see. I'd appreciate it more if it had more action." Charlie guffawed. "Levi's good with martial arts! The muscles on him! I'm surprised you weren't even gawking when you two were all over each other trying to kill each other. Jack had a go with Levi – and Levi totally kicked his ass! Haha!"

"You really like action, don't you?"

"Well, yeah. When I was younger, I was the only girl in a brood of four. All boys. So I pretty much fought them. Physically. Mentally. To get food, they often brawled, and I wanted to help so I learned to fight. It's rather practical, but risky. Anything practical – just as long as my family was safe and secure in any term I wanted. I like quick solutions, I've always been that way."

"No wonder you're pretty good."

"You're a beginner, but you're not bad. With practice. Try going at Levi every time we train. If you hold your own or even beat him, then that's the day I'll fight you. I'm not as strong as him – but I'll want to fight you when you're stronger. Makes it more fair."

"One day, huh?"

"Yes, one day. And after that, you and I will bake and eat to our bellies' desire!"

[-]

"My name's Zoe Hanji!"

"I-I've heard about you!"

"So you're Capet!"

So this was Capet. Hanji had heard a lot about her from the Captain – and Erwin and of course, Levi. Then, Jack, who she had met before. As a researcher Hanji had some stuff to tell from Capet. Capet was standing straight, erect, her posture graceful and her eyes soft and at the same time, warm like a vat of water. _Meg, you call her Meg. That's what Erwin said._ Her eyes were… the eyes of a child who knew many things – but knew little of the world. Fragile, almost – but there was some conviction in her body language. What had everyone said?

They called her _Mistress Meg_, the little queen, an active woman.

"I am." Meg smiled at her.

"You're pretty cute! I think we'll get along – you get along so well with Erwin!" Hanji pulled Meg even closer. The brunette proceeded to put her mouth on Meg's ear. "Erwin's been blabbing about you – I haven't seen him act like this in months!"

"W.. What."

"Nothing."

Hanji pulled away.

"Anyway, Hanji," Meg murmured. Her expression was serious, her tone still formal. This was like talking to a princess in some ways. Hanji could understand now why Levi disliked her. The manners, her way of speaking. A child.

"Is there anything about the expedition that I need to remember aside from the fact to keep myself alive?"

"Hmmm… Stick with your squad."

"Hanji."

"Yes?"

Meg cleared her throat.

"I'm pretty new, and I want to work hard for the sake of the squad. As members of the Survey Corps, morale isn't high, but I want to change that. A squad is a bond that is objective, but I know that there are people, people who miss their homes and family, and I want the squad to be a family. To do that, I want people to be in harmony with one another. I'm afraid I ruined that myself."

She sighed.

"Then what is it you need help with?"

"I want to know why Levi isn't the nicest member. Everyone's fine – except him. He doesn't express himself to me, he doesn't like me. I feel like I can't get along with him. It throws off everything."

_Throws off everything?_

"What do you exactly want from him?"

"I want him to be nice. Be polite! It's ruining the morale, and I can't stand it." Frustration gripped her words and the girl ran her hands through her hair. Her eyes darkened and it seemed almost scary, that this young girl was deeply disturbed by Levi's attitude. "I hate how he's blunt like that! I can't trust him! Not now! Not ever!"

"He's your squadmate. You should trust him."

"That's what's making it worst."

"What did he do to you, anyway?" A pretty girl being like this over Levi – it was pretty amusing, as women would throw themselves at Erwin and Levi. Charlie, the girl earlier, seemed ready to throw herself to Erwin, in case they all got drinking. Levi didn't like the girl, didn't even bother touching her or talking to her.

"He made me run fifty laps. We were training, and he knocked me out. He insulted me and made me run till my legs dropped. Erwin wasn't even there!"

Really? The dislike was becoming more mutual.

"The way you talk about Erwin…" Hanji laughed. Certainly, this one was going to get attached easily. A little sensitive, and very, very kind. Pretty and she seemed well-educated, too. She could now see why Erwin had spent time with her. Playing chess, and mostly, talking. A kindred spirit in ways. But was it the best choice that this girl was in the military? Nurturing and rather gentle, bookish and polite, one who didn't get used to rough manners. Would this one die? If she ever faced a Titan… could she be strong enough to stand protecting herself? Hanji knew what she was dealing with: a Capet, and one who knew so little, for all the girl's education and intuition and skill.

"It's not what you think!" Meg's face slightly colored. "We're just friends! In this case, I'd be more comfortable with him."

"Well, stick to someone. Watch your back."

Meg hung her head. A few red strands slipped down her cheeks. "Hanji, I… I checked your statistics. I believe you can help me. I want to know a few tricks I can do with the 3DMG. That way, I can maximize the use."

"Lessen your use of gas. Instead of gas, you maximize the impact of your landing. To prevent any injuries when you maximize the impact, I suggest you bend your knees when you do that. It stabilizes the impact, and there is more momentum." Physics, this was Physics. So Capet had looked up the statistics? Not bad.

"I'd like you to do something for me."

"What is it?" _A little queen_.

"I want us to be friends."

"Well, I don't see anything wrong with that."

"I want to be friends with my squad. A family."

[-]

Time ticked, and what time was there left? It was time for the rookies' first expedition in a week, and Captain Thatcher had many things to fix. She occasionally left, leaving Erwin in charge of the squad. What was left for them to do at that point? Erwin waddled the time, letting Meg bake and cook to her delight, and in one fit, in a night, took so long in the kitchen. Hanji was at her books, and Charlie and Jack were exploring the cupboard hiding the food storage. As long as they were happy, Erwin thought, they would do what they wanted and needed. With Thatcher away, Meg had much time on her hands. Sometimes, he watched her alone – play the harp, sing to herself in her room, play chess with him, or at times, he saw her staring at the open window, eyes wide and open and innocent, imagining life beyond this reality, that the spell was broken and there was something pulling her down under.

It was dinner time, when finally, Meg came out of the kitchen, in an apron over her military uniform. Her hair was undone – the strands spilled on her shoulder, and her face was read. In her hands, she held a rectangular container with a covered lid. The squad had already taken their seats - Erwin at the head of the table, Hanji on his left and Levi at his right. Jack and Charlie were probably looking for food – Charlie usually spent her time outside.

"Okay! Dinner is here!"

"What is that _thing?"_ Levi's voice hardly masked his irritation. "You made dinner?"

"I had nothing to do!"

"You could have spent it _cleaning_ your room." There was acid in his tone. "I did some inspection at your rooms today, and Hunter's room was an absolute _mess_. I think she snuck alcohol in her room. Lithgow's was… a walking trashcan."

"I saw her room. It wasn't that messy," Erwin interjected. It was neat – a lady's room, every piece. Books arranged, smelling lightly of white plum perfume, with her harp and lyre on a corner. The bedsheets were folded, but the windows were often left open. "Clean and well-kept."

Meg shrugged and set the container down.

"I made you all something. I'm new, and I hope you appreciate it."

"What did you make?"

"I found some meat in the storage room." The young soldier pulled the lid off – and the smell came out. It smelled _good._ Meat, juicy and furnished. Lo, and behold, a pack of roast beef, with herbs, spiced and roasted, glowing and juicy, sat in the table. It was dressed well, and there were roasted potatoes in it. Levi said nothing, his eyes scrutinizing the viand with something that was unreadable. Hanji clapped her hands in delight. The squad hadn't had a good meal in a while –and this would be a welcome treat for them.

"So you cooked it," Erwin stated.

"Yes!"

Plates were handed, and everyone got a bite and taste of Meg's roast beef.

"It's delicious," pronounced Hanji. "I haven't had a good meal like this in weeks!" At this, Meg turned her head to Erwin.

"I like it," Erwin said.

"Levi?"

He frowned at her and took a bite of the meat with his fork. Thoughtfully, he munched on the cut of meat for a while. He looked at Meg. "It's decent."

[-]

They were playing chess in the evening, and there was something bothering her. Her fingers shook as she ate his rook, the pieces coming off more. Every time they played, Erwin mused, she only got better. It was a sign of improvement – even when she first came here, she was good, as sharp as Levi, but then, she was just a child. A month of playing chess gave way to talks about books, ideals, life – and the intimacy soon gave way to more meetings. If he wasn't playing chess with her, the other time he got to see her, was that when he was teaching her about handling intrigue and diplomacy, to feel and watch things. She would nod and obey, because that was her nature. A smile, little giggle, or even occasionally, if he asked her to, she would sing for him. Thatcher had put him on a position to help her, and get close to her, because Thatcher had made an investment with that girl.

"You're getting better and better," Erwin commented.

Meg looked up.

"I should be," she murmured, her voice shaking. A frown creased her face as Erwin took her pawn away from the chessboard. Her eyes were faraway.

Tomorrow, they would be on the road. Tomorrow would be her first expedition, and tomorrow she could possibly die.

"Meg, look at me."

Her eyes locked with his. She took a deep breath. "I'm worried. I'm nervous. What if I _die_ tomorrow? Levi thinks I can't make it. Don't you know what they say about me? The odds are I'll die tomorrow! Maybe I'm not meant for this!"

"Meg." At this point, he made a grab for her hands – and immediately, her fingers interlocked with his. Soft fingers. She squeezed, sighing, pale, her hands cold and pale and soft.

"I'm scared."

"I know what you feel. Try to stay alive."

"I know, I know, but…"

"But what?"

"Erwin. I want to forget this feeling. Make it go away."

"There's only one thing I can think of to make it go away."

"Then do it."

She has no idea what he's thinking, because it's a child – that she is, that she knew little, that she wanted to escape this feeling, being drowned.

"Meg. I can't."

"Then what am I supposed to do?"

"Bear it."

"I don't know with you. How many expeditions have you been on?"

"More than you."

"That's comforting. Tomorrow, will you be at my side?"

If only.

"I'll ride at the front, you're at the rear, with Hanji and Levi."

"Tomorrow if I survive my first day, will I play chess with you?" She's putting effort in being cheerful – and he could see through that. Meg was trying to resist the change – she had gotten herself attached. And to him, of all people. It was dangerous, and it was worrying. Was he wrong to teach her and spend time with her, when she looked and smiled on him while her favour could easily be won over by Jack, who spent time with her in training?

"I'll be with Captain Thatcher."

"Who'll keep me company?"

"There's Jack. You have Hanji and the rest."

"I know, but they don't keep me company like you do. I want to play chess with you. I feel happy when I play chess with you."

"Try to play with Levi."

"Him?"

"Yes."

"What if he won't?"

"He will," Erwin allowed. _If I asked him, too_.

"I hope so. I'm not fond of the man."

"I promise he will."

[-]

Erwin, true to his word, had rode in the front, with Captain Thatcher. The forest was a splash of green and above it hung the blue sky. The day was long – and the expedition was tiring. If masking her nervousness was not a chore, Levi had to ruin her day by being the one who was riding by her side, in front of her were Hanji and Charlie and Jack, all talking amongst themselves while in the rear, there was nothing but a dead silence. As Meg didn't like the man, she remembered liking the man's steadiness and jolt of nerves. This one wouldn't hurt her – unless she screwed something up. As she rode, she didn't bother to look at her partner, her eyes on the road, as the wind blew at her hair and for a while, she forgot about the man who was at her side, as she relished the motion of being in a horse, for so long years not being able to see her old mare, Lady. She started to feel her relief at the ease of riding – then she found herself _giggling_.

"Shut the fuck up."

Meg turned to look at her partner. Levi had his eyes ahead, not bothering to look at her. She scanned his features. He was young, not bad to look at. The memory of their sparring section popped in her head. Ah, yes, she remembered how strong he was. How defined his abs were, she thought on; she hadn't bothered to sneak a peek – but she had seen through his wet shirt and knew that his abdominal muscles were well-built.

"Why are you staring at me?"

He twisted his neck to look back at her.

Meg blinked.

"Nothing!"

"You say there's 'nothing' when there's really _something_, Capet."

"I don't!"

Another lie.

"Won't you say anything to me?"

"Good morning, then." There, that was it. Her throat burned at the sight of him. The dislike sometimes terrified her. Was she really that distrustful of Levi? What she had heard about Levi only confirmed her fears that he was dangerous. He had been a murderer. They said he had been a thug in the underworld years before, too.. He was a man with no honor. A man with no honor.

"You're just a little bird, aren't you?"

"Excuse me?"

She blinked again.

"Repeating your lessons, mimicking all those things you see."

"I-I'm not a bird. I'm human."

"We'll see about that."

"What the hell is wrong with me, Levi?"

"You?"

His eyes bored into hers – and for a moment, she thought she could see beyond them. His eyes were like a wolf's. Lethal, dangerous. He was feared, he was dangerous. Sometimes, she wondered, was he capable of any emotion? What had he really thought of her? She didn't like the things he said, she didn't like his rough manners. These were the eyes of a man without honor, who didn't fit in Meg's concept of a hero.

"Why do you not like me? Is it something I have said? Something I have done? Tell me and I will correct it, please."

"Tch."

"I beg your pardon, if I ever have offended you."

"I don't like you."

"Then why don't you like me?"

"Don't you know anything? You're such an idiot, Capet."

"I know something!" Meg's face heated up. "I can't understand you!"

But Levi turned away from her – and kept riding on, as if she didn't exist.

When night fell, and camp was set up, the first thing Meg did was to crawl into her tent, and bury her face in the pillow. Lifting her face from the soft white pillow, she raked her hands through her hair and let her long hair fall past her shoulders. It was dark inside; no one would notice her inside the tent. The tent was kind of spacious, and dark, enough for two people.

She didn't know why. The tears came out, and the day had gone out so sour. Why did Levi's approval mean so much to her? Why didn't he understand her? She missed Erwin – and she missed Charlie and Jack, who were placed in the middle. Tears flooded the pillow, and her heart sank. She wanted Jack and Charlie in the same tent as she did, but she knew that was impossible – Erwin was sharing a tent with Thatcher, Jack and Charlie were sharing with Hanji's spacious tent, more equipped for Hanji's work and two people, as well as Hanji's new assistant, Moblit Berner. Her thighs ached from the riding as much as she enjoyed riding, and the dirt in her uniform didn't bother her. As long as she would cry – yes, she would cry – and people would not notice it.

She didn't want to have other people see her cry. Queens cried, and they didn't do that in front of the public. She cried because she missed her family. What happened to Rose and Ross? How much more did her father have left? Why hadn't he bothered to respect her desire to serve humanity? Why didn't anyone send letters to her? Everyone seemed so far away, and it was only her and Levi in this time. Why did he keep rejecting her?

Was she being lonely? Forcing herself on him? What was wrong with her? Meg slipped her jacket off and her fingers put the wires of the 3DMG off her. Her white shirt was messy and dusty and wet from the sweat accumulated from all the riding. Setting her 3DMG gear on her side, Meg folded her cape and put it next to her. She slipped her shirt off her head – and there, it was just her in her sleeveless top. It was windy, and her head felt so light.

The silence was comforting as the tears kept spilling, one after the other. _If I have to be alone, then I'll accept it_.

She hung her head and buried her face in her hands. What had she done?

_Meg, don't weep!_

Wiping the tears from her face, she opened her mouth, tucking her knees against her chest. Another huff of breath.

_Gentle mother, font of mercy,_

_Save our sons from war, we pray,_

_Stay the swords and stay the arrows_

_Let them know a better day_

The song came out from her mouth. Her voice shook as she kept on singing.

_Gentle mother, strength of women,_

_Help our daughters through this fray,_

_Soothe the wrath and tame the fury,_

_Teach us all a kinder way_

That was the last thing she remembered when everything went black.

[-]

When she woke up, she was on horseback. Looking around, she gasped. They were riding, and at her side, was no Levi.

"About time you finally woke up." The voice came from behind her. Meg looked behind her – and saw familiar dark eyes. They were riding the same horse. He wasn't wearing the green cape. When Meg looked down, she saw two green capes around her – and the 3DMG straps were attached to her, like nothing happened. Someone had put her jacket back.

"Levi! I'm so sorry! What happened?"

"Hanji and Erwin and Charlie and Jack were looking for you and I decided to look. I found you passed out in the tent. Erwin got angry over it. Your pillow was wet. Your uncle, Vane, said you were tired."

_Passed out in your undershirt_. That was embarrassing. He just had to be the one who had to go looking for her, hadn't he?

"I'm sorry."

"Tch."

"How long are you going to ride with me?"

"… Until you're fine."

"Will you…"

"Do what?"  
"Play chess with me."

"Just stay alive first."

[-]

The line had been disrupted – and Meg sensed there was something wrong. Levi had jumped off the horse, not bothering with the fact he had left his cape wrapped around her.

"LEVI!"

_Keep yourself_ alive.

He didn't steal a glance – he was running – the line disrupted. Noises. Feet.

"TITANS!"

Charlie's scream.

What Meg did was to grab her 3DMG and made a jump out of the horse. The hook attached itself to the tallest tree she could find, and she whirred through the treetops, her bun messy, her eyes livid, and her body shaking. The vibrations came next – the sound of mammoth footsteps abounded in the air, and more followed. Clinging to the branch for support, Meg waited, her heart pounding. She lifted the fabric of Levi's cape to her nose, covering half of her face in it. She smelled it. It smelled clean and nice -and musky. The smell was familiar, and oddly, comforting.

It smelled just like home.

Her eyes followed the noises. The clicking and the whirring of 3DMG, and a bunch of people down below were settling themselves across the treetops.

Then _**they**_ came in view.

The Titans were larger than what she imagined. They were giants, they were not called Titans for nothing. Nude, disgusting. The soldiers stationed at the trees below her – they proceeded to make aims for the Titans down below.

"YEEEE-HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

Hanji Zoe was _fast_. Before she could say Titan, the woman was laughing menacingly as her blade hit the neck of an Aberrant one – and she proceeded to kill more. In the fray, more Titans followed.

Then Meg couldn't move. Her heart raced, her hands were wet and clammy. They were so huge. What was she compared to this?

"What's the problem, Capet?"

Meg looked below.

Jack was speeding by, one eye on her, the other on his enemy. With two blades, he managed to slice off the two Titans' heads in one kill.

"I…"

"Can't move, Mistress Meg?"

"…"

Meg looked up and down.

"I can't," she squeaked. She was frozen. The nerves…

"HELP!"

People were screaming. Far below – there was someone familiar in the mouth of a Titan. A young man with short auburn hair and gray eyes. He was reaching out for help, and he looked about Meg's age.

Worry shot through Meg's nerves.

"I'm coming there!" Meg yelled to him.

She jumped from the tree, her 3DMG spinning. Her hand held the blade tightly, her eyes fiery. She would save him – she was here for others, not for herself. She was here _to help_. The boy had a family. The boy had people who wanted him to live. He needed to _live_.

Almost there –

The Titan closed his mouth.

NO!

Anger poured through Meg's veins like fire. _What have I done? I let him die!_ Without thinking, she kept launching on. _This is for him!_ The redhead's knives sliced through the Aberrant Titan's Achilles tendon – and instead of feeling so happy on her first kill, a sense of death came over her as she continued to whir through the trees, her hair getting messy and messier with every sight she saw. She saw people struggling to fight – and getting eaten.

Why did she fight? In this blood and death? As her body continued to go on facing the Titans, every time she killed, a piece of heart wilted. With every Titan body she encountered, she let her blades do the talking!

"We're going to die!"

Meg slashed through five more Titans in a continuous motion. Within fifteen seconds, five Titans crumbled to the ground. She looked around for the source of the voice. Down below, were three fresh soldiers. Same age as her, give or take. She knew them – Charlie and Jack's classmates. Robert Stone and Mae White.

Mae was weeping, clinging to a nearby tree for protection.

Robert was pale, staring at the Titans.

Meg smiled.

"Don't think that way," Meg found herself saying, as she latched herself onto the branch they were hanging onto. Her voice oddly, was relaxed and calm. She took Mae's cold hands and squeezed them. "You can do more than this. All of us should contribute to the happiness of humanity – that is to kill the Titans! We have to build a new era together, please. Do your job, and I will do mine, so please stop worrying and remember our duty. This is the happiness of humanity!"

Mae stared at her.

"You…"

Mae hugged her tight.

"You're an angel."

From there, Meg went on killing, for every dead human. The fighting went on for days - and bloodshed was everywhere.

Within the weeks that passed, she didn't see Levi or Erwin for a long time. Within the weeks, however, after the second months of fighting, she saw Mae's corpse – and followed by Robert's.

[-]

"How's Capet doing?"

How many months had it been? Last time Levi had seen the girl, she had his cape wrapped around her. Expeditions took months and it had been _months_; he had gotten separated from her. She was the last thing that inhabited his mind – and the first thing on Erwin's head. Levi and Erwin had come to meet within the battles with the Titans. Tonight, they were at camp, by a bonfire that Thatcher had made.

"Don't you know it's been five fucking months since I last saw her?"

"Didn't I tell you to watch over her?"

Erwin was slightly irritated by this revelation.

"At this rate, she's dead already," Levi stated. At best, if he theorized it correctly.

Silence.

Twenty meters away from them, a figure with red hair escaping her green capes, threw two corpses into the bonfire.

[-]

The return home was tiring, as tiring as those battles. Her body ached, her throat was sore from singing and talking, and her saliva was disintegrating. She was dizzy – and once they had arrived back at the HQ, Meg immediately rushed to get her body clean. She wanted to rip all off her clothes and go shower. By the time she was walking, dirty, in her uniform, the two green capes wrapped around her, her hair was loose and messy, and dry. It had almost gotten caught in the wires – she would take care of that later. She wanted to have some time alone.

Her innocence. What had happened? As Charlie and Jack passed by, Meg gave them a grim smile and proceeded to walk. She heard Charlie mention Erwin and Levi and Thatcher had arrived earlier – and Meg heard Hanji laugh at the new amount of data she had collected. Meg sighed – and getting a fresh towel from the latrine, walked towards the shower room. Standing in front of the door, her eyesight was blurry, and her heart was heavy, and her head spun.

She felt something in her feet, her arms, through her spine, through her wrists. Her face was pale and her hollow self - nothing. What had she been wishing for? What had she wished? No more dreaming. No more dreaming like a girl in love with the wrong things, the wrong song.

Meg stripped off her uniform. The wires fell to the floor, followed by her jacket, and shirt and underwear and pants and boots. Without knocking, she opened the shower room, and was greeted by a wall of steam.

She stepped inside and closed the door.

The shower was running.

Meg hung her head as the water continued to run. It was hot.

"_You…."_

_Mae hugged her tight._

"_Are an angel."_

_Snow White stitching through the circuit boards._

_Robert's corpse._

_Mae's corpse._

She felt like she had to die, too. Water spilled from her cheeks, as out of anger, she hit the wall with her closed fist.

_I don't want to cry no more._

_I don't want to die a little more._

But she cried silently.

To pull herself from harm. To heal with her words. To fight for a better day, to wear a crown and raise her hand, to stand in front of soldiers, to lead them by her side, to fight and catch what was wrong with the world. Was she a warrior now?

The steam receded – and Meg opened her eyes.

She wasn't alone in the shower room. A man was with her, his back to her. His back was highly muscular, his arms long and well-built. Pale skin, with a fresh new scar that bled at his back. Short black hair. The man turned – and looked at her, in all her wet and naked glory.

Dark eyes.

_Oh, darn._

Meg's cheeks flushed and she looked away.

[-]

_Now he's seen me naked_, Meg thought irritatedly as she put on fresh new civilian clothes – a pale white kirtle, inside her room. Getting the folded green cape, she held it with her and she got her box of medicinal supplies as she walked to Levi's room and entered in.

Levi stared at her. He was sitting in his bed, bare-chested. The new wound was fresh, and it needed to be disinfected. Meg set the medicinal box down and looked at the set-up he had placed at the bottom of his bed. There was a basin of water – but no rag. He needed a rag.

"What are you doing here, Capet?" he snapped at her. The bed creaked as he stood up from the bed. "Don't you know _anything_?"

Meg rolled her eyes.

"Just shut the hell up!" she hissed, pushing him away with her hands. She shoved him towards the bed. "Get into the bed now! I'm trying to help. I know something, be quiet."

Meg's hands reached for the basin and she placed it in her lap. She found a chair beside the bed and sat on it.

"Don't you have any idea what the others will think of this? Erwin will think we're fucking!"

"I thought you never cared! This is for your own good, so please shut up!" Meg's voice rose. She was surprised at how moody she was today. "You have a new damned scar and it's bleeding severely – and it needs to be disinfected. Easily. I'm not seducing you. I won't know how to do that. I'm still a maiden." She looked around, for a rag.

"Why am I not surprised?"

"At what?"

"Your being a maiden. Makes plenty of sense."

"Now, shut up before I say anything about my non-existent sex life." Meg sighed. What would she clean it with? Meg stood up and lifted her skirt – and ripped a part of it, exposing her legs to Levi. She dipped the rag in the water and gestured for Levi to come nearer.

"Your eyes are red. Were you crying at the shower?"

"It's none of your business!"

She wiped the blood off his back, one hand resting on his shoulder. She bent over, her long red hair falling past her shoulders. In the candlelight, her hair shone like copper. Her high cheekbones were now prominent, and her well-arched brows twitched in concentration as she tried to clean the blood away from his skin.

"I have alcohol in my box. I'll apply that later. Before I forget, I'll return to you your cape."

He grunted. Her right hand moved from his shoulder down to his arm, then his back. Her face blushed a little at the closeness.

"Are you okay?"

Meg bent down – and she found her face a few inches away from his, as he turned to face her. The basin of water fell to the ground.

"Do I look okay to you, Capet?"

"Idiot," Meg grumbled. "I told you to call me Meg. Call me Meg or I'll abandon you at your time of need."

"Meg."

"Good boy."

She climbed on top of the bed but not without carrying the medicine box and the basin of water with her – and kicking off her slippers. The slippers landed on the ground with a soft_ thud_. Meg proceeded to scrub off the dirt and blood from the fresh wound.

Silence.

"I… I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings by telling you to shut up."

"…"

Meg took a deep breath.

"Talk to me," she found herself saying. Her throat ached – and suddenly, she felt just so emotional. She was so tempted to stay in the bed and fall asleep there. "Talk to me, Levi."

"Your hands are so soft."

"So what?"

"You're not from around here."

Meg closed her eyes and opened them once more.

"Wall Sina, is that where you're from?"

She didn't say anything as she dipped the rag into the water. She pulled out the alcohol container from the box and applied alcohol to her hands and another rag. Her hand shook as she applied the alcohol into the wound. Then came the bandage.

"Are you from Wall Sina, Meg?"

"…"

"Meg!"

Without thinking, she threw herself on him, skin meeting on skin. Her hands wrapped around him, her red hair spilling everywhere. Suddenly, she couldn't find herself wanting to leave the bed. Her thighs ached, her heart was hollow, she wanted to get over the deaths, and the sense of guilt and bile building at her throat. Her hands gripped at his wrists. On top of him, she smelled him – blood, musk, death, war, Titans – and this clean smell that smelled so much like home.

The door was opened.

"Meg?"

Erwin.

"It was my fault."

Levi spoke up, as he sat up.

Erwin took one look at her, then Levi.

"Erwin, Levi had a new injury. I treated it," she finally murmured, the words leaving her mouth.

"Is it done?"

"Yes, sir. I'll see you two in the morning."

With that, Erwin left.

Meg sat up.

"I'm so sorry we were caught," she murmured. "I just wanted to hug someone. I'm sorry it had to be you."

Levi stood up, his eyes cold as he slipped on a white shirt.

"It feels like shit, doesn't it?"

Meg shook her head. "I feel awful. I want to forget the feeling – even for a while."

"Now you know."

"I have an idea."

"What is it?"

"I promised Erwin I would play chess with you. How about a game of chess?"

[-]

Because they were friends, they had to play. They played the game of the mind, the pieces switching back and forth. As the night went on, there was little to be said, just that exchanging of pieces, the silence to fill the emptiness in their hearts.

"…Checkmate."

Meg took his king.

Levi sighed. Beaten by a girl who knew little of the world.

"What do we do now?"

"…"

Meg stood up. "I'll go sleep."

[-]

_A Few Months Later_

"I've heard about your progress, Meg," began the Queen of Thorns.

"And what about it?"

"You'll be undergoing more training as part of the squad."

"And?"

"I'll have to ask you a few things."

"What things?"

"Do you know how to flirt?"

...

"No."

"Okay, lesson number one starts now."


	4. Sixth Sense

**EMPIRE**

**Summary:** A mission, and a visit to the whorehouse.

**Notes:**

**IV. Sixth Sense**

_After A Few Weeks_

"I didn't expect you'd survive." Erwin was amused visibly at her survival. Today, it was another chess game – prodding and poking through the chessboard, minds at work. He at his pace, and she with her naivety. It was a wonder how she navigated so smoothly. Maybe they were meant to play together, after all.

"I had to." Meg rested her head on the table. "I couldn't bear dying. I kept crying – I don't know why, but it felt so awful. Imagine, the deaths…"

"I don't think you did badly. You survived. That's great in itself."

"Still."

Meg nibbled at her fingernails nervously.

"I already made my decision. It's a choice with no regrets. I was looking for meaning in my life – and I've had to put others before myself in my responsibilities. I want to work hard; I want to fight harder than before. That way, my life has meaning. I will not stop."

"You're only coping, you know. What did Thatcher give you?"

"She's training me in the womanly arts. I'm learning, and she often takes me to the Capital. Sometimes, she lets me join the expeditions."

"What do you do there?"

"I occasionally kill Titans." Her face darkened. "And plus, I tend to the sick. It's not a bad thing. I'm more comfortable that way. It gives me a lot of things to think about. I liked tending to the sick and the injured."

"You tended to Levi, didn't you?"

"His back was bleeding. Nothing too deep." Which was a relief.

"If you were tending to him, how did you end up in his bed?"

Meg's ears pinked.

"It's nothing. We didn't do anything that was forbidden. I just cleaned his back and talked to him. He seemed so upset."

"He was."

"Everyone at some point got upset because of the death. I let two of my old classmates die – and I can't bear it. Their deaths weigh heavily on me. I find it hard to forgive myself."

"Everyone feels the same way."

"I wanted him to hug me, I thought if I hugged him, maybe I'd make it a little better. I don't know why." Meg sighed. "How do the others cope?"

"They share others' beds."

"So if I shared his bed…" Meg frowned. "Would it be wrong to do that?"

"A lot of the officers do that."

"Isn't there any rule about sex between personnel and officers?"

"There are rules – but majority of the soldiers here, in the Scouting Legion, they have friends with benefits."

"Friends with _benefits_?"

"Yes. It's a common term."

"So, people have friends with benefits to cope?"

"They do. A lot of them do."

"What are they exactly?"

How did he have to explain this to her? "Two people have a friendly relationship. In the day, they are friends. By night or day, they can both bed each other, without commitment. The relationship doesn't have emotional intimacy, nothing really serious."

"Why do that?" "They want to forget, too." Meg let her shoulders heave.

"Forget that idea. I will not take a lover. Not now. I'm only _sixteen_. I've just celebrated my name day."

"Why won't you take a lover?"

"My heart is sworn already." A year ago, she had been in the cabins, reading books, and imagining dragons and the skies outside. "I've sworn it to my work. I will have to be a soldier. I will help the cause, Erwin. I will smile and give people all of me." That was her work – to smile and cheer them up when they needed it. "We all need to carry on, because sacrifice comes. When I was out there, I kept thinking about my role in this war. One day, I need to die for their sake. One day, I will have my revenge on them. Society's happiness would be if the Titans are destroyed – and we all have to contribute to that."

"You're becoming ambitious," Erwin replied. "Is that all you want? With your looks and your tongue, you can have the world."

"No, I'm not. I want to serve," Meg confessed. "I could do more than just join. I can fight! I can become a champion of men! The world needs to be seen, and I want to see the world, too. It's a dream, a childhood dream."

"What were you like?" Erwin chuckled grimly. "As a child?"

"I was tending to people a lot of times. My brother, or my little sister. I braided her hair, I sang to her at night. I helped my brother learn his lessons, and I sewed them clothes. I watched women plant gardens, and by looking, I tried to grow my own. When there was surplus from the harvest of my garden, I would give the surplus to people who needed it more than we did. Simple times, but happy times."

Happy times. Almost four years away, and still she had not gotten letters. Had no one missed her? Meg longed to run her fingers through Ross's and Rose's tangles of hair, and sing to them lullabies of the old. However, she was here, and sometimes, she envied those who had letters from home, from the cities. To keep herself busy, she played chess with Erwin, or Levi, or Hanji, and sometimes, went training in hand-to-hand combat. When there were lessons from Thatcher, she did as she was taught – to walk gracefully, to understand how words worked.

_One of these days_, Thatcher had said,_ I'll take you and Erwin and Levi to the Capital_. _You'll watch – and sometimes, maybe you can do a job there or two. It's one of the reasons why I made you my protégée._

"To put others' needs before your own…"

"Yes."

"Ah."

"What?"

"Not that bad."

Erwin stood up from his seat. "One of these days," he predicted, "you might take a lover. I've had a few myself. I fell in love once. It didn't end too well."

"Really?"

"I had a friend. He loved her, too."

"That sucks."

"I don't mind."

"Really." Meg inhaled. "I just hope you find someone you deserve, if you'll take someone. Someone who you can laugh with. Someone who understands you. As for me, I'm better off single."

[-]

It was by firelight, at night, when doors were closed, that Meg decided to broach the subject with her friends. Levi was out of sight. They said he was out, riding with Erwin on some pretext and for that, she was relieved no one would know of what she would do tonight. Thatcher was at the capital, or visiting Shadis. It was said Thatcher and Shadis were fellows in bed and board.

"Charlie, Jack…"

The two looked at Meg.

"What do you know of sex?"

"Sex?"

The word twisted in Charlie's lips. Charlie sighed and laughed. "Why are you asking such a question, little bird? I know people have sex to have children. And well, you do it with either a man or a woman. I've heard that there endless ways to have sex. I grew up in the streets, so I know a lot of things I shouldn't. If you want a fuck, you go to the brothel. Go at it with a man or a woman, if you swing that way. If you like, you can do it with two people at the same time!"

Meg gasped. Jack chuckled.

"Really," Meg mumbled. "Charlie, really, how do you know such things? You're seventeen and you know these things about sex."

"Hasn't anyone told you about sex?" Charlie leaned closer. She looked at Jack. "What about you, Jack? Anyone give you the sex talk?"

Jack dismissed it with a bunch of jokes. "Well, I did visit my parents," he admitted. Charlie and Meg swapped glances; this was the first time they had heard Jack discuss his life outside of being a solder, when he wasn't being quiet. Quiet, and loud, it depended on his moods. Jack was clever, and also, he was a thinker by nature; rational with quick on the uptake of things. Jack Lithgow's clean cut looks made you wonder if he was rich; he sometimes walked alone, or occasionally, with a friend or two, and he had his own ideas about the world. There were times, outside of shift, he spent in Trost, exploring the city, and getting more than a view.

"And what did they say?"

"My mother said that you did it with someone you loved, and to put a baby in a woman's belly. My father said in a noble's wedding, the marriage had to be consummated."

"What does that mean?" Charlie frowned.

"It means that when nobles get married, there had to be blood on the sheets."

"Why blood on the sheets?"

"It means that the noble man has to take the noble woman's maidenhead on the night of the wedding itself. When a marriage is consummated, then it means that the marriage is valid, by the terms nobles use. If they beget a child, then they are lucky, I guess, on the first try." Jack cast a squint at Meg. "I've heard in the military, it is not common to have sexual relationships."

"Erwin said they do it to forget." "That's true. I've seen soldiers exchange heated glances at each other – and then they sneak out to be together."

"I've been shaken myself," Meg admitted. "When I came to shower, I felt awful. There was this gnawing feeling, eating at my mind. I wanted the feeling to stop; it felt like I was being crushed by the world, that I wasn't going to recover. I froze when I first faced them. To think, that the Titans were bigger, and that they could have the upper hand. I wanted to forget so bad when I came home; I entered someone's chambers and threw myself at him."

"And so you gave your maidenhead to him," Charlie assumed. Jack frowned.

"No. I didn't give it to him." It started to make sense all of a sudden why Levi had snapped at her when she had barged inside his room and climbed his bed. _Erwin will think we're fucking_. So that was why he had balked. His hair had been wet, she remembered, from the wet shower, and his bare skin half-soft, half-muscled, from her fingertips, that was how it felt touching him. He was warm, and that night, she had almost felt sure that she wanted to curl up next to him, lean against him and wonder if he would mind if she shared his bed for the night.

"Why didn't you?" Charlie complained. "That's not fair! You climbed his bed and you didn't even take your clothes off! You should have seduced him! Strike while the iron is hot!"

Meg facepalmed. Heavens. The idea of seducing Levi seemed _**wrong**_. To make the thought worse, Levi _had_ seen her legs that night, when she had ripped her nightgown's skirt so that she could use it as a rag to wipe his bare back. For a soldier, his back was pretty and well-kept. Considering the state of how he kept his room, that was to be expected. The thought made her want to puke. After seeing Levi in states of undress, she could only wonder – at how attractive he was – and what it would feel like if he put his arms around her waist, to hold her.

"I'm not that kind of woman," Meg grumbled. "I don't want a man in my bed; I just want to learn about sex is all!"

"How about you, Jack?"

"I've passed by brothels on the way to see my parents. I dropped a visit to the underground, too. I haven't bedded anyone, and I'm still biding my time."

"Why would you want to bed anyone?" Meg huffed in disbelief. "It's not like it's required."

"They say that sex is one of the best pleasures a man can have," Jack explained. His eyes met hers. "I'm willing to try it anytime. I'm a soldier, and I need to have something for me. Women will flock to you, but I'd prefer it to be who makes the choice who I bed. I'm aiming to bed a woman soon. I'll wait for a bit, and I'll see what I can do. It might be popular as an opinion, but I don't rely on that. I've made my mind up to bed a woman already."

"So you have a woman in mind already?" Charlie treated this as if she were a man herself. But then, that was Charlie. More of a man than a girl, in ways – she who loved to get where the action was, she who wanted to feel the movement of the wind and earth beneath where she could experience it for herself.

"I already do. She's going to be beautiful, gentle. I want to take her maidenhead, if that's perfectly fine with her." Jack took a drink from his goblet.

"You slept with anyone, Charlie?"

"I tried to."

"Who did you try doing it with?"

Charlie snorted.

"I tried to seduce Erwin. Nothing happened."

Oddly, Meg had a feeling that she knew why nothing happened.

"Is that all?" Meg called.

"Nope. I also tried to seduce Levi."

"Was it successful?" Jack seemed plenty amused. Meg's ears perked up. Charlie had also attempted to seduce Levi, huh? Both attempts were failures; Meg's belly twisted at knowing why.

"Nothing happened." Charlie scowled. "So I thought maybe in the weekend, I could visit a brothel." Her eyes snapped up at Jack and Meg.

"Any of you up for a visit to the brothel?"

"No –"

"_Yes_."

[-]

"I can't believe you forced me into this," Meg growled as they sat in a couch. The brothel was in Trost's red-light district, and Charlie was pretty excited to get herself some "action" to Meg's irritation and Jack's amusement. At the door, they had been greeted by a busty blonde, who was the patroness of the brothel, and seeing they were soldiers, underneath the green cloaks, had let them in. Charlie had proceeded to sit, and she had whispered things in the Madame's ear, about what she wanted.

"Levi will kill us," Meg grumbled. "Erwin will turn us to Titan food. Thatcher's going to make us pay for this." _And she wasn't kidding._ As far as Meg knew, Levi was known to be scary when in a bad mood. She had caught him in one - and didn't want to get involved in another incident with his anger. He already disliked her a lot; the incident where she had climbed his bed was already awkward enough.

"Lighten up, will you?" Charlie laughed. Around them, paraded the whores and wenches – and handsome men. The women were in varying degrees of undress; they stared at Jack with interest and on noticing Meg sitting beside him, shot Meg dirty looks and some of them had wiggled their brows at Meg.

"They're looking at you, Meg. It's like they're threatened by you," Charlie hollered. Just then, two handsome men, dressed in collared and button shirts came up to then. Beside Meg, she could feel Jack stiffen.

"I'll be with Charlie," stated one. He had curly brown hair and green eyes that were the color of emeralds. His face dimpled. He took Charlie's hand and led her upstairs, climbing through the stairwell into what appeared to be a private room. The door was closed.

Great. Deserted.

Meg looked at the other male. He was tall, and had this strong aura about him. Dark-haired, he was well-made and handsome.

"What's your name?" Jack asked.

"My name's Theo." Theo's eyes peeked at Meg. "I'm going with Meg-"

"Jack!"

"I'll wait for you." He smiled at her – but his eyes betrayed him. He seemed on edge.

Theo patted on her arm and put his lips on her ear. "We should get going now."

Ten minutes later, the door was locked, and they were inside a spacious bedroom. Theo had placed Meg on the bed, and hastily undressed.

"Who told you to take me here?"

"Charlie did."

"And what are you supposed to do?"

"Pleasure you." He eyed the 3DMG wires. "I didn't imagine you'd be a soldier with your looks. You're cute. Almost a heart-stealer."

"What do I do?"

"For starters, take your wires off." The wires fell on the floor – and in a flash, her coat was off – and she was in the bed.

"You're being forward," Meg murmured. _Courtesy is a lady's armor._ _If Erwin or Levi found out about this, no doubt, are we Titan food. _

"I want to see you try," Theo whispered. His hand crept to her hair and he started to take the pins off, the red strands falling across her face. "Damn, girl, you're pretty hard to undress."

Meg snorted. "I'm a soldier, not a whore, of course I would be hard to undress."

"Your hair…"

"What about it?" Inwardly, she cringed. The pins were off – and she usually had twenty pins stuck to her head to keep her hair in place. If one was missing, then it could spring to discovery of what she had been doing.

"It's so pretty. So are you."

"I'm no beauty, please."

"Relax. I'm only telling you what I see."

"Tch." Silence.

"H-How do I pay you?" Meg just remembered that she had left her purse inside her room.

"I don't mind." His hand went under her shirt. Fingers massaged the skin on her shoulders. "If I could bed a girl as pretty as you are without payment, I'm happy to do such a thing." His mouth vibrated against her neck, then down her bare collarbone. "I don't care; as long as I have you, I'll be happy."

"I don't have…coin on me." _What are you supposed to?_

"I don't care, sweetling. Just tell me what you want me to do to you." _Ugh._ How fast his fingers were - her shirt, her coat, her wires were on the floor, scattered. What was next? It was pretty distracting – Theo's mouth on her shoulder, his hands on her.

_I'll be Titan food._ Her face reddened.

"Your face is so red…" Theo glanced at her from his perch.

"I-"

"What?" His voice lost its lusty undertones.

_Levi. Jack. Erwin._

"I…"

She sat up.

_I am topless_, she realized. Pulling the bedsheet to cover her bare upper body, her eyes widened.

"What's the matter?" He was suddenly a different person.

"I'll see you sometime."

"Meg."

"W-What?"

"Are you a maiden?"

"Yes."

The door burst open.

"SHIT!" Jack was ruddy-faced, his hair messy, and his voice husky from his undertaking. "MEG, WE HAVE TO GO! ERWIN AND LEVI ARE NEARLY HOME, WE NEED TO GO!" Panic was in the air. When he ended his announcement, he glanced at Meg and turned beet-red.

"Oh, shit."

The door closed.

"I need to go. I'm so sorry." Meg put on her clothes in a hurry, her hands fishing for what was available. Her face was on fire, and to make it worse, her hands shook as she was trying to fasten the wires decently. Theo watched, quiet, but with interest, looking at her like she was a princess. She tied her hair in a messy bun, the pins forgotten.

"I'm the one who should say that. I didn't ask your permission to do it. It's rude and unmanly of me, my lady." He stood up from his perch and buried his face in her coat-covered shoulder. "I'll do anything to make it up."

"Really, I accept your apology." Meg sighed. "I'll see you again, and we'll talk."

"I'll do anything for you!"

"Noted!"

[-]

The arrival was awkward, to say the least. Levi seemed tired, and Erwin was grim. The door burst inward just when Meg was fixing her messy bun, the pins all but forgotten – left on the floor of the room in the brothel. Jack looked grim for some reason ever since they had left – and Charlie seemed to be the only one was happy. Her skin was glowing – and her short hair was messy, too.

"So how was the visit to the brothel?" Meg and Jack growled. "I hope you're happy!"

Charlie slouched and placed her legs on the table. She was laughing so hard at their faces. Charlie, being so casual about such things. There was a rosy glow to her skin that fit her nicely, and she shook her mane, trying to put it in order. "Well, it was worth it," she admitted.

Jack and Meg leaned forward. "Wait… so you gave the prostitute your maidenhead?" Jack's nose twitched and Meg's jaw dropped.

"Of course, I did!" Charlie slapped the surface of the table. "It felt good, it's rather addicting."

Jack nodded; his expression turned grim. Meg shuddered at the memory of Theo's hands on her skin. She blushed even redder.

"Wanna hear more?"

Jack nodded.

"Well, getting undressed was pretty troublesome, and we kissed. We focused a lot on talking until I made him stop and we went all the way. It wasn't that awkward; I enjoyed myself plenty. What sucks is that I kinda feel sore, though." She leaned on the chair. Beneath a lock of sand-colored hair, there was a bite mark. "He bit me in my neck, and other places." Charlie rolled her eyes. "And in places you can't see."

"You liked it. You're coming back," Meg predicted.

"What about you? I set you up with a prostitute myself to get him into your pants. You've been blushing red as a beet."

Jack paled.

"I walked in on them," Jack coughed. "She got naked fast."

"Shut up, Jack!" Meg found her patience wearing thin. This was _embarrassing_. Just no. "W-Well, the prostitute wanted to bed me – and he was so forward about it. I didn't even say anything and he was undressing me. He said it was troublesome undressing me. The wires; it figures." He had sucked on her neck, maybe even bitten on it, she realized. And with her messy bun, it was visible.

"Did he touch you?" Jack was so close to murdering someone.

"He did – his fingers were fast. Nothing happened." _But he apologized about it,_ Meg thought happily. _Maybe Theo is not bad at all._

"I don't like the way he _**looked**_ at her," Jack snapped.

"What are you three doing, talking this late at night?" _Thatcher._ Charlie paled; Jack coughed – and Meg smiled politely as Erwin, flanked by Levi and Captain Thatcher.

_We're Titan food_, Meg thought grimly. She stood up from the seat and had made up her mind. Leaving the room would be safe to do – no one would notice the bite mark on her neck. Her pink face turned even redder when she felt Erwin's eye on her.

"Were you three out?" Levi snapped. "You three smell like a whorehouse."

Jack paled even more – and he looked ready to faint, but he did not.

"How did you figure that out?" Charlie mumbled. She grinned cheekily at Erwin and Levi and took a sip of wine, her legs tangled on the table. She stuck out her chest.

"Your smell," Erwin pointed out. "Mike could smell you three."

Thatcher looked at Levi and Erwin with a raised brow.

"We're having our squad's quarters cleaned," Erwin announced. "You three will be given the most workload, since you snuck out after curfew."

_Thanks a lot for dragging me to the brothel, Charlie._ Meg hung her head. "I beg my leave," she declared. When she looked up, she was shocked to see Thatcher, Levi and Erwin swapping glances.

"No," Thatcher began.

"You stay. I'll talk to Jack and Charlie later."

"I'm in deep trouble, am I?" Meg sighed.

"No, you're not," Thatcher assured her. The old woman raised a brow knowingly at her. "What _did_ you do, sweetling? Levi and Erwin seem upset you had a bite mark on your neck. _Have_ you been fucking someone? What did you really do?"

"Well, Charlie dragged us to the brothel – and she hired a whore to bed me, and it almost happened."

Thatcher laughed.

"How far did he go?"

"He took my wires, my shirt, my smallclothes and coat off. I said no."

Thatcher nodded. "That's good. You're supposed to be a medic, and I assume you know about sex."

"Yes."

"You didn't let him take your maidenhead."

"Yes. I didn't want to," she admitted. "I've been told from a young age, I needed to keep it. Nowadays, I want to give it to someone I would care about."

"Well, as a fellow woman myself, and a noble," began Thatcher, "I understand your predicament. We women, we're often told to save our maidenheads for our husbands in the marriage bed."

"What about you?" She blushed.

"Well, it's been a long story. In the end, it's your decision. If you give away your maidenhead, give it to someone who loves you and will protect you and is strong enough to commit himself to you. If you don't, that's fine. Just be careful if you become sexually active. Charlie's no longer a maiden, I've expected that – and you, well, you, who knows of you? Capet, I trust your judgement in things like this."

"Won't it matter? If I gave it away and I returned to Sina soiled, my father will detest me more."

"Well, fuck what your father wants! Do what you will – he won't understand our plight. I understand why a lot of people in this branch sleep around so much – they don't know whether they'll live or die. If you want to do it, do it. We don't know whether we'll live or die, and yet, when we love… What choice do we have? Our choices seal our fate. We don't speak of our sins, not this way."

"Yes, my lady."

"As for me…" Thatcher rubbed the tip of her nose. "I gave mine away to someone I loved. In the end, it's the work that counts."

"Where did your pins go?" Erwin asked, as Meg left the captain's office. Meg rolled her eyes. She shrugged casually, her blush still heating her face.

"They got lost." No, she wouldn't tell him, not now. He wouldn't..

"We'll look for it in the morning." Erwin sighed. "I'm sure Levi, of all people, can find them." He laughed. "He's really good at cleaning."

Meg inwardly facepalmed.

He wouldn't understand. Men, like Levi and Erwin… Not in a million years.

"I know what your pins look like," Erwin went on. "They're made in Wall Sina, made of refined steel. Levi can find them."

Cleaning was a silent task. Charlie was upstairs, and Erwin and Levi had split the tasks; Jack was cleaning the wine cellar and the latrines and the shower rooms. Erwin was going to fix his, Jack's and Charlie's rooms. Hanji had joined in, and helped Charlie clean the hallways upstairs. Levi looked funny when he cleaned – he had a white bandanna, he even had an apron over his shirt, and he was wearing his uniform – except the coat was off. Meg had opted to wear casual, like the others – Meg had slipped on a simple pink frock, slippers and wore her hair loose.

He didn't bat an eyelash when the two of them cleaned in silence. It was almost like the time she had stepped inside the hot showers naked, and she hadn't noticed him, it was a world alone. The silence unnerved her.

"So you lost your pins? Erwin said you lost them."

"I lost them," she stated, looking at the floor. Trying to convince herself that they were indeed lost. Forgotten.

"Whatever."

[-]

The visit to the capital had come, and there were so many things to be done. Getting her squad to look presentable had been troublesome – Charlie, ever the tomboy, had been forced into wearing a yellow dress, Meg had quickly gotten into a gown and Levi had taken 15 minutes in the bathroom to fix himself and look presentable. The ride to the capital was tricky – especially, since they had gone on a carriage wheelhouse.

Their appearances had changed greatly. In a beige suit, Erwin looked dashing. Jack wore black, which made his clean-cut looks look only more masculine. Not to be outdone, Levi had worn his cravat, black dress pants, shoes and a jacket. Hanji hadn't bothered to fix her hair but she wore a dress and a large coat over it; Charlie's dress was a girlish one, with floral designs all over it, and her hair was forcefully tied in a ponytail that made her freckled skin look nice. Meg had tied her hair in a half-ponytail, and chosen one of her dressier gowns – a blue gown that was a reversed triangular shape in neckline, bell sleeves, and it was pretty feminine.

"I feel like an idiot," Charlie grumbled. She was not happy with the ponytail and itched to take it off. "I want to take my dress off already and get dirty in the mud."

"But you look pretty in the dress," Meg countered. "Besides, we're in the capital, so we all have to look nice and proper." _Like a tea party_. For a moment, she was reminded of her old days within Wall Sina – where she would one day marry a king, become a queen, because that was what she taught. She'd dream of her children, who would be remembered in history.

"I'm pretty sure not everyone will enjoy the sight of you nude, Hunter," Levi snapped. He sat in a sassy way – one leg over the other, like a hitman from a novel. Beside him, Jack chuckled and sniggered.

"Oh, sorry but I beg to differ. One night, we were out in a brothel, the whore I bedded enjoyed seeing my nakedness," Charlie rebutted. Meg blushed. _Not now_.

"Really?" It was hard to tell if Levi was amused. "No wonder all you three smelled like whores."

"I didn't sleep with anyone!" Jack and Meg interjected. Awkwardness ensued once more, and Meg sighed to herself. If only…

"Meg, are you aware of who Darius Zackley is?"

"I am."

"Finally, Mistress Meg knows something."

"Levi, it's bad manners to interrupt a conversation," Meg snapped. She looked at Erwin, her face serious.

"This visit is more than just a visit," Erwin declared. "This is a mission." He threw a glance at Hanji.

"Mission?" Charlie's hands stopped fumbling with her dress. Jack leaned closer.

"Captain's got her hands on Zackley."

"What's the mission about?" Charlie demanded. "Why are we in the capital? We're Titan-killers, not assassins!" She grabbed a handful of Levi's shirt. "This shit isn't making sense."

"Charlie!" Meg protested. "You shouldn't have done that! You have a point, but you two shouldn't fight."

Charlie hissed and dropped the short man.

"This mission..."

"What do we do?" Meg chirped.

"There's been rumours of underground passageways," Hanji began, "within the capital. Wall Sina could possibly have been breached – and there have been sightings of a possible breach in the Wall, particularly near areas where the noble houses are situated. This is top-secret data, and there has been data that Military Police aren't doing their jobs. What we do is to confirm the data – and clear it up."

"Tasking?" Meg countered.

"Meg and Erwin, you two will work together. Erwin's going to talk to the Lord of the noble house here, and Meg will help him do that. Levi will infiltrate with me, and Jack will tail Erwin and Meg. Charlie, you will try to find the passageways."

"In civilian?" Charlie's voice dripped with disgust. "Great!"

"We bought clothes," Erwin assured the sandy-haired woman. "Thatcher thinks this operation will take a while. Depending on the outcome of the situation, she made preparations for clothes."

"You and me," Meg mumbled. "How are we going to present ourselves?"

"We will be…"

Hanji giggled, and Jack's hand balled. Charlie coughed; Levi scowled and slouched even more, taking more of the space inside the cramped wheelhouse.

"Husband and wife." What the hell?

"A wife who is pregnant will possibly increase our chances of getting out alive. Especially if the man has a sob story."

"Let's tell them that we just got married," Meg sighed. "They'll see the age gap."

"Levi's younger – how about we make him your husband instead?" Charlie's mouth ran like a sewing machine. "And bam! After wedding night, you two consummate the marriage, and then you have a baby mini-Levi growing inside of your belly! It'll be more convincing."

_What the actual hell?_

"I beg to differ, Charlie. Levi won't be convincing if he's the one as my husband! He'll bully me all the time, no offense."

"But getting you pregnant – he'll be more up to the job!" A few scowls later – and Charlie shut up.

[-]

The weight of Erwin's hand on her shoulder didn't feel awkward. Levi's hand was lighter, Meg thought, as they walked in the streets. Levi trailed off five meters behind them, with Hanji. Getting into the act was Erwin's _wife_ was awkward – they had all settled into the inn, The Titan's Child, and Erwin had told the innkeeper that Meg would share his bed and room (imagine the awkwardness.) When they had unloaded their things, Erwin had suggested they go take a walk – and he was trying too hard to make it look like they _were_ a couple. His hand rested on her shoulder, and the height difference was funny.

"I don't really know how stuff like this works; I've only seen married noble couples."

Erwin chuckled grimly.

"Hold me like I'm your wife," Meg grumbled. "This _is_ a mission after all. I'm sorry I look too young and I don't look pregnant."

"Meg, this is work, after all. I'm sorry if I would invade your privacy from this point on for a mission."

"We are man and wife, we're supposed to be that way. Any ideas to look more convincing, not awkward?" His hand snaked around her waist – and the touch made her shiver.

"We'll take baths together," Erwin decided. "Share the bed together. Eat together. Is that good with you?"

"Yes."

People poured in and out in the streets. The bustling was dull, and for a moment, it was just she and Erwin walking, acting like a man and his pregnant wife who was newly wedded and bedded together. She knew _she_ could possibly throw him off - if anything went wrong. She knew she lacked the glow of a woman newly wedded and bedded, and she feared, in her chest, that she would possibly fail. If she failed, then possibly, she would be the reason Erwin failed. Her hands became clammy as she thought more on a large-scale picture of how things appeared to be. A wife, that was she for now, and a wife who was newly bedded and wedded. If she needed to get that glow, then, she would just give her maidenhead to him, once they were back inside their bedroom, and under the sheets.

If it meant to.

She needed that.

Her hand took a fistful of his shirt.

"How many days will we be staying here?"

"A week, give and take. Are you okay?"

"I'm worried." No. She would not tell him now. "I'll tell you later, Erwin. What's your move once we're done walking?"

_Later_, she thought, once it was night and it would be quiet. How would she do it?

"I sent Levi ahead to take data on the house lord we'll talk with. It means that we have to work better on being a convincing wife and husband."

"Ahh, that's good."

Her mouth shut as time passed by. In a day like this, what could she be right now if she had not ran away from home? Would she be a warrior, rebelling against her father? Would she be a wife, devoted to a husband who would not love her and only share her bed if he needed children? What an unfortunate world this was – where her circumstance was blurry and this was the only choice she had had.

"Oi, Erwin, I didn't expect to see you here!" a voice called out, and Meg's first reaction was to follow the voice.

A man with short black hair and a growing scruffy moustache was walking, and he approached Erwin with a stride that was both strong and formal. The patch on his uniform had the unicorn crest of those from the Military Police. This man seemed to know who Erwin was.

"It's nice to see you, Nile," Erwin responded.

Nile took a look at Meg then back at Erwin.

"So, what are you doing here?"

_This is a top-secret mission_.

"Walking with my…"

"Oh, so you're seeing someone? Who's she?"

"She's my lover and squad mate," Erwin allowed. "We're off-shift, and right now, we're taking a walk together."

Nile's eyes scanned her. For a moment, Meg smiled at him, like nothing was happening. She was supposed to act _happy_.

"I didn't think- oh well, your woman's pretty. I didn't expect you'd have her."

"We're happy," Erwin explained. "How are you?"

"I got a promotion," Nile told him. He put a hand on his hip and grinned. "Marie is with child."

"Congratulations," Meg murmured, raising her eyes.

"Thanks. What's her name, Erwin?"

"Meg," Erwin replied.

When the conversations had trailed off, Meg allowed herself to lean closer to Erwin, as her mind wandered off. The other conversations did not exist; she would think while he talked with Nile. However, there was this manner that she could read between them. They were old friends, and Nile seemed to have this cold manner. Something had passed between them, and she didn't particularly enjoy it. Not one bit.

_If I were a lord, I would have him watched._ _If I were Erwin,_ _I would be careful with him._

The day had passed – and eventually, they had returned to the inn. What Meg did was to take a bath inside the latrine, full of warm water. The door was knocked on.

"Meg?"

"It's open. The water's warm."

He entered and when he was on the tub, Meg let her eyes trail off to the ceiling. It would be awkward if she stole a peek or two at the man who was pretending to be her husband. It was awkward already – naked in the bath, hair falling across her body, and her mind always wandering off.

"Can I wash your back?" Erwin asked.

"I already did it myself. I'll wash yours." She took the soap and rubbed the soap against his broad back. He was definitely bigger, compared to Levi. The skin on his back had some cuts, and a few scars.

"Erwin, what happened to you and Nile?"

"Why are you asking?" It wasn't like he was angry at her. Erwin had never gotten angry at her. After all, he was chess buddy. The man who played chess with her. His mind was so full of ideas, and he was a natural as a leader. A man of high calibre, compared to Levi and his sassy crassness.

"I watched you and Nile. I'm also intellectually curious. Why does he act that way? What about you?"

"So much for being intellectually curious. He was my friend. He was supposed to be in the Survey Corps… but he changed his mind."

"Why did he do that?"

"We used to go drinking in bars – and we met a woman named Marie. Nile and I, back then, we were thick as thieves. He met Marie, and we often saw her. He loved her, and when the time came to choose, he chose the Military Police, not the Survey Corps. Now, he's married her and made her his."

"Was Marie the woman you loved?"

"..Yes."

It sent a gloomy feeling onto Meg's stomach. The soap slipped from her hands and her shoulders shook. So no wonder it had happened. There was a kind and smart soldier, a fine man who aimed for the stars with his friend. He met a woman and his friend loved her. The man loved her, too but he never had the chance to make her his. That was sad. And Meg suddenly _**felt**_ for him – his pain, his loss, his sacrifice. Why did such things happen? Erwin had also _loved_ her, too. He should have her, made her happy, but why?

"I-I'm so sorry," Meg wailed. That was too sad. Erwin didn't deserve this. Not this.

"It's no problem." Erwin grit his teeth. "Didn't you say you have to something to tell me?"

"I'm worried, if I fail in this duty. I don't _look_ like a wife who's newly wedded and bedded. I don't have that glow – and if the MP and the others see through our disguise, you could be put in danger. I don't want to lose you, Erwin. You're my comrade, and I might be the cause of your undoing. I'm too bony and skinny, I'm _plain_, for the Walls' sake, I haven't even given my maidenhead away, and I'm terrified they might take me away from you!"

"Meg…"

"What I'm saying is," Meg breathed, "is that I need you to take my maidenhead and make sure that-"

The door burst open.

_Seven hells_.

"Oops." The tone was not even apologetic. Meg's face twitched in annoyance. Jeez. Why did _**Levi**_ have to interrupt?"What's your business here?" Meg grumbled.

"The latrine my room isn't clean," Levi complained. "I thought I could borrow yours. I didn't think you two were…doing some activities together."

"Well, you didn't knock the door. That was bad manners," Meg huffed. "Hasn't the thought that someone else was using the latrine crossed your mind?" The wonders of his rudeness – astounding. Second time he saw her naked – sometime, maybe she ought to return the favour.

Silence.

_Leave it to Levi to ruin the night_. After they had changed clothes, in silence and slipped beneath the sheets casually, she lay in the bed. Whatever mood she had stored had been ruined. For once in her life, she thought as she watched Erwin sleep peacefully next to her, no one had managed to get such a strong reaction out of her until Levi had come. Did she like him or not? The man got on her nerves shamelessly, the man taunted her, and he had yelled at her so hard, mocked her for her manners, and yet he was the one who had caught her when she had passed out, put and rode with her in his horse, his cape wrapped around her. She owed him something – she would repay it one day.

[-]

The times he played chess with her came to mind when he was walking with her in the streets of Wall Sina once again. Every tidbit of the times she had fought him in her mind, every lesson, every whisper, the grimness was real. The war was real, and as a soldier, nothing had ever come close to _this_. Every moment she watched Erwin from the sidelines only contributed to her knowledge of him. She learned every trick, from simply _watching_, and also, researching on her whim. They were fighting Titans, but what were they really doing now – sneaking in Wall Sina, where the air used to be the air she breathed, her old home, that she had thought was safe and sound? This was supposed to embody the tomes of the old, of the nostalgia, that covered the poison within this Wall.

No time for expectations, to keep playing. That was what it was supposed to be. If one didn't have to bare his or her true feelings… She frowned. Her jaw clenched, but she was not Meg, not now. _Who was she today_?

She had seen more than enough times to know how she was going to operate. _Smile,_ she told herself, as she brushed her hair in the early daylight, the windows open, and the air blew in. It was way before Erwin would wake up – she estimated it was two o' clock in the morning. There was something that kept bugging her, and to top it off, she made herself a cup of hot cocoa, and now, brushed her long hair in the common room of the inn in the second floor. The inn had a common room, where one could have breakfast in peace with your own companions. Hanji, Levi, Jack and Charlie and she and Erwin had all occupied the second-floor rooms, so of course, the second floor was all theirs.

"So you can't sleep, too."

Someone placed a mug of downed coffee in the table. Small hands that are callused – and when Meg took a look at the man who had placed the mug in the table, she had no reaction. The man sat on the table, his dark eyes the color of steel.

"I just couldn't." What did he want from her now? Another sip of the hot beverage burning feverishly on the surface of her tongue, the cold air that surrounded her, despite the long-sleeved coat placed on top of her lengthy white nightgown and Levi, in the same room, with the same air, in this fateful ticking of time. There were so many things why she couldn't sleep. There was Erwin, peaceful and tucked away, and when she closed her eyes, she dreamt – of running in a garden filled with white snow and roses, in a labyrinth, and dead Titan corpses around her. "I dream so much."

"At least _you_ dream. I don't."

"I can't understand dreams, but I feel like it's supposed to tell me something. I need to get something from it, if it's telling me something." Was it the future? Even back then, the dreams haunted her. She had dreamt she was standing on a pile of castles, that wind blew around her, and she saw bodies of people, they looked so small she found it hard to tell if they were living or not. "Why am I even talking to you about this? You don't understand."

"Understand what, Meg?"

"You'd never understand things I _worry_ about," she blurted. "You're always putting me down, you're rude to me, and make me run laps and then you push me away when I try to help you!"

He stared at her. Was he really so hard to understand? Instead of spitting, he leaned closer and closer, looking at her eyes.

"You worry about dreams, you're worrying for _Erwin_, and you have this damn mission to fuss about."

She hung her head. She had been weeping too much of late, and she was determined not to cry. Not again. In a hundred years, if only, she could hate the man in front of her but it wouldn't be fair to both of them.

"You're right. Leave me alone, Levi." A sigh. "I feel so sorry for Erwin."

"For him? He's got women who want him, who adore him, but it's his decision not to take a woman as his wife."

"He loved one, and she didn't become his. Isn't that sad?"

"Life is no song, Meg."

"I know. Haven't you loved someone once, maybe? Maybe you'd understand."

"No." Never had he felt such a thing.

Meg smiled at him, her eyes heavy, her head hazy. "One day, you'll understand. You'll find someone sweet and nice, who will enchant you, she will make you happy and give you sons and then you'd do anything for her, because she makes you smile."

"Tch. As if a woman would want me."

"She would. One day, she would."

He said nothing – and they spent the sleepless time playing chess. When morning came, she had fallen asleep on the table, her head on the chessboard, holding the pawn piece.

[-]

"You're too attached to her, Erwin," Levi warned as Erwin and he drank cups of coffee. Meg was nowhere to be seen - sleeping in the bed, carried away by Erwin himself. At the reply, Erwin put down the cup and looked at his friend. Since when did Levi have a say in such matters? He wasn't attached to Meg. He didn't favour her, and that was it, but he had a look that almost had a taste of how bland Meg was to him.

"Is that your problem? She's my wife in this mission. The next time we have a mission or you go into hiding, do you want me to let you take her as your wife?" There was little love lost between the two of them. Their relationship could be casual, but there were limits, too. Levi, he knew, trusted him, but not fully. To let Meg go into hiding in case the mission got worse, he would have to put Jack or Levi with her into the countryside, to have someone watch her. Charlie wanted to offer herself, but Erwin had said no, because Charlie's tactics were needed in the main battlefield.

"I didn't say I wanted her. The girl's willing to let you fuck her," Levi spat. "She knows nothing."

"If she proves you wrong, I'll decide if I'll appeal to Thatcher to let her handle cleaning wounds and leading more."

"Enough about the girl." Levi rolled his eyes. "When do you strike?"

"Tomorrow. I can't let this drag on – especially with Thatcher's current condition."

He looked at the window.


	5. The Spell Was Broken

**EMPIRE**

* * *

**Summary:** What happens when you let your heart win?

**Notes:** I want Jack to get more screentime ;_; Thanks for the support and love, guys!

* * *

**V. The Spell Was Broken **

Today was the day, and Jack found himself standing - and after thirty minutes of standing outside, running. Meg and Erwin had walked inside the building, every inch looking like a man and his young wife. Erwin's hand had brushed against her shoulder, supporting her, and Jack had ignored Levi's blank stare at them. Hanji was unnecessarily grim, before she had joined Charlie in the entrance of the underground tunnel, gathering data. From the window, Jack had seen it all – Erwin talking with the MP Captain stationed in the area, and Meg leaning against him. The MP Captain's face had twisted, and Meg had leaned closer, her eyes a pure personification of the word "persuade" written in her features. She whispered in his ear, and Erwin held her arm, as if he would not let her go, for she was his.

For a moment, the man was appeased. Then Meg smiled and then Jack could swear the man's hand raced down her back in a way that made Jack want to break inside the room. It was wrong - but typical Meg: she smiled at him and only leant closer to him, more words spewing from her lips, spinning things. She didn't shudder, but there was something about the way her eyes kept faltering around that she was trying to handle this on her own. She was an animal in a flytrap – and Erwin was only watching.

The man's policemen had been summoned; two had taken Meg and held her arms and two others were going to make a go for Erwin – Then the room had shaken and a skirmish had erupted within thirty minutes. With a loud _BOOM!_, the building was destroyed, and in a rush, Erwin made a go on a horse, as the MP men took Meg, riding on horses and Jack and Levi in their 3DMG.

The MP's load on their horses was heavy. There was a pack of bow and arrows in their load, and Meg, unconscious, was placed near there. Her hands were bound by ropes.

"Whose idea was it to let her go?" snorted Levi, his face contorting in irritation. Jack could never agree more with Levi; the man had a point. Whirring across, Jack had never felt so _**irritated**_ that Erwin had let Meg get taken. Anyone could predict Meg would make an excellent hostage – a maiden, and almost defenceless and also, highborn. Fifty meters ahead, Jack saw the Military Police Men clutching her, her mouth gagged and her body swinging from their shoulders.

"It wasn't part of the plan – but she insisted, and I trusted her," Erwin retorted, and kicked his horse. His speed rose. Levi scowled again.

"Instead of talking about who takes the blame, how about we come up with ways to get her, shall we?" Jack snapped. He hated melodrama. _Just get to work_, thought he. Levi and Erwin looked at him. Finally.

"One of us should serve as a distraction, and one of us will retrieve her, and one of us should serve as back-up." The plan was already formed in Jack's head. As he surveyed the road, he knew the road too well not to be fooled. This was the capital – and this road they were taking was just one of the roads that were connected to the underground tunnel that Hanji and Charlie had been watching at. "Whoever serves as the distraction should divert the men to the underground tunnel directly. Charlie will know immediately if it's MP. Meg's her best friend; she'll protect her, nonetheless. It'll be an ambush."

"Good plan," Erwin approved. "Jack, you distract them yourself."

"I'll take her from under their noses," Levi cut in. Two pairs of eyes snapped at Levi. That was unexpected. Who ever thought Levi could be like this? Jack didn't expect it, but he had this feeling about Levi. Levi was never Meg's biggest fan; he didn't like her. Erwin's upper lip pursed; he must have wished he was the one to take her under from their noses. Imagining Erwin to develop an attachment to Meg was highly probable; the two had shared a bed for three days in a row and baths.

The speeds increased – and they were now catching up with the Military Police. A meter away – and Jack himself navigated the air with his 3DMG, diverting the soldiers with his direction. Yes – the tunnel. From behind the MP, his eyes were fixed on Levi, who was raising his blades, his stance suddenly predatory. Ah, the moment of critical factor.

Erwin was at the back, on his horse, following their movements. His face was grim, and serious. One, two, three, four, five.

NOW!

A meter until the start of the tunnel.

Erwin took the gun from his pocket and fired a shot in the air. The sound was audible across the open space – and from the entrance of the tunnel within, came another gunshot. _Charlie or Hanji._ The Military Police men's faces paled, but their hands reached for their guns to fire back.

Levi jumped, spinning on his wire, as Jack let out a whistle. From there, Jack would have to handle the MP with some 3DMG tricks, while Levi would come from behind.

But –

Jack saw ropes fall from the horse, into the rough stone ground. The sound bothered one man, and he turned his head to _look_. Red hair spilled onto shoulders, and hands grabbed for the bow and arrow. The figure fastened the bow and arrow and stared at the soldier with intense eyes that burned of blue fire, poised and let the arrow fly – and it hit the man's soldier and pinned him to the horse's neck. She sat up from the horse, and aimed the arrow at the second MP man who was a meter away riding from her – and the arrow landed in his neck.

Levi flew in, just then, and before the figure had any chance to explain, took her in his arms. He proceeded to fly into the tunnel – and Jack followed.

Margaret Capet, Mistress Meg, had never been this glorious. A mouse in a lion's net – and she had looked away from Levi shyly, red hair flying into the air like a lion.

[-]

The squad had come to the inn quickly, with Hanji's hands full on new data and Charlie disappointed at not being able to kick asses. Erwin had gotten some scratches – and so had Levi. Jack was looking at her with renewed respect. Tonight, they were eating a cake Charlie baked – and lemonade Meg had made. Thatcher had finally arrived earlier, but she was confined to the bed, tired, and the others said, quite worn out. However, the staff of the Titan's Child had sent two bottles of wine, which was opened and passed out to everyone.

"You just hit two Military Police men straight on with a bow and arrow," Jack murmured in pure reverence. Levi's surprise was not something easily masked, but Meg herself did not care. Erwin seemed a little impressed, but she didn't care. After all, she had her own tricks up her sleeve. A head full of pretty things did not do for this life.

"How did the data go, though, Hanji?" Erwin asked.

"Ahh – turned out that Titans could fit in it, down, down below," Hanji confirmed. Charlie shuddered. "What's weird though is that the first few steps of the entrance were quite small. Too small to have a large Titan fit in there. Titans could be using the tunnel, but still, how would they fit through the first steps?"

"Unless Titans could turn into people," Jack muttered as he took a sip of lemonade. A snort.

"That's illogical, how could Titans do that?" Levi scowled.

"It can be true," Meg jested. "Almost anything can be possible. Right, Hanji?"

Hanji laughed.

"Well, if that's true, then, Levi owes Meg a drink!"

Jack snorted.

Charlie guffawed.

"How can such a thing be? Humans turning into Titans! That's highly out of the blue. Is it not too crazy?" Sensible Charlie. "For once, I am agreeing with Midget here."

"My name's not Midget."

"Whatever, you look like one."

The squad laughed and drank wine, and got full on their own food. The first mission was a success, Meg thought. The relations were improving slightly, and little by little. This would be something lovely, thought the girl. Everyday, there was hope. So much to hope for, so much to fight for. Maybe this was worth fighting for – to serve others, to give hope, to be brave. What did it mean to be brave?

_Military Police men are supposed to be honourable. They are soldiers. Why is it like that?_ Recalling the time that the MP men had gotten hold on her was scary. Their grip on her hands and legs were tight, and she had been locked in a vise. Both of them stared at her as if she had no clothes on, and instead of feeling like she could _trust_ them, something had lurched underneath her. _They could have raped me._ Her skin paled. _If Levi had not come to my aid, then I could have been raped and killed. Why aren't they knights? Why aren't they kind and honourable?_

This was not supposed to be culture shock. _Why does Levi confound me? He's not my idea of a knight in armor._ Knights were handsome and tall, not short and vulgar men who were murderers. There were things about Levi that didn't satisfy her. The distance confused her, jumbled her thoughts. _But is Erwin what he appears to be?_

"Someone sent this for you." Jack tapped Meg's shoulder, interrupting her train of thought. He slipped an envelope in her lap, his touch light and soft. "Sorry to interrupt your thinking, Carrots."

"C-Carrots?" She pinked at the old nickname. When she looked back at Jack, the youth looked away, a little guarded. Meg turned her attention back to the piece of envelope she got and hid it under the table. Her fingers gently opened the seal, and once she caught sight of the words written there, she immediately slipped the piece of parchment inside the envelope, and surveyed her companions. Jack Lithgow was looking at her, his face in his hand, and one hand resting on a mug.

"I wonder what the Queen of Thorns has to say about us," Charlie said, her mouth full. Erwin chuckled, and Levi was looking away. Hanji was babbling about her Titan research and Jack nodded, listening on to Hanji. _What would she say about us?_ There were things Meg wanted to talk of with the older lady, about war, and things. Things she would understand. In the universe of the common room, the fire crackled, and outside, thunder spread across the sky like diamonds in a sheet of blue-black.

"She would want us to rest for a while," Hanji sang. The brunette took a bite of chicken in her mouth. A pause came over the group, for Levi was looking away, and Erwin suddenly found it interesting to look at the floor. Charlie was laughing to herself. The table pounded with the bottom of the sandy-haired woman's cup as she downed three cups of wine and proceeded to attack the alcohol more.

"Do you think she will still be unwell on the morrow, Erwin?" Hanji's voice laced with worry.

"I don't think so."

Without looking up, Meg knew better than to meet his stare on her. It weighed heavily when he looked at her nowadays. From the beginning, she thought that when he looked at her, she felt light and carefree, for what was she, indeed? Just a naïve girl who loved to play chess with the rising star of the Scouting Legion. She had seen the man, seen him when he slept next to her in the same bed, seen him when they shared the same baths in the same tub, drowning in the same water. If only she could run. If only she could hide from the horrors life as a soldier had given her.

It shocked her. She wanted to weep, for her heart felt heavy. If the MP men wanted to rape her, then everything she could have thought was so wrong. Run, run away. MP were supposed to be knights and heroes. The memory of their stares, the weight of their lust, the violence in their grips on her, and the shuffling and the deathly blackness that gnawed at Meg whenever she tried to comprehend what they could have done if Levi had not jumped into the fray to catch her.

The horror… As much as she wanted to fight, she couldn't. Her fingers shook. The Titans, and the revelation of the corruptions she had seen.

_A little queen. Queens aren't supposed to cry._

"Meg? Are you unwell?"

Levi avoided her stare, his face tight, as Erwin asked her the question. Erwin and Levi's dynamic hadn't hit her, until she hadn't seen it for herself. The two of them gravitated together, bound by a magnet that bonded them together. For all his rough and tumble, Levi had this thing for Erwin. With her in the equation, she might have thrown the two of them off. Erwin's attention on her… Her eyes couldn't meet his blue eyes, and she could not want to look at Levi for a while. The distance would only grow.

"I am well." It was her first lie to Erwin.

[-]

The farce that he had set up was still far from over. Settling onto the bed, under the sheets, there was little love lost now that the time to fake this relationship was done. He had not told her to move out of the room; he had asked her to take a bath and willingly, she had obeyed, stepped out of her clothes and into the tub, her hair spilling red against her pale skin, without even looking at him. Silence in and out, little words tossed out into the air, and the smell of soap and awkwardness pooling and then it was followed by the sound of pawns and kings and queens on rectangular wooden boards and bedsheets. _His friend_. The little bird.

"I let you win."

"No, you didn't." Meg sat up, her eyes cold and far away. "I did not wear kid gloves." _And so you told me the truth. _She might be a child in other people's eyes, but in Erwin's, she was more than that. It was amazing he still hadn't touched her, even if she would have asked him to. _The girl's__ willing to let you fuck her_. _She's a child. Innocent. Naïve. She's a little pretty talking bird. She's popular._ He lifted his hand from the sheet and ran his fingers across her hair. It was soft and so long to touch.

Desire was a thing he knew. He had _wanted_ Marie, he had _desired_ her to be his, the tap of her hands on his, the feel of her lips on him, and to feel her around him, to be whole. He was no stranger to beauty – and it was something _beautiful_ that this girl was. Her cheekbone were high, her hair was soft, her mouth was too full and her skin was soft, and there were hints of curves. She was becoming a woman – and he hadn't noticed it.

And he had been playing chess with her for almost a year now. Minds at work, duties in order. What was it? Friendship? He had _mentored_ her to spew words that could spin things in motion, to make orders obey her. People talked of her, with fondness, with devotion - for she was kind and she was active, and she gave people words to feed on.

There was something he could sense in her. Where was that innocence? She still glowed with it, with that gentleness. Something cryptic, something that lit up at the hint of a moth that was drawn to her. Erwin looked at the chess board. She held his king, and she clutched it tightly, her lips a thin line.

"Do not fool me, Margaret." Surely, her mind registered the first time he called her by her name. "Let's be honest, shall we?"

"What is it, then, that you want to talk about?" She looked at him with those far away eyes. "Me and you? T-That's the problem, isn't it?"

"Yes. Margaret, what do you think of this?"

"The world is a chess board." It was quick. Erwin did not have to ponder on what he had seen earlier - she had leaned closer to the man, her eyes pleading and her words stars and her tears honest. "If we don't have Thatcher to navigate it for you, for me…."

"I'll be by your side. You will help me."

"Yes." She looked up.

"Let's not pretend."

"Who said I was, my lord?"

Who was she fooling? Erwin could almost fall for her.

"The world is the chess board. You are the king. Everyone else can be a pawn." Her breath came out in small puffs as she dropped to the bed. "There are Titans – and…" A falter.

"And what?"

"There are no true knights. In life, the monsters win." A bite on her lip.

"I am the king."

"And me?"

She was wrapping herself around the blanket. She wasn't well.

"You can be my queen."

"I can't." She closed her eyes.

[-]

"How are you?" Meg peeked through the door. Behind her, Erwin was grim and silent.

Thatcher lay on the bed, her brown curls loose and messy. Her face twisted in pain. The woman's skin was pale and cold – and the draft outside added more to the woman's discomfort. There were lit candles in the darkness.

"I feel like shit." Thatcher attempted to move against her discomfort. Her eyes snapped open, a pair of eyes the color of emeralds.

"What exactly _happened_ to you?" Meg's voice broke.

"I think the noble houses poisoned something."

"Why would you think that?" Erwin inquired.

"I came from a noble house. When I joined the military, I was detested and disliked and disinherited for not marrying. The man I was supposed to marry… Well, the man's family felt slighted. To make things worse, the noble clan I came from had a longstanding rivalry with his family and they often came to war with each other. It still has not stopped – and I think, to slight me, he did _this_ just after twenty years of not seeing him." She scowled. "People at war, it sickens me."

"And what house was it?"

"Abelard."

Erwin and Meg looked at each other.

"Abelard is the vassal lord of this territory."

[-]

There was no hope for her. When they came to the vassal lord's court, they were greeted by his knights. Erwin talked with them, and Meg accompanied him, her hand on his arm, her head held on high. The days were long – and the weeks intolerable; Jack and Hanji and Charlie were at the civilian territory, while Levi, Erwin and Meg were situated on highborn land. To play this part was something _natural._

She smiled and danced, and sang lullabies, and spew words even when her face hurt. At dinner, she ate little and feigned a longing for the outside so she slipped out into the Great Hall, while letting Erwin deal with the important chatter. Outside, she was Erwin's friend, not his lady, her eyes looking at the stars and trying to count them. Her stomach knotted as she took in breaths, maintaining her control. The evening was cold, and while Levi said little, she didn't bother to pay him attention. Erwin had given Levi special orders – Levi was one of their strongest fighters, so he would act as their vassal knight.

Give a little – smile, maintain her cool.

These people. These _nobles._ She had seen them when she was a child. Her heart knotted more and more. These nobles wanted the lowborn to be treated like Titan food. These nobles didn't want anything to do with the Titan problem. These nobles, according to Jack, had no amount of respect for those lower than them. These nobles… The Abellards…

"Aren't you a little pretty thing?" Out of the shadows stepped a man. He was young, handsome. His voice was music, a deep tenor that reminded her of the minstrels of her childhood. He held a lute loosely by his side and Meg could swear she smelled alcohol on his person. A hand fingered a strand of red hair. "My lady…"

Meg fixed her eyes on him. "You're drunk."

"I am Thom, and I sing for the Abellards." He licked his lips, his nostrils flaring. A hand traced her thigh. "You're so pretty. I've been wanting to write a song for you, Lady Grey." Lady Grey – that was how Erwin had introduced her; his new wife.

"A song?" For a moment, she wanted to relax. A song. He wants me for a song.

"A toast to your hair, the curve of your waist." The hand slipped around her thigh. Meg shuddered inwardly.

_Kill him_.

"Don't touch me. Or I'll scream."

"Come on. The night is cold. Aren't you? I will keep you warm, I will sing to you with my body. I'm sure your husband doesn't mind. He doesn't know what a beauty he has; I bet when he touches you, he doesn't see how beautiful you are. You're wet for me, aren't you?"

Meg suddenly wished that she had a bow and arrow so she could aim for his cock. "I'm still a maiden."

"Then give your innocence to me."

"You heard the lady." Thom fell to the floor, kicked by a short shape in the darkness. _Levi._ "I'm sure Erwin wouldn't want some _**filthy**_ minstrel laying a hand on his wife."

"Get your own woman." Levi's eyes locked with Meg's.

"Leave the lady alone or I'll kill you."

Frightened, the minstrel ran off.

"Are you well? Erwin made sure to keep an eye on you."

Meg had no words for this. She suddenly felt so dizzy, from the relief and the release from her shoulders. When she dropped the goblet of water she held, that was when she realized she had been _shivering_ so hard, nervous and dizzy and overwhelmed and scared. Her legs ran – and he was nearer and nearer, and their faces a few inches away, – Her fingers dug into his shirt, her head in his shoulder. The relief. The feeling.

When she looked at the hand that traced her cheek, something hit her. _I…cried._

"Levi… Thank you."

"It's nothing."

Meg blinked.

[-]

"Did anything happen between you three?" Charlie asked Meg. A few months had passed after that mission. The day was warm – and it was another regular one. A few operations had come and gone, but these operations were less political, to Meg's relief. Occasionally, Thatcher took Meg on trips to see people and it wasn't bad. The dynamic had eased up, between Erwin and Levi, who had their own missions, and Meg and Charlie their own businesses. Jack hung onto Hanji, going at her work with the vigor of a scientist so well that Meg was impressed by his new calibre.

"I'm not sure." Meg took a bite of honey cake. It tasted so _good _in her mouth. Charlie's best – honey cake. One of the reasons why Meg had immediately liked the sandy-haired girl: a mutual love for food. Girl time with Charlie – she wanted it so bad, especially when she was squished in between two men who had so much presence and strength. What was she to them then? Nothing would be the same and she disliked it. At least _they_ never talked to her about those times – sharing the bed, the tub – and the memory of a kiss.

"Spit it out."

Charlie rolled her eyes.

"No need to keep secrets from thy all-knowing Charlie. There's been something up with you _three_. Did you three have a threesome?"

"T-Threesome? What's a threesome?"

"It's when you fuck two people at the same time. I've heard it's pretty invigorating. Not that I've tried it, of course." Charlie guffawed. "You three… are a force to reckon with. Levi seems like someone who's aiming for something."

"Erwin wants something. Why would he be single and unattached?" Meg pointed out. She had seen through him. "He's ambitious. I can see him being a Commander someday. Levi… People seem drawn to him. He'll be a good captain."

"Spill what happened when you three went to the Abellard Fort."

"Why? Nothing interesting happened." Meg faked a yawn. "I went dancing, posing as Erwin's wife again. Levi was a knight, of course."

"Awww. And he saved your ass, didn't he?"

"He didn't."

Jeesh.

"Come on, what happened? How was it like sharing the same bed with Erwin Smith? Oh, Meg, you naughty, _**naughty**_ woman!"

"Nothing happened. We just talked."

"I'm disappointed. How about Levi? Did he get inside your pants? Or did you seduce him?"

"You're blushing."

"Okay, there was a musician, he wanted to bed me, but Levi chased him away. I had no weapon at the time."

"Annnnnddd?"

"I think…" Meg closed her eyes. Lips on her own, brushing, it was light at first… It was dark, and she had a hard time trying to see if it was real or not. "I think… I kissed Levi."

"WHAT? THAT _**MIDGET**_?"

Charlie threw a book over Meg's head.

"Is it my fault?" Meg grumbled.

"HELL YEAH! YOU COULD HAVE KISSED ERWIN AND GOTTEN LAID THAT NIGHT!"

_It wasn't Erwin who saved me. He took a kiss, and left me nothing but an attempt to see if this was real or not._

"Well, there's nothing."

Meg shrugged.

"Nothing? _**Who**_ was it who caught you when you passed out, placed his coat on you when you were cold, and saved you from a rapist? Who was it who saved you when you almost got kidnapped?"

"He's just doing his job. He's just a comrade. Nothing more, nothing else. If there was even a kiss, I must have been dreaming. You know me – I space out."

"Comrade. And you go to him and play chess with him and tell him things."

"Charlie. Romance is not a priority for me."

"I know. But there are possibilities."

"It's bad to get attached. I doubt Erwin and Levi see me as a woman," Meg replied. "We're just friends, aren't we all."

"You…"

Charlie's face dimmed.

"You don't know the power you have over men. You're growing prettier and prettier everyday, and you're growing smarter and smarter by the second. People will always like you – you're so popular now, and you'll continue not seeing things the way they are."

"C-Charlie."

Charlie sighed.

"I wish you can see things the way I do sometimes."

"Why?"

"You don't value yourself a lot. You're suicidal sometimes, Meg. I've heard about the way you acted during the expeditions. You cry a lot – you're overemotional. You're always trying to please people. You're overprotective. Sometimes, sometimes, I wish you'd stop it."

"Why?"

"That's because I want you to value your own life."

"M-My own life?"

"Yes. Meg, I've seen the toll your missions take on you. You cry so much, you fuss to be perfect, and you tire yourself. Give. Yourself. A. Break."

"Okay."

"Good."

"Charlie, how about you?"

"Me?"

Charlie rolled her eyes.

"I'm doing fine. I've been visiting the whorehouses again, release some steam off me." Charlie.

"You say you're fine…" Meg's eyes flickered to the woman. Charlie's lips were lines. Sandy hair that curled past her shoulders, tied up in a ponytail, her jawline soft, and the taut skin that dusted her freckles, Meg knew Charlie. This girl was a tomboy, and she had steam to blow off. A brawler by nature. A woman of fire and earth, not like Meg. A woman and a man. Charlie worried her sometimes – she should have been looking after Charlie's back, not Levi's, not Erwin's. There was something with Charlie, too. The sandy-haired girl was a fighter, and today, she was not one. "Are you okay?"

"I…" Charlie coughed.

"Tell me. I'm your best friend."

"There you are, at it again." She ran her hands across her hair, gray eyes cold. "Mothering me around when I am steady as a horse."

"Don't sleep around too much." Meg lowered her eyes. "I've read that syphilis is raging among soldiers, and it's a high possibility that the syphilis came from the whorehouses."

"_Female_ whores."

"_Whores_ nonetheless. If you get sick with it, and you'll die, I'll never forgive myself, Charlie. You're all I have left, so please take care of yourself, too."

"All you have left? You have so much more than that!"

"You have a family. I don't. What remains of my family… I don't even know where they went, whether they love me or not."

"Of course, they'll love you. Everyone will always like you, hell, even that bitch Thatcher does. They won't mind you. You're young, you're so sweet, so selfless, so nice, so smart, and men make moon eyes at you because you have such a nice figure, such a sweet tongue, and hair that's like fire."

"Charlie…"

"Don't keep lying to yourself."

"I won't."

"I'll pretend to trust you on that. Margaret."

"Y-Yes!"

"Meg!" Thatcher's voice rang up from the stairwell. "I need to talk to you!"

[-]

"What happened to her? Didn't you tell her to wait for me so we could play chess?" Erwin rubbed the back of his neck.

"She filed a leave of absence," Charlie replied, chomping on honey cakes stuffed onto her mouth. _What a pig_, Levi thought, as his eyes gave the girl a searing over. Messy hair the color of sand, freckled skin tanned from the sun – and then his eyes spotted something poking from her neck. _A hickey_. It gave the girl away – obviously, Hunter was fucking someone, and it was not disappointing to say the least.

"Why would she do that?" Jack _whined_. _And here goes another man making moon eyes at Meg_, thought Levi, irritated. _Even Lithgow is losing his pride and shit as a man and comes after an idiot who knows nothing but to speak in her highborn language._ Lithgow was a comrade, and a friend, and tolerable – but this. This was another issue at hand.

"Hasn't she told Thatcher?" Erwin crossed his arms over his chest. "If she said she wanted to take a vacation, she would approach Thatcher."

"She did," Charlie piped up.

"But it's so random," blabbed Jack.

Charlie bit her lip.

_So Mistress Capet has taken a leave of absence. We won't be hearing the princess talk of her dreams and such for a while._

Erwin nodded.

[-]

"_Imagine yourself as the king. Imagine an army of swords in front of you. Imagine a dagger behind your back. If you were a king, which would you be more afraid of?"_

"_I would be careful of the dagger at my back."_

"_Very good."_

_Her teacher nodded at her. This was praise. _

"_Tell me another thing. Would you rather be feared or loved?"_

"_I would rather be loved."_

"_Good. Why?"_

"_It… If I were a king, I would prefer to be loved. It would be easier getting the people's support that way. If I were loved, I would use it to my advantage. I could use it to make the people cooperate with me and what I want."_

"_Good answer, but not enough."_

"_Why?"_

"_Being loved… It's another thing altogether. You can please a people, placate them. It's a matter of how they see you as a leader, as a ruler. Make them love you. That way, you have the upper hand."_

"_Y-Yes."_

"_What do you know of people, Margaret? Classify them."_

"_Two. Bad and good."_

"_Wrong. There are two kinds of people in Sina – players and pieces. The players are the ones who make their move. The pieces, you use them to get closer to other players. Or say, in chess terms, manipulate them. When you play a game, against Titans or against politicians, my girl, you don't overlook the small pieces. They have wills of their own – it's a lesson that the Military Police has yet to learn. So do you."_

"_Ohh. So it is a game of chess."_

"_You have to learn to capture a king."_

"_A king?"_

"_Someone you have to protect."_

"_Me?"_

"_Or in some cases, he will protect you and be by your side."_

"_I have to find a king, then."_

"_Choose wisely."_

[-]

"Do you remember when we first met, Levi?"

Erwin mused over that night. His hand on the wine bottle, Levi facing him, the hearth was warm, but there was no roast beef nor cake – the honey cakes were all devoured by Jack and Charlie. Hanji showed Charlie and Jack her laboratory, where Jack wanted to work. Hanji was excited and psyched a lot over the experimentation process, and it was good for both of them. It had been some years since that first clash, the blackmailing, the violence. Levi had not failed him since his first expedition; Levi had not given up a life for simply nothing. They both had _wanted _something; Erwin knew all too well that Levi had his own ambitions in his life, and to serve humanity was a new thing, and Erwin had aimed higher than Levi.

"How can I forget it?"

Erwin chuckled.

"When I met you, I thought I could smell your ambition. You wanted something from me back then."

"Of course, I did. I wanted you dead."

_Dead._

Erwin had transformed the thug into a soldier, this man who had blood in his hands. Levi was not terrified of getting his hand dirty. He did what _he had to do_ for the sake of something, at least. A frail living, a life that was not kind to him, that was how the short man had lived, thieving for a living, spilling blood where he wanted and needed to. Survival where survival needed to be; the weak died and the strong lived.

"You must have hated me so much."

"I did."

One night where Meg isn't there to warm up the scene – and Erwin knew that both of them were mulling. He didn't mull over the love lost because Meg had made him mull over that; he mused over the past, when the time was nice and quiet, and it was better than to look around you and realize that this home was not really home without the completion of your squadmates' presence. No Meg to bind their wounds, wash their scars, sew stitches, weep and sing and make them food, no Meg to smile on them while she and Charlie baked cakes and made food in a frenzy of feelings.

She _felt_ so much, when Erwin could have felt so little, and almost _nothing_. She was so susceptive to feeling, and feeling – was it that easy for her? She cried easily, she wept and she found things so sad.

"Did you ever think that she was like you, Levi?"

"She's not like me. The girl wouldn't want to spill blood on her own hands."

_But she can, and she will_. Levi would not admit it – it had been Levi who had seen her those nights, staying up late for games of chess she played in her head. But she could spill blood and put them on her hands. She had wept, and she had yelled, and she had kept it to herself, every emotion, and then spill it like blood. She could do that – she whose fingers were quick enough to hold a bow and arrow and aim it so well at some soldier like he was livestock meant to be sacrificed.

The innocence, her porcelain skin, that underneath she could be a cold-blooded woman who was not terrified of blood on her hands.

He had seen through her.

"And you…"

"You turned me into a soldier."

"I blackmailed you."

"Yes, but you did more than that."

If it were easier…

In the beginning, there had been two ambitious young men. One wanted to survive – and the other wanted a high position. They were prodigies, they were the sons of the Scouting Legion, and the sun shone on them, the sons. The Wings of Freedom represented their flight, to dive into the attempt of saving humanity. Their paths had converged - the roads became one – and there had been another upset.

_She had thrown both of them off._

He had sensed it.

_I was not born for myself alone._

Power. Control. Ambition. It had been her.

"Did you think you were ambitious back then?"

"I _was_ ambitious."

An awkward peal of laughter.

"When she got assigned, did you think that she would throw us off?"

"I didn't see it coming."

_And Meg is better at predicting than both of us._

It had been Thatcher's idea, too. Jack Lithgow, she had predicted, would get along with Levi. It had come true. Charlie would make a good tactician and fighter, head-on, and she had reasoned they were good fighters, all of them, and that she saw so much potential in them, and she just wanted to _help_ them.

"_In Wall Sina, you will deal with two kinds of people."_

_Thatcher's mouth had its lopsided scowl, her eyes green as leaves, her attractiveness was a given. He had better focus than most men – most men would be eyeing her as if she was a statue, she was beautiful, her skin porcelain and rosy and she could steal hearts with a look._

"_The strong and the weak."_

"_Close enough."_

"_Then what is it?"_

"_The players and the pieces." She looked at Levi._

"_What does the weak do to the strong?"_

[-]

The vacation was supposed to last two weeks. Meg had filed without bothering to wait for Erwin – Erwin and Levi could wait, but this was urgent. She had hidden her uniform away; it had been too long since she had gone back to Capet territory. This was what _home_ was supposed to be – the taste of home, the smell of home that she felt whenever Levi was nearby. As a lady from a great House, Meg had taken great cares of her appearance in civilian - another lady's dress she had stolen from when she had left the Capet Estate five years ago, from the old tomes that her mother had once worn and her father had left to dust so softly in the folds of the cabinets. It was a dress that was casual, but it said _lady_ so well in its design that Meg was compelled to fix herself in front of the mirror of her room before leaving.

Her long hair in a braid falling past her shoulders, Meg's dress was made for the summer. It was embroidered by the sigil of her house – a lion in its light pink background of cloth. The cloth stifled her; she felt like a child in a dress. She could hide, she could run, but she had chosen her course to go back to Capet territory. Wearing her green military cape over her gown, she was an ominous figure, her eyes cold and distant and far away. No more men at least.

"I'm here to see Lord Luthor Capet." As she spoke, the noble accent bled in through the eloquent military diplomat's drawl that was taught to her.

"Lord Luthor? Who is this?"

"It's…" Meg closed her eyes and opened them. Another disguise. "It's Helena Grey, Lord Erwin Grey's wife."

The man who had answered was Edd the Less. He had been one of the eldest masters-at-arms left there. Edd's hair had grayed, the silver streaks lining his black hair, his hairline receding and his eyes were salt and water. The whiskers on his cheek were longer than ever. They had aged to the color of tissue. He had been the man who had taught her how to fence, how to fix her footwork, the one who had taught her archery alongside Master Cox.

"Grey?"

"Is there any problem with that, sir?"

Edd leaned closer.

"You look familiar, my lady. Can you take your hood off?"

Meg let the hood fall.

Red hair. Blue eyes.

"My lady!" The man fell to his knees and took her hand and kissed it. "I would have never thought you'd be a beauty…"

"Now, now, Edd, I am no beauty."

Edd smiled. The light in his eyes returned. "You are. You're a woman."

"Now, tell me, what has happened. What happened to my lord father? My lord brother? My lady sister?"

"Your lady sister is out, riding horses. She wanted to enlist in the military, too, but Ross did not want to lose another sister."

"And my lord father?"

"He's joined a cult."

"What kind of cult?"

"He worships the Walls. He's been out, worshipping the Walls by night and going to see King Fritz by day."

_I did not think.._

"EDD!"

The gate opened further, and there was a young man who was about fifteen, walking solemnly out of the gate. He smelled of alcohol. His hair was a fiery red – and he had more of his father's looks, a good-looking man he was, thin as a reed and fire in his eyes. Meg was shocked to see the young man taller than her. _Could it be?_

"Who is this?"

"Lady Helena Smith." Another lie. "I've come to visit you. My house has offered me to marry you."

"Really?"

When he took her hand, he gave it a squeeze. _Just as I suspected. He wants me_, she realized. A hand on her shoulder.

"Yes."

"Ah, my lady, tell me, what do you like?"

"Archery."

"You know that? Let's play."

As suspected, she thought, thirty minutes, when they were at the archery field, that this was Ross. He kept looking at her, with eyes that burned through her. Despite his sudden interest in her, he seemed to be self-possessed. He was fiery, but this fire was controlled. Fifteen, he would be about fifteen, and hardly saw women his age, so it was doubtable this would happen.

A hand traced her shoulder.

"My lady, what things do you like to do in your free time?" Meg nodded at Edd as he tossed her a bow – and a set of arrows.

"I read. I play chess." Meg spotted an archery dummy. Why not show this idiot who she was once and for all? She took the bow and stretched it. Farther – an she inserted an arrow up into it.

"Ah, that's very good. I like learned women as they are beautiful." The arrow flew – and landed directly into the bull's eye.

Ross stared at her into shock.

"Ross!"

_Father._

When Lord Luthor came into view, his jaw dropped.

"Is that…."

"What?" Ross blinked.

"Is that your _sister?_"

[-]

Father had gotten upset – and locked himself away. To make amends, Ross had asked Meg to sup with him in the Great Hall, to catch up. The Great Hall had changed so much – it was now deserted, and it was colder there now.

"I'm so sorry."

"It's fine. I lied about it, so I should be saying the sorry," Meg murmured.

"Were you lying to me, too, about your hobbies?"

"I wasn't."

A breath of relief.

"You didn't seem like you came from the military."

"Why would I, little brother?"

"You look beautiful, blooming."

"Oh."

"You look like a woman in love. You're blooming, you must have a man hankering over you. I don't know if you're still single."

"I'm not in love!" Meg laughed.

"Why?"

"I… I'm a soldier now. I've given my heart to people I have to fight to protect."

"I see, then."

"Do I have any unwanted engagements? Betrothals? I'm not seeing anyone in the military. No one's interested in me." At least, that was how it appeared to her.

"You have plenty."

"Ooh. How'd you deal with that?"

"I told them to wait."

"Wait for me?"

"Pretty much. I didn't expect you'd come back."

"I came back to get my archery. I took a break and I didn't tell my partners about it." Levi wouldn't care if she left. Erwin? She didn't know. Erwin _cared_ for her – not like Levi who did things because it was his job.

"How come you're not in the MP?"

"I took on the Scouting Legion because I had a deal with Uncle Vane to be a medic. I wanted to be a medic, but now…"

"Now what?"

"I think it's slowly coming to me what I really want to do. How about you, Ross?"

"I missed you. I missed you singing. I missed playing with you. It's a shock. I wanted you to head the house when Father is gone, but since you're a soldier, I guess, I should weather the tides."

"Me?"

"You're better than me."

"I'd rather risk my life fighting Titans." She would. She had offered her heart to fight. Erwin. Jack. Fighting alongside her squad. All the regrets, the times she had cried… Was this heartache? "I'd contribute more that way."

[-]

Within Capet territory, there were rumors that flew by. There was a redheaded lady who gave food to passing beggars. She visited the hospitals nearby, and she talked to the children nearby. In the span of two weeks, almost everyone knew her. She was pretty, she was nice, and she was sweet and she knew you.

They said she was a soldier, but the smallfolk refused to believe it. She was a lady. She was a fairy. She was an angel.

When asked what she was, she had laughed and looked at you and told you that she was human and that she was not born for herself alone.

[-]

"You miss her, don't you?"

"Who said I did?"

"You usually talk her down. You usually push her away. You don't appreciate her efforts."

"I'm just giving her a reality check, you brat."

"Screw you." Jack burped.

[-]

_Why do we like to hurt so much? Why of all the possibilities, it was wrong?_

Years later, Levi would ponder over Mistress Meg's thinking. She had dreamt, and he had felt so envious, he would realize. She knew how to love, she knew how to outsmart, she knew what it was like to be full with a heavy belly in the night, but she didn't know what it was when men were attracted to her, when she was mutually attracted to men, what it was like to love romantically, to touch bare backs and feel flesh, to scream like a mute, and be a freak. He envied her – and he envied that innocence.

He had to push her away. He had to keep her away from him. One touch – and he could fall.

When he looked outside his window, the stars looked at him.

_He had seen her look at them._

"_I was taught," she had whispered, "to chart and name every one of them."_

Was that even possible?

She was keeping him up again.

Levi shut the window.

_I wish she'd fucking stop getting under my skin_.


	6. Breath of Life

**EMPIRE**

**Summary:** Nobody wanted to cry a little more - and women would always want the breath of life.

**Notes:** For the song Meg sang, please refer to the song "Winter Child" in the drama Dream High. The version I used is the English one from Youtube. Spoiler: guess who takes a level in badassery?

* * *

**VI. Breath of Life **

Caroline Thatcher never expected that dream. That one more touch, that taste of heaven** – but** it had never hit her that way. She had come to the military at sixteen, worldly and eager to escape a betrothal that was burning her noble clan from the inside, and she was now decades older, but still shining in her old age, leading a squad that had much to learn. It had been almost two years now, with the expeditions in between. Her protégée was doing well, and she had taken a break for a while.

"You two are very ambitious ones, aren't you?" Caroline murmured to her students. Erwin Smith – the rising star of the Scouting Legion, and Levi, the thug turned soldier, a man prodigious at using the 3DMG. Ambition and control – she knew they wanted those. Erwin was a man with a plan – and he was quick. Levi was a fighter, and together, they were unstoppable, their dynamic perfect until someone had thrown it off.

"I am."

It was Erwin who spoke up.

"Of course you are."

Levi was silent.

"I have offers for both of you."

"A promotion?"

"A potential one," Caroline noted. _These men are rapidly progressing. Such brave young soldiers…_

"Would you like to lead your own squad, Levi?"

"Me?"

"Yes."

"I… would like to think on the offer."

"What if it is an _order?_"Caroline raised her brow, her face grim and dim. "It's a possibility I've been hankering out. You did well in the last expeditions – more than worthy, more than exceptional. You saved my sweet protégée more times than I expected you to do. If you were a knight and I were a lord, I would reward you generously for doing it so well. I'd give you Meg's hand if I could, but it's another pretty piece of business. As for Erwin, Shadis has been asking for your services. Shadis is not getting any younger, and as the years grow by, I'm worried if he grows harder on himself as well."

"That would mean leaving Meg behind more," Erwin replied coolly. "You placed Cadet Capet under my tutelage. I am responsible for her. I can't leave her. She'll barely hold herself in a fight."

_A good point_.

"The shitty princess should take care of herself," Levi sniffed. Erwin did have a point. It was a legible reason why he had saved her from the filthy musician who tried to lay a hand on her when she had no weapon. "She saved herself during a mission. Held a bow and an arrow, Captain."

"_Maybe_ you two are coddling her too much."

"Maybe."

"Really, you three… Your dynamic is really quite amusing. As your leader, I'd want you two to teach Cadet Capet the ropes. Erwin's been doing his job – and Levi, I didn't expect to be so disappointed at how _lousy_ you teach. You are an amazing fighter, you have great abdominal muscles, but that does not make you wise."

Charlie, who was present, burst out laughing at the mention of _abdominal muscles_.

"Teach her to put blood in her hands?" Levi scowled.

"If possible."

"I absolutely _refuse._ I will not teach that princess who knows nothing how to kill."

Caroline smiled through the irritation. "You _will_ teach her, whether you like it or not. Teach her to be stronger. I can't stand her crying all the time."

_Crying makes Meg Meg._

"She's sensitive, don't you realize that?" Charlie yelled. "She's easily emotional."

"I know!" Caroline barked back. "I want you to teach her what it means to be a leader. I want her to learn what it means to fight, for the sake of those who are dead. I know you understand me. Do the names Farlan Church and Isabel Magnolia ring a bell? Cadet Capet is going to be great one day, and as a leader, she will suffer losses and I need you, Levi, to help me teach her how to deal with losses."

"Why so urgent, though?" inquired Erwin. Levi's eyes steeled at the woman.

Caroline shut her mouth. Now or never. The poison was in her body and though she had weathered its tide, she knew the effects would stay long-term. She _knew_ from Vane who had taken a look – and _knew_.

_You won't have much to live. A few years. Five at best, two-three at worse._ She had grit her teeth at the revelation. She didn't want to be weak. Not for her squad. Not for Keith Shadis. Not for the houses and clans in Wall Sina. Not for the politics. Not for Darius Zackley. It was coming down so fast – and the time was ticking away. Erwin needed a secure place to nestle in, and what would happen to Levi? If only… Jack was doing so well as a scientist and Meg and Charlie.

"Time is running out," Caroline retorted, "and someday, the tasks will be carried on your shoulders. I feel it in my bones, and I've made my messes. I'm playing with what I have so that the order for you three to take over is near. Do you get me, Levi, Erwin? I'll die sooner, and I want to make sure you three are safe. If by the time I am gone Meg is still a child, and she keeps needing me, please, please, protect her."

"You're making me swear to protect her?"

"I want you to. She'll need men who will be loyal to her," Caroline muttered. "You two are reliable. She will need to have support. When she falls, she will catch herself. If she lacks, you will help her make up for it."

"I swear it." Charlie's voice was first to come. "I'll protect her."

"Levi, you have no choice. If you fall, she will catch you," Caroline went on. "You three _need_ each other. Charlie and Jack can take care of themselves – but you three are all _connected_. I want you three to be together, to keep working together."

[-]

"_What's Mistress Meg's favourite flower?"_

"_She loved roses. She loved violets."_

"_Why them?"_

"_Roses smelled good, but they can hurt you if you touch them. Violets meant honesty, faithfulness."_

[-]

"Can I talk to you?"

He hadn't noticed that she was back. Without a rap in his door, the little lady had entered his bedroom so casually and turned to him. _Look who's got manners, the little princess._ When he had actually turned his back to face her, he didn't let it show. Back faster than expected – but the two weeks she was away was a little more relief-giving. She bothered him, and it was hard to tell if it was _bad_ or good. After all, she had tried to chase after him, and she hadn't known what it was called. The skin on her neck, the flames of her hair – she was back in uniform.

"What is it about? Make it quick."

"I would like to apologize."

"Apologize about what?"

"I'm sorry if I keep getting in your way. I've been thinking about you. I've always been a thorn in your side, haven't I?" The redhead blinked, her eyes earnest. "You push me away, and you think I'm annoying, conceited and hardheaded and stubborn and suicidal. I am human, Levi, but if you are angry at me for bothering you, then I will stop bothering you. You respect your privacy, after all. It would not be fair to me to keep badgering you for help, for anything if you would not be reciprocating it. I'll stop running after you – you're older than me, and I failed to acknowledge that fact. I was too dependent on you to save me. From now on, I'd like us to be-" An intake of air.

"Cut to the chase. I don't need your pretty words."

"Ah…."

_For starts, the princess is rather hard-headed_.

"You're way too suicidal, and it's an attitude I have to correct. You'll be dead in an ambush if you are without a weapon and fighting men."

"I'm not suicidal! I've offered my heart to Humanity!" Meg's eyes burned blue. _Young, ambitious – and too selfless and stubborn for her own good_. "I swore to give my life for humanity – and I know one day I will die for Humanity's cause! It is inevitable! I wasn't made for myself alone!"

She was flawed in his eyes. Highborn and naïve and too kind and gullible and hardheaded and emotional, her high cheekbones, her gentle manners sometimes made him want to tug farther from her. It was so _disgusting_ – but then, that been back then. What did he see now? He could fumble with words, with her, unlike her where words came out so well it confounded him. She confused him.

"If you don't want to die, think."

She blinked – and he let his feet move faster than she could blink. Within the sweep of the floor, he had tripped her - and her eyes widened at the sudden motion. Instead of catching her, she landed on the floor, flat and shocked.

"Think?"

"Fight."

"F-Fight."

He grabbed her shoulder.

"If you so want to protect others, you have to learn how to fight yourself. You need to be trained. Pain is the best way to learn."

"Pain?" Her mouth twisted.

"It is," Levi confirmed. His hold on her shoulder tightened. "We should take this outside. I'll have to teach you myself. I wonder how Erwin got something into that delicate skull of yours."

"He was gentle, not like you –"

She gasped.

Her head kissed the dusty ground as Levi shoved her deeper into the floor. It was a hard shove – the shove of a thug, a murderer.

"W-What was that for?"

"I'm not going to handle you with kid gloves. This is the military, not a tea party. If you get beaten up, no one will be gentle on you."

Blood on her lips.

"Can't we –"

Couldn't she shut up?

He lunged for her, the speed of light, the thunder in his veins released. Doing _it_ again was so damn tempting. Really. However, he knew her too well – and she was so terrifying sometimes. She didn't terrify him, but her nature was said to be gentle and sweet, but Levi knew her too well. Tear her. Tear into her limb by limb. What would have Erwin said about this? He was overpowering her, no doubt. _It_.

Could she have remembered _it_ so well? She spaced out. But she could remember.

He could smell her skin – she smelled like musk and roses and some earth – his lip on her ear, then his nose on her soft hair. _Try to fight me back._

She rose – and hit the wall. A book fell to the floor from the impact of her landing. He moved nearer to her and pulled out a dagger and thrust it a few inches near her – It pierced through the wall, and her eyes dilated at the sudden close contact. Her cheeks pinked – and it didn't take Levi one minute to figure out why she was blushing. Their shoulders rubbed and so did their torsos. Tangled up in the wall.

Her hand pushed his chest.

"Can't I –" Her cheeks were red. Levi scowled and pushed his face closer to hers. A strand of her red hair brushed his cheek.

"Your words can't protect you all the time. Prepare yourself for your worse-case scenario – and that means, you can get attacked so you better work on hand-to-hand combat. If you don't want to die, think of something to save yourself." As he spoke, he spun the dagger in his hand and slid into the air an inch before where her chest was. She wouldn't dominate anyway.

She rammed her knee against his stomach – and he jumped backwards. It hurt - but Levi had suffered through worse.

"More."

Another one.

"When do we stop?"

She grits her teeth, red blood pooling on her lips. Defiant.

"Not until you learn how to properly hold yourself in a fight when your words fail you."

"Words are my way."

"Didn't I tell you already? Erwin won't always be there to save your sorry ass." _Neither will I_. Forget that _it_ happened, he wanted to snap at her. "Words won't always save everyone. You've said it yourself – that in real life, the monsters win."

"Fight, isn't it?"

"If you can't think, you can't fight. If you can't fight, you can't win."

"So I'll always lose?"

"That's why I'm teaching you, you little…" Another attack – and this time, _she _ was the one building up on speed. More and faster – a futile effort, but an effort nonetheless. Her hands gripped his shoulders, and she lifted her knee to hit him once again. Her kick hit him – but he slid from under her leg, and caught her leg.

Frustrated, the girl bit her lip and her fingers wound around him so tightly it was a viselike claw. Her fingertips were soft – but a reddish color.

A twist – and then, he knew what was being done to him. He was sliding, biting at the air, at the dust that seized her and him – force was faster than time itself, he was _floating_. The breaths between the two of them were one and the same and the room was now empty and cold, and hearts blazed, and the room could not keep it on.

She had thrown him in the air – and his grip on her had loosened.

He minimized his fall by sliding his hand against the bookshelf.

A game of tug and war.

"Think you're funny, brat?"

"I'm not funny!" she snarled – and then they hit the wall. Her fingers curling around his throat, her eyes fire, and her gentleness forgotten. More force was applied, and Levi had the decency to thrust her dagger into her back.

A rip.

She had danced away – the military jacket was thrown off and she had discarded it, that thing with the rip.

But she hadn't.

He gripped her wrist and pulled her, so hard that she landed into him at symmetrical docking. Shoulder to shoulder, chest to chest.

Silence from her.

"First you push me away and now you're pulling me to you," she mumbled, her eyes narrowed.

"We're in the same squad, idiot. It's about time you really learn your place."

"My place?"

He didn't say anything and released her. The little princess could just answer it herself – in her head, where she resided best, with memories and dreams and things he envied and could have wanted.

[-]

"I've been meaning to grab a cup of tea with you. I'm glad we finally got to talk!"

Uncle Vane was more than relieved to see her when she had her bruises and scratches from Levi checked. Afterwards, they were now sharing cups of tea together under the roof of the Medical Division, where she had meant to be placed. Her dream had been to work as a medic, but she had gotten assigned under Captain Thatcher, and now, there were more things to worry about. Uncle Vane's face aged, but his eyes were still the same glow of blue that was gentle and kind and willing to listen to you and pour over small things.

"Well, three years, I knew you'd finally make it! And 7th place! Not a bad attempt!"

"Well, I did get placed under Squad Thorn, under Caroline Thatcher. I didn't realize she was the Queen of Thorns, though." Meg nodded, a sign of politeness that she was raised with. This was her uncle she was dealing with. It felt good to be warm and open and personal with a family member. She had missed him terribly – he had taken her in and he had overseen her through her trainee years, and visiting him although it was rare she got to visit him.

"I just wanted to help."

"How is the life of a soldier?"

"My squad's not exactly the most… peaceful atmosphere for me." How could she explain it all, soldier to soldier? Vane's hands nourished _life_. What had hers accomplished? She had bound Levi's wounds and scars with her hands. She had washed Erwin's back with her hands. She had cooked meals for her team with those hands. And sometimes, she used those hands to sew shirts for her team mates. She wrote with them, she held books with them. And she had killed. The memory of her first kill returned – and she was shocked at easy it was to _kill_. Suddenly, memories and dreams spilled back – and she sat there, shock at her heart.

Her heart was a weapon. Her mind was a weapon. An eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth… The world had been black and white until she had officially tasted her mission with her squad. Titans – and now people. She would have _enemies_. The men who had made passes at her – the musician Levi had slashed for her, the military men Levi had saved her from. She had lost track of how it would end. How was she going to manage this? Where was justice? What was she going to believe in now?

"Do you have blood on your hands?"

"That's the problem." Meg looked up. "I end up with blood on my hands – and I've thought I have to contribute to humanity as a soldier. I am a soldier, but, my dreams… My dreams.. They keep appearing when I am asleep. Sometimes, I feel like I am in the wrong place. It's a lot to figure out."

Vane frowned.

"Have you ever killed a man?"

Vane shook his head.

"Never. I don't mean to. Hands that are supposed to kill could have been used to nourish life. Your hands need to be clean. Your hands are the hands of a woman. A woman can fight. A woman can work and preach. And destroy and create like a man."

"My hands?"

Her.

Hands.

"What have you done with those hands?"

"I used to coax life out of the gardens when I was a child. I used to plant trees and roses and flowers at the backyard. I used to ride horses and rein them in, and when the rain came, I watched. I wanted to feel the rain on my skin." Memories again and again. A kiss on the lips, the darkness around, and the feel of hands that were callused on her skin. Had he taken the kiss? The blood on the horse. The feeling of terror, that she was _powerless_.

Blood on her hands.

Blood of her comrades.

"I killed two men in the capital."

And she had not hesitated. The demon inside of her.

"Forgive me."

It would never be the same.

Nothing would ever be the same.

Vane took the girl's hands. He kissed them tenderly.

"The hands you hold have blood in them, Uncle. You're not worthy to touch them."

"You're still young. You must do what you must. In the end, it is your decision. As a soldier, lives are at stake. There is still a sweet silver lining someday, my dear. If you have to fight, fight. Fight for what you believe in, what you love, and follow your heart. Everyday, I get older, and I hear of you, turning into a woman in such short notice."

Blood on her hands. A broken heart.

"Uncle, so I must fight."

"You will have to. Everyday is a battle, and everyone is fighting. That's why you must still be kind."

A nod.

"You must be aware and take care of yourself. Sooner and later, you'll have men at your feet. They will want you, and you should choose the men you will ally yourself wisely. Choose men who will be faithful, who are capable."

"Yes, Uncle."

"In matters of love…"

"I'm not interested in love."

"You'll fall in love, one day – and there will be others who will fall in love with you. Be careful. Choose a man after your own heart. Make sure he will pick you up when you fall, and you become his sheathe and scabbard."

"Yes, Uncle."

She thought of Ross. How young had he been when she had left. Ross was strapping, and somehow reminded her of herself – a little bit. He was stronger, he could weather the tides and keep on swimming.

Keep on swimming. Keep on fighting, keep on living.

Living.

That would do for now.

[-]

"Carrot's getting more popular."

"You got a problem with that?"

Jack was stuck with Charlie for lunch. Meg had said that she would have lunch on her own – or with her uncle, she had wanted to see her uncle after not talking to him for so long. Charlie didn't blame Meg; Meg did miss him dearly, she wanted to talk to him. Although she didn't say so, Charlie knew it. She sensed it - the girl often wrote before she slept and sometimes, she was so tired when bunking, the ink spilt on her fingers and then her inks would mark the name of her uncle. And yet, she had said that she had almost no one left. For all Charlie's practicality, she knew better than to accept things at face value when it came to Meg, who took things with words quicker than Levi came at Titans with his blades and showed off his skills.

"It's just an observation. Carrots is a fool."

"She's just doing what she thinks is right."

"No. I don't agree." Jack rolled his eyes. "All that political power she has in her hands, all those words she can tell others. All those publicity stunts she could do in Sina. All the attention – it's her. She'd make a good hostage. She doesn't belong here."

"Really. I thought you favoured her, too." Charlie's reply was to scowl. Jack was so tricky to understand. Where Meg thought with her heart and mind, Jack was too rational and somehow more in tune with his head and himself than Charlie herself would ever be. He thought before he spoke and he liked to work on strategies, but Charlie didn't doubt Erwin's progress surpassed his. Jack got along so well with Levi, it was a wonder the two didn't get into fights when they talked about Meg. But then, Levi was more mature, older and as far as he was concerned, Jack was younger and making moon eyes.

"I don't."

"Who do you really favour?"

"I like Hanji. Steady and passionate."

"Uh huh."

Charlie nodded.

"How about Levi?"

"He's very sane. Much, much saner than Erwin can be. I don't like how Erwin's close to Meg. I'd feel much better if Levi and Meg stuck together."

"You favour Levi."

"I do."

"Isn't that unfair?"

"How so?"

"You're not seeing her fairly. How do you really see her?"

"Carrots isn't just Carrots." The cover is down. Jack Lithgow's complex physics had always confounded Charlie. It made her eyes squint. She was used to face value, not cryptic words and messages, the lack of interaction from him. It threw her off. He could read Meg, and sometimes, they were the antithesis to each other. Emotional while the other was not. Cheerful while he was direct.

"Carrots… is me and I am her."

"What the fuck?"

In a way, she pretended that she did not understand. Meg and Jack were coins – two halves of the same coin.

_They could have been inseparable._

_They could have been unstoppable._

"Carrots is climbing a ladder."

"What about the ladder?"

"Chaos is a ladder, my sweet Charlie."

"I'm not sweet. I'm no maiden, you asshole."

"You forget. You forget things. Chaos is a ladder, and the chaos can possibly ruin her. Mistress Meg needs allies to succeed and she won't easily earn that. I could be her sworn knight. I could make her mine, as long as she needed me."

"She doesn't see you that way."

And she never will.

"So what?"

"Knowing her, she'll play on Erwin."

"Erwin Smith will toss her away."

"How about if it's Levi?"

"Levi… will push her away. Me or nothing at all."

"Jack, do you realize how dangerous this is?"

"I know. I always know."

[-]

"Do you know what you want?"

It was Erwin who broke the question. The light from the windows spilled on the ground, the locked door made no sense, and his bed was neatly-made. It was the first time she was invited inside his room, and this was a boy's room. He had discarded the coat and she had done the same, because it was pretty hot. The chess game was at a standstill, the pieces overlapping and chasing each other to the level of gaping and grasping straws.

"Me?"

"Somehow, I know. Why are you asking me this? What about you?"

"I always know what I want. I like getting my things done."

_He said he would be the king…_

"You aim for the Commander position, do you not?" Meg's palm caressed the chessboard. Her eyes were slit. Inwardly, her heart sank. _Will he leave me? If he leaves me, who will monitor my progress? Who will protect me if not myself? I can be a piece, but I cannot risk it._

"I did."

"When you joined, did you think of such a notion?"

"I considered it. What about you?"

Meg laughed, a grim laugh for someone so young and so innocent. They called her naïve, but she knew a growing popularity had its own perks.

"About me? I should be the one who listens. I listen to you. All the time. You should not ask me things that you have little interest in."

"I am interested in you. I'm not lying." The rustle of cloth against the table.

"I know you won't lie to me, but, Erwin…"

"But what?"

"I don't think you'd like my answers."

"Answer me. I want to hear your opinion."

"I'm a child. You think I'm an idiot, you think I'm a bad liar, that I keep thinking life is a song, to my sorrow. You think I'm just a pretty face, don't you?"

"I would still listen to you all the same. If you want a friend, you have a friend and that's me."

"What if I wanted answers?"

"Answers to what?"

"Every question I have ever asked ever since I became a soldier." Meg looked at him, jaw set. "Everything I have dreamed of. I have dreamt of a woman in a castle of snow, and she was looking at corpses. Then I dreamt of stars and a man and a woman. I dreamt of a labyrinth and running across it so much – and gardens. I've dreamt and sometimes, I get nightmares. I have to keep asking, why am I given these?"

"They can be gifts. I can answer your questions."

"Have you…" She took a deep breath. "Have you ever thought of people's blood on your hands? Do you feel guilty about it or not?"

When she looked at him, she saw another person. Cold.

"If I need to do that, to throw away any humanity on me, to spill blood on my hands, for the sake of humanity…."

She dreaded the answer.

"…Then I'll do it."

Erwin Smith was more than he looked. He was not scared of these things. He had the gall to take them for the sake of helping humanity. She had wanted to help Humanity.

But how..?

"Answer my question," Erwin pressed. Her head spun. Suddenly, she felt hazy and dreamy, and surprisingly, uncomfortable. His hand brushed against hers, and the closeness was a little overwhelming. The physical distance was so little, and he was stronger and larger than her. Was she wrong to trust him?

"I wish I knew," she whispered. _I don't want to think about this. I don't want a man on my bed. I don't want to feel so bad over dying. I don't want to feel bad over small things. I want to see people happy and help them. I want to make something bigger than me, I want to make a thing that will make people happy._

For a moment, he held her hand. There was no squeeze, just her, her aching heart, her desires, her dreams, her aching head, the nightmares.

"Do you want to be a medic, to bind wounds?"

"Not as much as before." Meg bit her lip. Life and death, and fighting. There had to be something she had to grasp harder.

"Would you want to lead?"

"Yes."

"Then you have a lead. You know something."

"That's a relief."

"Meg, how do you think about Levi?"

"What about him?"

"Just tell me."

"I used to mislike him. He…" _He could have been the knight who took me somewhere safe. _"He's steady and strong. Reliable."

_And somewhere, I know he is kind_.

"Have you… ever developed feelings for anyone in the squad?"

"Me?"

Jack?

No.

"I think I would have fallen…."

"Fallen in love?"

"Yes."

She looked at him in the eye squarely. She would not regret this.

"If I let myself choose, I could have fallen for a handsome and strong man in the squad. He could have been my knight, like the knights of the old."

Not anyone.

She had thought this before, but now…

"But there are no real knights, not in here nor anywhere. The only one who can save me is myself."

_My skin is no longer as smooth as I thought._

Silence.

"I've assigned you to Levi in the next expedition."

"Why?"

"Orders. One last expedition, then I can let you do what you need to do. I have faith in you."

"Thank you, Erwin."

When she entered her bedroom, there was a bouquet of flowers on her window sill. Her room looked newly cleaned, the books arranged, nothing left.

What was shocking was the flowers themselves.

There were white roses – and blue violets.

Her favourite flowers.

[-]

"What I really wanted back then, was not to have a place in the world," Caroline mused. She downed her third bottle of wine. "Hmmm…"

"You're not supposed to get drunk, you're an _invalid_ now," Levi grunted.

"Put a lid on it, midget! I don't really want to worry myself sick." Caroline rolled her eyes. "I outrank you, so it's safe enough that I'll get drunk."

"And who gets to pay the bill for the wine?" Hanji sighed.

"Levi," Caroline replied. "Of course, he would."

"Go on," Erwin instructed. "I'm listening to every word."

Levi scowled.

"I was born in a war, between nobility and nobility. The Titan problem led to more deaths, and I was engaged to an idiot who wanted my riches. I could have seduced someone else, but I took it in my head that I wanted something to fight for. So I joined the military, I graduated the valedictorian because of my leadership skills. I was never emotional – I knew what I wanted, I had my heart and my head on my tasks. A noble's life never really appealed to me. I would get bored playing the game of the thrones so easily and so loosely. I didn't want that. Why not use my energy on something more productive?"

Another sip.

"So I navigated this world. I learned to prove myself. I thought I would be safe keeping my heart sworn to a cause. However, the heart longs, and I fell in love. I didn't expect it to happen, too. Now that you thought about it, I didn't expect that he would like me back. He was a strong man. One of the strongest fighters I've ever known – and he wasn't the only one who went after me. There was another man. Both of them were strong. They were merciless Titan-killers. I held my own against them, too."

"You fell in love," Levi stated.

"I did, you asshole." Caroline huffed. "It took me years to do that. It took me such a long time to accept it. I had already given my maidenhead to a fellow soldier, we were both drunk and we felt like doing it. Thank goodness, I did not get pregnant. When we both realized that we did love each other, we latched onto each other and went all the way. We wanted and considered a family, but we were soldiers. Both of us wanted to keep fighting, and fighting. The other man watched us, and his affections were rarely returned. Then one day, he left, to fight – and I pinned for him, and the other man gave me his affection and we latched onto each other. By the time the other man came back, my lover took a leave of absence and transferred divisions to respect me and my man."

Caroline felt heavy. She was full of years. Nothing else, more or nothing.

"I could have chosen any of them. We were young, and we were like you."

She shut her eyes.

"Are you still going to join the expedition? Shadis says it's best not to go," Erwin warned. Shadis of course, wanted her to rest.

"So does Vane."

Damn.

That Vane.

When would they both stop?

"I know what Vane says. Vane said I would have nerve damage – and my kidneys are ruined. I'm still going to that last fucking expedition!"

"But you'll die!" Hanji exclaimed.

"Whatever happens will happen. It's not my fault, it's my choice. I just wanted to go out of the Walls one time, before I make it out alive and I'll forever be confined uselessly."

_I cannot let them leave without me._

_Meg needs a woman to talk to._

_Erwin and Levi and Hanji and Charlie… Even Jack needs me._

_"__A strong woman builds her own world. She is one who is wise enough to know that it will attract the man she will gladly share it with." _

[-]

She couldn't sleep again. He couldn't sleep again.

There they were again, looking at each other under the window, at the stars.

"You can't sleep too, huh?"

"I'm close to giving up trying to sleep," Meg confessed. He said nothing, just a stare that said little.

"Get some sleep."

"Why don't you sleep?"

"That's none of your business."

"I…apologize for that."

"There's nothing for you to apologize for."

_You saw my tears. You could have given me a smile._

The tension lay with him and her.

"Tell me, if you have ever tried to sleep – and if you dream."

"I sleep on an average of five hours per day. Happy with that?"

"I'm not. Why can't you sleep like a normal human being? You deserve more than that."

"When I close my eyes, I dream. And you think I should be feeling sorry for you just because you have nightmares."

"I don't feel that way towards you. You saved me from that lecherous minstrel. You saved me during my first expedition. I owe you my life. My life is no longer mine – it's _yours_."

For a moment, she was terrified he would hit her like he did when they were training.

"You should keep yourself alive worrying if you'll survive, not give your life to me."

"No. I acknowledge that you saved me."

"I was only doing my job."

"You still saved me. I want to save you, too."

He looked back at her. _Why is my heart beating so fast? Why are my hands sweating? Why is my face heating up?_ Good thing it was dark – he would not notice it.

"What month is it?"

"It's December."

So that was why it was cold. Meg had taken a few peeks of the calendar when she was packing – and she had realized that the name days they celebrated here… were rare. The squad had celebrated Jack and Erwin and Meg's name days, but what of Levi's?

"When were you born?"

"December 25."

"Do you know something?"

"What?"

Meg smiled. "They say that those born in December are winter children. I know in a week's time, both of us might have a high possibility of being dead, so I guess, maybe I will celebrate your birthday with you now."

"I didn't ask for it. I don't want your pity. "

"Hush."

She put a finger to his lips.

"They have a song for those born in December. They say those like you, are kind and clean and clear. I shall sing it for you now." She filled her lungs with air.

_Born in winter  
This beautiful you  
Clean like snow  
You who belong to me_

Born in winter  
My lover  
Clear as snow  
You who belong to me

Regardless whether it's spring, summer, autumn, or winter  
Always clear and clean

Born in winter  
The beautiful you  
Clean like snow  
My lover

Outside, the snow fell.

When the song ended, she expected nothing – but she saw him look away, almost struggling with something.

"There. I gave you a song if you can't have my life."

He looked at her, grim and glum that she steeled herself for a sharp word.

"What are you really trying to tell me?"

"I'm telling you Happy Birthday. You're a beautiful winter child, clean like snow, as lovely as the snow. I'm telling you that you mean something to me."

_You're so beautiful_.

He could be aching deep inside, Meg thought, as she had earlier watched him struggle as she had sang to him.

"Is this what you really want to do?"

Meg thought for a moment.

"I want to keep everyone safe, I want to make something that will do that. I want to build something to keep everyone safe."

_And I will figure out everything_.

"Is that all?"

"So much more."

"Then tell me more."

"I want to raise my hand, I want to be able to pull myself from harm, I want to use everything I know to fight. I don't want to cry no more. I don't want to die a little more. I'll do that. For once, I wish to be brave as you. I want to be like you. If I need to wear a crown, I will do that. Then I wonder, will I be a warrior? Will I be a queen?"

In the cold, the distance grew smaller.

No, she doesn't mention the memory of a kiss.

She wanted the breath of life.

That night, he _listened_.

[-]

During the expedition, there were many sights. One was of the invalid Caroline Thatcher relentlessly marching her way. Despite the reports that she had sustained permanent damage from poison from a Wall Sina noble's attempts to hold her own, she held her own, marching and attacking with all her will. Her team was scattered – Erwin Smith was assigned at Commander Shadis' beck and call, with Moses Braun, and other more elite soldiers. Jack Lithgow, clean-cut, and nerdy, was back-to-back with Hanji Zoe, his cuts precise and speedy, while Hanji Zoe flew all around in random centripetal motion, cutting Titans with speed of sight and sound. Charlie Hunter, true to her name, was relentless in pursuit of Titans. She was at the front of the unit, and attacked directly, and worked sometimes with Jack, acting as a decoy for the Titans so that Jack and Hanji could strike from behind.

Levi, the notorious former thug, earned the name of Humanity's Strongest in that day. He slashed efficiently with unsurpassed speed and skill through the Titans. He killed countless Titans on his own – and occasionally came to the side of Margaret Capet, who he was partnered with for that expedition. In contrast to him, Margaret hovered near groups and led them by herself. She was shaken, but her jaw was set, they whispered, and her hair a burning color of fire, her eyes blazing and she looked so nervous and so finicky one thought she would faint.

But she had led more than ten group kills – and killed about ten Titans on her own. However, she dropped by the invalids, not caring if her hair got loose or if she was bleeding so severely. She offered words to her comrades and rapped at them so that they could continue fighting. Sometimes, she sang, to keep calm – and she used her emotions to do her job correctly.

The fighting raged on.

At night, letters were written. One of the letter-writers was Caroline Thatcher. She was spotted holding pens and papers with Medic Division Leader Vane, who was reported to Meg Capet's uncle by the mother side. By the firelight, Thatcher was cheerful, and her squad would talk and drink.

Many things happened in that expedition. There were many losses – and one of them was Caroline Thatcher.

How did she die?

She sacrificed herself as decoy in a Titan's mouth.

What happened to her squad?

Erwin Smith survived, and Levi got an injury.

It was said that popular member Margaret Capet was last seen tending to an invalid Levi.

[-]

When Levi woke up from the expedition, he was surprised to see a vase of flowers near his window. There were violets in the vase, and by his side, was a sleeping girl, her legs bare and a pair of slippers on the floor. Her loose red hair flowed freely, and she wore a plain white dress. Her hand had a few bandages – and the front of her shirt was wet, as if she had cried. What had last happened? Levi struggled to remember.

_Crying. Hanji was howling. Erwin's eyes were livid, and he seemed so incredulous._ Levi could recall the pain in his back.

"What happened?"

The girl tossed and looked up.

Meg.

She coughed.

"Thatcher's dead."

_Caroline Thatcher is dead._

She had tried to save him. She had hit him across his body to keep him from saving her.

"And what happens now?"

Meg looked away, her fingers fumbling at her loose hair.

"I _said, what happens now_?"

Thatcher had placed all her hopes on this girl.

"I will answer to a council about it. You're still recovering, but the council wants you, and Erwin and Hanji and Jack and Charlie to be witnesses." She sighed.

What happened to Meg? The dress she wore was something that showed off the budding curves… The girl was no longer a girl. Her eyes spoke for herself, and there was something that clashed. Was this the woman? The girl? The warrior? The queen?

"Are you ready for it?"

"I am."

Her speech was less flowery.

He hadn't realized this.

[-]

"_What happened to your leader?"_

"_She died in the mouth of a Titan."_

"_I've heard that there were rumors… that you manipulated her to do that. You faked being attacked by the Titan itself, and then you convinced her to sacrifice herself. Is this true?"_

"_No. I will never do such a thing."_

"_There are witnesses from other sources who claim you are capable of manipulating."_

"_No!" Her voice was heavy, and there were tears from her eyes. "I don't know how to do such a thing. I'm an idiot, everyone says so! I don't even know how to do that! I've only just begged and played games, and trained. I only know is how to be a soldier. I'm just a child, please!"_

_No one said anything._

"_But Thatcher favoured you."_

"_She favoured me because she thought I was a child and I needed someone." More tears. "And she was right, you know. I cry too easily." She cried and wailed._

"_Child, it's not your fault."_

[-]

"What happens now?"

In Levi's room, the squad had gathered. Thatcher was dead – and Levi was injured. Erwin himself was in a state of stress, with new offers. Meg had begged leave, and they were waiting for her. Charlie's face was pale and red, and her fingers shook. Jack was stoic – what direction would they now go? They had lost their leader. They gathered in a common room – and from up there, was a stairwell.

"We will have to go our own path," Erwin replied.

"So I get my own squad?" Levi deadpanned.

"I think yes. And me, I will serve Commander Shadis. For Hanji, you'll get promoted as a scientist. Jack, you got offers from the Intelligence and Science divisions, and the Medical Division, too."

Their own paths.

"And Meg?" asked Charlie.

"Shall we go?"

A voice. Clear. Mature. And it came from the stairwell.

Erwin craned his head.

Meg emerged from the stairwell, in the light. Her long red hair, once in loose braids, was born in a wavy crimp. Her blue eyes were clear, her skin scrubbed, and she stood like conqueror. Her figure was emphasized in the new dress – she wore a deep navy blue dress. The dress was more of a gown – and it was low-necked, showing more skin than necessary. It was stylish, it was graceful and it was for a queen.

She strode over from them and opened the balcony.

Outside, the snow fell in clusters of storms.

"I will build an empire," she whispered, her eyes strong and steely.

An empire it was.

"She finally knows what she wants," Levi murmured.

* * *

**More Notes:**

This chapter is highly influenced by Sansa Stark's last scenes in GoT's Season 4.


	7. A Piece of Art

**EMPIRE**

* * *

**Summary:** She thinks he'll break her heart. She thinks she's going to make them fall.

* * *

**vii. A Piece of Art**

"Look who's here. It's Midget who secretly makes moon eyes at Mistress Meg with the pretty red hair and the blue eyes – and has Erwin Smith fawning over her boring ideas."

The bar was a sleazy place – full of action, full of whores who were willing to pleasure you with their hands and their tongues, and full of wine to drown yourself in. Charlie liked being in the bar, alcohol cup in hand, watching the idiots make even bigger dolts out of themselves – and in a fit of drunkenness, she would join them, a soldier who needed ultimate release from her memories and see how lucky she would be. There would be times you could wake up naked in a stranger's bed. There were times when you could wake up in the streets, dirty and filthy and smelling of dirt and you could be scolded ten times over by the neat freak in your squad or you could arrive in your building to see your cute little best friend sleeping with the books and the chessboard, smiling and more often now, tossing and turning in her sleep.

This time, however, was different. Charlie had been downing alcohol glass by glass on her own – until a clean pale hand adorned with a few calluses slapped the table and took away the glass. When the sand-haired girl had looked, it was Midget who she had seen – and then she had jabbed away at him. At the snip from her, Midget scowled and rolled his eyes and took the seat next to her.

"I don't make moon eyes at her, brat."

"You do," Charlie muttered. It was a private joke she shared with herself, that Midget looked at her. When Erwin looked at _ her_, what did he see? If Midget looked, did he fawn over her, wonder to himself how her hair was fire and her eyes water? At this rate, her head spun and she felt more compelled to down more alcohol in a go. Denial, denial, Midget.

"I sure as hell don't."

"Sure as hell do."

"… You don't have any proof of that."

"Don't care."

Silence followed. Midget tapped for a drink – the bartended put a glass in his hands and poured alcoholic beverage in it.

"Why are _you_ here, Midget?"

"None of your damn business, Cadet Hunter. Can't a man drink alcohol in piece?"

"Where's Erwin? Where's Jack?"

At the mention of Jack, Midget lightly placed the cup down. _Jack_. It had to be Jack. Jack who hung out with Hanji at her laboratory, Jack who had asked for a go with Midget during training periods and had a clean-cut set of looks. Handsome, young, and dapper – with dark hair and dark eyes like a raven's. Jack was smart, Jack was cool, and he was rational, and of course, Midget would like a young soldier like him. Jack and Midget spent a lot of time together, when Erwin would play with Meg in private rooms to themselves, and Charlie didn't bother to think about what the two men talked about.

They were silent people at best. They were both men. They were both soldiers – and prodigies. They could be the glory of the people soon. Logic and a sense of duty made them both. Of course. How can they not get along?

"Lithgow is visiting his parents separately." A sip and that was where he seemed intent to leave it.

"Erwin?"

Midget's scowl became deeper.

"He's with Shadis, discussing issues about the squad, since Thatcher's dead." He took slow sips – almost deliberate, to dodge her questions. Slow and quick – he drank like he drank water, fluidly, like it was a drug he needed to be able to live. _Thatcher's dead. A whole council had to be summoned to confirm it, and they had to target Meg._

_Now that I do think about it,_ Charlie thought, _no one really mentioned who the council members were. They just called us and said it was pretty important. _

"Should we disband?" Charlie propped her question, moving her face closer to his. Impassively, his reaction was to push her away with his hand and scowl.

"Erwin doesn't want to – and he always gets his way, one way or another. Why, you want to disband? Go ahead and leave the squad."

"I wouldn't want to leave the squad," Charlie snapped. Midget had always frustrated her. She knew she was dealing with a man. A dangerous man. And a man would occasionally thirst for a woman. A woman to fuck. So far, he had never let his guard down. Did he thirst? If he ever thirsted for a woman, who would it be?

"Good for you, then, brat."

He went on drinking. There was something up with him. It was something _desperate._ Like an animal that was caged. Like a bird that wanted to fly. Like a wolf that wished to be able to howl.

"Is it true?"

"True that what?" He rolled his eyes at her interruption. The cup hovered between the air and his mouth.

"That Meg had anything to do with Thatcher's death?" Charlie had been stationed somewhere else. The fray had seen them separated. Erwin had been at the front – and they had all scattered in different directions. Levi had been with Meg at the time. The rumors circulated that Levi had gotten a few scars and Meg had come running to him, eager to support him. "They said that Meg manipulated Thatcher into dying."

"That's _**fucking**_ disgusting."

His hand shook slightly and he drank the beverage.

There had to be something.

But they knew.

They had seen her.

The words from the girl's mouth.

Her tears.

Broken.

"Now you're defending her? **Fuck** you!" The cup from Charlie's hands were gone. The glass broke and the shards crashed into a million pieces.

"FUCK YOU! Fuck you, Levi, to the deepest pit of hell where you belong! You're not and will never be worth the dirt in her shoes! Fuck you!" The words were fire, and Charlie lashed before she could begin thinking. _Damn_. The alcohol was too strong. She could feel the waves in her body tremble, her shoulder blades sliding twice as hard, twice as unruly as she was. The skin on her hand hit the table with amazing force and pairs of eyes devoured her with shock, but she did not wish to care. Let the world see this. Let the world condemn him and her.

They were all sinners.

"You're drunk." Midget wiped his hands. "Fuck me, huh?"

"FUCK YOU!" Charlie hissed. She pulled his cravat, her forehead ramming on the skin of his forehead. Her gray eyes against his small ones, so small it was hard to tell what the color of his eyes were. His eyes were dull, and sharp at the same time. Her hands didn't shake. They were hands that wanted to fight.

Callused fingers.

Large fingers.

"Didn't you want to do it yourself? You wanted to fuck _me_ and fuck _Erwin_, too." The reply was dim and dark – and Charlie spat in his face.

"What if I wanted to say I wanted to _fuck you_ right now?" Charlie let him go. He glared at her as he wiped the spit from his face.

"I don't want to fuck you," he snapped.

"Who would _you_ fuck, then?" Charlie yawned. "Everyone wants to fuck someone. Shadis wanted to get into Thatcher's pants. Oh, correction – he got into hers already. Mike's fucked plenty of men and women. Too many to count. Nile Dawk is fucking his wife. Jack wants some pretty noble lady to warm his bed and spread her legs for him." A delicious idea spurred her mouth to move. "_Ooh_ – _who _would Erwin want to fuck?"

Suddenly, she giggled hard. Suddenly, Midget's grip on his cup tightened.

"I don't have interest in such bullshit."

"King of denial!" Charlie whispered. "You know everyone wants someone. Really, you have the sex drive of an old man. Come on. You need a diet of pussy to live on, the way I need a cock inside of me to make me feel alive."

"You're disgusting." Let him say what he liked. Charlie did not give any shit. Fucking was fun, plain and unapologetic. When she wanted to, she just did it. The feel of skin on hers – it made her feel something.

"You're a man, aren't you? Don't you have _any_ sexual appetites?"

"No comment."

When Charlie looked at him again, he was leaving the bar. No doubt, he must have been disgusted. Good.

[-]

"Why did you not place Levi under your command, Commander Shadis?"

The day was dim, and the room was deserted. Papers were strewn over the long table, and the smell of what used to be Thatcher's perfume was fading in the air. Thatcher's death was a fresh new thing and loss was a new meaning for the squad. Notebooks were piled, and pens and inks were pored over. Thatcher's papers were to be given and shared among those she had deemed worthy enough to pore over them – Meg, Levi, Hanji, Shadis, Erwin, and possibly, even Jack as Charlie had her own things to think about.

"Levi has his own mind, and I'm sure he was a little thrown off by your pretty girlfriend's presence," Shadis replied, eye never leaving the page in the notebook he was reading. The candle light dimmed, but he still focused on the page. Erwin wanted to shrug – but he found himself unable to act as casual as he used to do. Everyday that came, it became harder and harder. Every day, there was Shadis who barked orders, and there was Levi to offer Erwin his service, honest to serve and ever loyal to any of Erwin's authority. Erwin trusted Levi – with his own life, with his own command. The man was reliable, and Erwin had never felt so strongly about a person until Levi had come along.

He would trust Levi with anything he held dear.

"Girlfriend? I am single, Commander."

Shadis snorted.

"I meant the lady with the dark dress that had a plunging neckline the day a council was called to investigate Caroline's death."

"She isn't my girlfriend."

"Then what is she to _you?_" The snip was enough to potentially threaten Erwin.

"We work closely together."

"A pretty and a gentle lady who smiles to your face, and behind your back, shoots arrows everyday and wields a politician's mind. Interesting choice of woman."

"She is not my woman."

She was not his woman. She would never be.

"You see her beauty, but not the iron underneath."

"I do see. She is silk hiding steel, Erwin. It would be good to keep her. Caroline would want that."

_Silk hiding steel._

"She always wanted that."

"She wanted the best for that girl." Shadis scowled.

More silence.

He could have had it all.

He could have done something during that mission.

He had made the decision.

He wanted it all.

"Politics is a game that is tricky to manipulate, Erwin. If you would take my place, you should remember that."

"I know. Caroline taught me well."

"Nonetheless, there are daggers at your back that threaten you as much as the ones in front of you. You need to manage politics. You need someone who can help you."

"And?"

"She's your best pick."

"I have no problem with that."

_And I never will_.

"Erwin, help me sort out this paperwork."

"No problem."

[-]

"How many died?" Blood. Sweat. Tears. How many more did a man have to lose? Shadis was the Commander, and he had placed his attacks with his own duty on the line. He walked as a dutiful man among men, and there was no questioning his decisions, even if he cared little for the opinion of the nobility.

Shadis frowned.

"How many _died_?" Erwin repeated. Without a word, Shadis took Erwin's shoulders and looked him in the eye. These eyes, Erwin thought to himself, taking in the weight of the dark circles growing every year under his eyes, the heavy shoulders, his rough manners and rigorous speeches, were eyes that had seen more than he had.

"Too many to mention."

"Everyone dies sooner or later."

Shadis sighed.

"Let the boy die. Let the man be born," the Commander recited. "Remember that, Smith."

[-]

"Have you seen Commander Shadis lately?" A tall youth with brown hair asked Erwin, as they were cleaning their 3DMG. The lad had messy cheek-length blond hair and light-colored eyes. Lanky, like a stick. Erwin was sure he had seen him before – he had been part of Meg's graduating class. Another person who was good enough to serve under Commander Shadis' personal squad.

"Of course, I have." Erwin frowned. "What's your name?"

"My name is Braun."

"Braun?"

The youth grinned.

"Call me Braun."

"My name is Smith. Erwin Smith."

[-]

Dear Meg,

A fellow needs someone to talk to. Sometimes, I think of the way you used to climb up the chairs at the library just to get the books on the high shelves when you just could have asked some handsome and tall soldier to get the books you wanted for yourself – but then you climbed up and insisted you were fine. Then after that, you ended up falling and having tons of books in your face. I think of the way you used to cook in our squad, and how you used to stay up light to talk about things.

Do you know I saw a girl with red hair today? I thought she looked like you – but her eyes were hazel, not blue, and she was like you because she was sweet and kind and warm and gentle.

She'll never be the way you are.

The pen aches in his hands.

It bleeds – but the festering does not want to be continued. So he stares at the words and shakes his head.

This letter won't do.

Not in a world where everyone wants to fight and rule the world.

[-]

_She lost her hairpins that night, you know._

_She told me that she lost them in her room._

_They were made of Sina-forged steel._

_You said that she lost her pins._

_You said that you thought she'd never lie._

_You didn't imagine that her hairpins weren't in her room. _

_You still saw her, didn't you? But you still treated her like you were friends._

[-]

"For a rookie, you're quite smart." Hanji laughed.

Jack pretended not to mind. Her compliments, he liked. Her messy hair, her passionate nature – he liked it. She acknowledged him, but she was his senior, she was older, and she was married to her job. She was his superior, his boss, in a way, even if he had already split his divisions into two – the Science Research Division and the Medical Division.

"I thought you were fascinated by the Titans themselves."

"No, ma'am."

"Huh?"

"I wanted to learn," Jack said. Blunt and quick- that was his way. "I thought the Medical Division needed me more. I considered becoming a doctor, and I'm checking if I could do that this way."

"So you'll definitely work with Squad Leader Vane."

"Vane?"

"The man with the blue eyes who Levi likes to talk to. The two of them are good as friends."

"Hmm, he seems soft."

"He's just a man who wants to nourish life for the sake of goodness itself."

"Tch."

[-]

"Lithgow, you're going to Shiganshina."

"This fast?" Jack was _suspicious_. Did Vane mislike him or something? Vane had let it slip Capet was his niece, and no doubt, had sized him up. It wasn't Jack's faults the other female volunteers were often sneaking peeks at him whenever he passed by the room. To amuse himself in breaks, Jack often had to play chess by himself until Levi or Vane himself would pass by and pick the chess pieces wordlessly.

For Wall Sina's sake, he had only been there for a _week_. A fucking _week_.

"There's been a plague in Shiganshina. You'll go with Dr. Grisha Jaeger. He'll tell what to do."

[-]

Grisha Yeager had brown hair, and dark eyes and he had a gentleman's appearance. When Jack had arrived in Shiganshina, he had looked hard enough – and had found the doctor, after asking.

"What's your name?"

"Jack Lithgow."

"Who sent you?"

"Keith Shadis."

[-]

"What's your name?"

Charlie had scowled at the two men in uniform taking seats near her. One had chin-length blond hair, and the other had short hair.

"Gelgar Raskoph."

"Not you. I was asking your friend."

Said youth widened his eyes.

"My name is Braun," he allowed.

"The name's Charlie."

"Charlie?"

"Yes. Charlie Hunter."

"Oh, so she's the slut."

"Gelgar!"

"Hey, I'm just sayin' the truth, Braun."

Charlie rolled her eyes.

"What if I'm the slut, Braun?" she challenged as she watched Gelgar order. Braun's eyes bored into hers.

"What if I don't care that you're a slut?"

Charlie snorted.

_Cheesy. Yech._

"Then that's fine, I guess."

"Slut or not, to me, you're Charlie Hunter."

"Think whatever you like. It's your freedom as a soldier to do that. Ask me to sleep with you, I don't care. We'll die anytime."

"You're honest, don't you know?"

"Me?" She thought it was a ruse. "Trust me, I'm not."

"It's my perception of you. You're open with me."

"That's because I'm an extravert."

"Extravert or not, I like your honesty."

"Well, you're naïve."

"And what does that make of you?"

"Worldly."

"Anything you'd like to get your boyfriend?" The bartender inquired, interrupting the conversation.

"I want mil-"

"No." Charlie cut him off.

"Get him vodka."

"Vodka?"

"Yes. My treat."

Misery loved company.

[-]

"I didn't think you would be friends with Braun."

"He's just a friend."

"Remember all those men you called _friends_ who you slept with?" Erwin tapped the table lightly. He didn't miss things. "Braun doesn't seem like the type of man you would go for."

"Braun was my classmate. Nothing more."

"But you're friends with him."

"He is yours."

Erwin closed his eyes.

"A fellow soldier."

"… What's gotten into you?"

"Nothing."

"Nothing? Huh?"

"Nothing at all."

As he spoke, a redhead passed by, head set on another direction.

[-]

Dear Meg,

I've made some friends! I hope you're not too worried about me from your perch there. I want to see you soon, and let's say I've been busy. Erwin and Jack occasionally keep me company. Anyway, don't be too hard on yourself, are you?

I can't think of what to write, life is full of Titans and humans.

-Charlie

[-]

"What happened to your woman?"

"Her?"

_Her._

"You know, her. The girl with the red hair and the blue eyes who was pretty tiny. She was a nice thing."

Nile never looked any better.

"I thought you two would last as lovers."

"I didn't think you'd see us that way. We're just friends now."

"Why?"

"I thought it would be better for both of us."

"That's a pity."

Acidic. Acerbic.

"How is it so?"

Nile sipped from his coffee.

"I thought you two looked good together."

[-]

Who the fuck should I write to?

Damn it.

Dear Levi (haha, I know you're gonna enjoy this),

How is life? Still popping poop jokes? Ha. Take that. While you're picking new soldiers for your so-called badass elite squad, you might be wondering where the fuck I am. I'm sure you'd ask Hanji. After all, Hanji is my friend. You're my friend, you lucky bastard who got to see Mistress Meg naked twice.

Anyway, I'm in Shiganshina, working with a certain Dr. Grisha Jaeger. He's housing me. The man is married, and his wife's not bad to look at. Still can't hold a candle to Meg, but holds a candle to Charlie, that is. (Don't tell her that, I just think Charlie is kinda cute but Hanji and Meg are prettier.) Her name is Carla, and she mothers me. She tells me that Grisha is a kind man and what am I to do but believe her? When Grisha is sleeping, sometimes, the good woman and I talk.

By this rate, we've become good friends. Carla hopes to have more children with her husband, and she asks me if I've thought of marriage. I said that I was sweet on someone. Later that night, I thought if I really said the truth to her.

Maybe. Maybe not.

At this point, you might be the only person I am sweet on. Don't assume that I look at you that way. I just get so frustrated. Maybe I do need some release once in a while. Reminds me. Once I'm out of Shiganshina, let us get drinking and get laid. It's been a year since I told Charlie I'd get laid.

Look at Charlie – she's laid and she likes it.

Goddamnit.

-Jack

[-]

"Did you miss me?" Hanji asked, unable to curb her enthusiasm. The hot cup of coffee was not given its due attention. The worn eatery in Shiganshina captured her – the energy of the bustling population. The mosquitoes in dirty alleys. The cats running rampant, in the maze of this large city. And also – Jack Lithgow, one of her old squad mates. Jack Lithgow, once considered a sort of idol of sorts for the other soldiers, who was now in Shiganshina under Shadis' orders. Jack's skin was paler than ever, and he did look a little more mature, but nonetheless, grown more handsome with the months.

The pale skin of his collarbone, the white collar of his shirt, his clean vest and his coat laid on the table. The skin of his arm on her hand. The light on his ears and the smell of sickness and humanity resting on his eyes.

"You know I did."

"Good to know that."

"Did you get my letter?"

"The one you sent to Levi?"

"Yes."

Hanji laughed.

"What?"

"I read it – and it was funny."

Jack blushed slightly.

"But really? How _sweet_ are you on him?"

Jack shrugged.

"He and I are just friends."

"Do you swing that way?"

"NO!"

"Ohh…"

"Well, how about _you_?"

"Me?"

"What have you been up to, since I left? Shadis ordering you around? Or you do miss Thatcher? Is Charlie still sleeping around? Is Erwin getting busier and busier? Is Levi taking care of himself?"

Jack had outdone himself, Hanji thought. He was good at predicting things. He could sense them but he relied on his own thinking to get himself out and safe.

"I missed Thatcher. I missed you. I missed Charlie's horrible jokes. And Levi, too. Shadis, not too much." Jack's lips twisted. "I'd rather see Thatcher or Erwin become the Commander. Shadis is too fucking angsty. Shadis is too traditional. I hate it."

"You do realize," Hanji murmured, " that Shadis is doing his job."

Jack's gaze cut through her.

"And is that all?"

"You mislike him." Hanji gnawed on a fingernail. "Do you have any idea what Shadis is undergoing right now?"

"He's a boss. He likes bossing people around – on what tradition dictates."

"Jack. Have you ever been in love?"

"No."

"Have you ever seen the way that Shadis looked and talked about Thatcher?"

"Huh?"

"You wouldn't understand."

"Me?"

He did not get it.

"You've never been in love, to have a bleeding heart in a dangerous time, in a time of war. In our time, we don't have fairy tales. What we have is a life that is temporary, that pain is inevitable and what do we do? We weather the tides."

"How about you?"

Hanji blinked.

"You're my _underling_. You're not supposed to ask questions like that."

"Yes, ma'am."

"Let the boy die. Let the man be born. That's what they say in the military."

[-]

"Have you ever loved a woman, Erwin?"

"Sir?"

"I was asking you a question." Shadis did not cross his eyes. Nor did he look away. His gaze was heavy and clear, and he knew what he wanted. Erwin knew better than to avoid the Commander's gaze. He was at the Commander's mercy, after all. In Shadis' hand was a flask of alcohol – it smelled oddly like the same type of alcohol that Thatcher used to consume when she felt like drinking. Shadis smelled slightly of blood – and dead roses.

"I was listening."

"Good. Then answer my question. Have you ever loved a woman, Erwin Smith?"

"Answer me!"

"I have."

"Do you know what it is like to lose her?"

"How exactly, _lose_? Dead or alive?"

"Both."

He had to be honest. There was little point in fooling Shadis. Shadis was a simple man, after all. A simple man he was, but he was a man who took to things the way they were supposed to be. He sensed things, and ideas were of a rather lesser concern to him.

"I've lost a woman in my life. I almost made a mistake with it."

"Why didn't you keep her if you loved her?"

"That's because… I wanted other things. More than her."

"You were the same."

[-]

Hey Erwin,

I'm in Shiganshina? Is Shadis killing you slowly? You're so busy the only one left I have to write to is Levi. And you know how Levi is. Seriously.

-Jack

Jack,

Shadis has made me his personal aide. I am at his beck and call almost everyday. It's mostly work.

-Erwin

Erwin,

DO. YOU. NOT. HAVE. A LIFE?

-Jack

P.S. I don't have a life either, besides work.

[-]

Let the boy die.  
Let the man be born.

That was what they said in the military.

[-]

"You're a soldier, aren't you?"

Jack glanced from his shoulder to throw Grisha a glance.

"I am," Jack admitted. He had always detested useless melodrama.

"What specific regiment?"

"Why are you even asking? If you're asking, I come from the Scouting Legion. Commander Shadis sent me here."

"Ah. I see now." Grisha smiled fondly. "He did warn me you would come. He talked about you. A dark-haired man with dapper looks, and a mind made for intelligence."

[-]

When he dropped the first silverware set he ever bought, he found himself looking at the scattered piece of glass and porcelain. It was flimsy – and as soft as it was, it was breakable. Pretty to look at, but not durable, not able to adapt. His fingers had touched it, feeling the glass that hardened and melded its shape. His thumb and index finger clung to the lifeless piece of pottery, his eyes slits as he tried to figure this thing out. Royals used this – why not pour tea and drink from it?

He took a sip. This life was certainly a paradox in its own respects. He still remembered it all – the mosquitoes and the bites, the reddish marks that itched and clawed under his skin, the deadly poison into his bloodstream angrily leaking. What had he looked up to? The upper life, a life from the poverty and the dead darkness that had hovered above his head, the presence of those thugs who wanted his head on a spike. He had wanted to be safe and sound, that security, the protection he wanted so much was a protection he could have offered to some lucky wench who wanted to push herself on him. He could have been that man.

He could have been in the high rise of the social strata. If that had been, then would he still be the man he was now? Erwin had made him a soldier with a cause – and the ghosts haunted the back of his mind.

Would he still –

The handle of the cup snapped. The porcelain exploded, small fire in the electricity that crackled through the details and the shape of the cup.

Levi did not want to say anything.

This was…

Unforgivable.

His reverie was interrupted, his train of thought perturbed by the penetration of a plain piece of pottery's explosion.

Fragile and beautiful.

Things he knew.

A woman he could know.

Memories.

His fingertips gave in to the coldness that shrouded his mind. Like a sunburn, the mark had not come off. He had not thought in long runs – he had never even tried.

Needless to say, this was traumatizing.

[-]

The sunlight came, and golden shines lingered in the red locks that were tied up. Loosening hair strands and blue eyes that stared, meeting dark ones. In the darkness, the sudden sight of the light almost made her unnerved.

"Do you know why I put you in my squad, Capet?"

"That's because Caroline trusted you. She would trust you – or Erwin – to look after me."

"Wrong answer. You're not always right, you know." Shadis scowled. "That's why you were on temporary hiatus, just missions, no real expedition for the time being until I say so. You're still a work in progress – like Erwin is. You two are a team and you two need each other like the sun and moon need each other."

His gaze bored through her. In her uniform, she felt oddly conscious.

"He needs you. You need him. You two are good with dealing with the higher-ups. I heard about your little trial." Meg noted there was a rather distasteful aroma with which he spoke the sentence. He could easily have seen through it all. No one had been allowed to speak. The memory made her skin burn, and her eyes water at the thought.

"My hands are stained," Meg replied curtly. "I don't want your pity. I don't want your judgement."

"My, my. What happened to you?"

"Nothing."

Lies.

"It's not like you to release your tears. Caroline told me you were an emotional one. What's happened to the girl who dreamed of romance?"

"She's dead," Meg snapped.

"Then who is the girl in front of me?"

Meg raised her chin and cupped her hands.

"I just don't want to cry no more. I don't want to die a little more everyday – I want to pull myself from harm."

[-]

"Are you sure you're fine?"

Meg looked up – and saw blond hair and blue eyes and a hand on top of her hand.

"Define _fine_," she replied, wiping her face.

"You look unwell."

Meg bit her lip.

"I can deal with it."

"You look blank. You're not being yourself."

"I'm trying to adapt. Shadis' squad isn't exactly the best place for a soldier like I am. You know me, Erwin Smith."

"You can do it."

"R-Really?"

"Remember, that this is a chessboard. I'm the king. You're the queen – and Levi is the knight. I'll always be here to help you."

For a moment, Meg could have sworn that during that moment, she felt something jolt in the air. Her cheeks reddened, and the eye contact so intense it felt almost so _wonderful_, that she was almost _floating_. It was something so similar in the air – the air when Levi had jumped in to push the lecherous minstrel away from. Somehow, it reminded her of that.

"That's better."

"Huh?"

"You're smiling. It's nice."

[-]

When he left the room, Meg buried her face in a book.

What was this feeling?

[-]

"What's your major malfunction, Capet?!"

Squad Shadis was cleaning their apartment, when Meg had fallen from cleaning the library shelves, landing on her face.

"I slipped –"

"And I saved her," came Erwin's voice.

* * *

"Don't you mind it's always you and me being stuck together?"

It was night – and they were in Erwin's room, playing chess again.

"Mind it?"

"Yeah."

"I don't. In fact, I like it."

* * *

"Capet!"

"W-What is it, sir?"

"Stick to Smith at all times! I can't have your ass getting suicidal on us all the time!"

* * *

"Capet!"

"What is it, sir?"

"You're in charge of the Correspondences from now on."

"What else, sir?"

"Take care of Smith for me. Also, you're on your own."

On your own.

* * *

"How is it taking care of Correspondence?"

"It's keeping me busy, but makes me sentimental. All these letters - they have someone they love."

"And you don't?"

"I can tell you so little, Erwin." She laughed bitterly. "No one will ever marry me for love. No one will kiss me for love. No one at all. How many rape attempts are going to change that fact?"

* * *

**Notes:** I'm so sorry this is so late, I'm having my sixth final exam tomorrow and after two, I'm free for a month! 3 Thanks for the reviews and support! We finally have Grisha's debut. A few more canons will be making more appearances in the next chapters to follow. I have to fill the gaps with the years passing. Also, the brackets in the last section represent the time period. Baby Meg is growing up. :3

**PSA:** The last breaks have timeskips.


	8. Power and Control

**EMPIRE**

* * *

**Chapter 8:** Power and Control

**Summary:** Give a little, get a lot. Meg thinks on correspondence of behalf of being a soldier.

* * *

"Correspondence?"

Charlie almost barfed the chicken sandwich she was stuffing in her mouth.

"I'm good with communicating," Meg chirped back. "I've been writing reports with Erwin – and well, although Shadis is hard on me, I think I can do it."

"Speaking of correspondence, haven't you heard anything from Jack and Levi?"

Meg's fork hit the wooden surface of the table.

Levi wouldn't send her a letter. Levi wouldn't bother to think of her. She had never asked him for a word, not even a letter. Of course, she mentally reasoned to herself, he would not bother thinking of her. She had been the idiot who had tried to sleep on his bed, and had carried him out of the fray, with a dead captain in tow. She had been the mindless girl he had sparred with, stars in eyes and dreaming of nothing. She had seen the man – but not the iron underneath. The name sent shivers down her spine – of the memory of a cold night, the slash of a knife and a kiss.

"Levi would never have an excuse to write to me," Meg stated. "He hates me. I think he does. We're at the opposite ends of the spectrum."

"Levi is a lone wolf, so that's a bit understandable he wouldn't write to anyone – except Erwin, I guess," Charlie huffed. "The two of them are sworn brothers. Jack, he'd write to, also, but I thought he'd write to you, too."

"Write to _me_?"

Charlie rubbed one eye. "You two were sneaking around during that mission in the capital during the night. You two always occupied the common room in the nighttime. But then, anyway, turns out, Jack has been sending letters. Still makes me laugh he doesn't bother writing letters to you."

"Jack doesn't like me."

"..That's so _sad_."

"That is _not_ sad! Just because the only male I see 24/7 days a week is Erwin Smith doesn't mean I'm sad he is the only guy I hang out with."

"**_Cockblock_**."

"What – I mean, um, he is not cockblock."

"He _is_ cockblock."

"Erwin Smith is not cockblock. I told you already, I'm putting my career ahead of my love life. I don't even own a sex life. Unlike you."

"Seriously. I can't even get Mike to hook up with you because he's terrified of what Erwin will do to him."

"Can I sit with you two?"

Meg threw a glance – and she quickly noticed the face that accompanied the voice. Braun, she realized, Braun, who Erwin and Charlie often talked to in the expeditions, in the campfire, while Meg preferred sleeping inside the tent. Blond hair and eyes that often flickered to Charlie – he was dead set on her.

"Yes."

"-Or possibly, you're developing this _**thing**_ for Erwin," Charlie's words ran on like a pile of poop stench hitting the air. "A crazy little thing called _**love**_."

"I don't love Erwin that way," Meg grumbled, avoiding the eye contact. She rolled her eyes. Her? Him? She couldn't – But then, it was an idea making itself known so suddenly. Her mind retreated into its own memories. The recollection of the sharing of the same bed, the times they had taken baths together, all under the moon, those times playing chess and talking of small things. Hmmm. How did one do with romance in the military? She was _seventeen_ now, she thought on, seventeen and had bled already. Seventeen and awkward and starting to sprout curves and a better chest size.

Charlie had filled out her curves rather nicely.

The problem… What was even the problem with her? She _liked_ him – how he smelled, how he came to her in the afternoons, how they prodded each other in chess and talked of politics and games. She loved it when he came running to her to have his new wound healed, or when he walked with her.

"Leave it at that? You know, you could just seduce him," Charlie huffed. "I think he'd like it a lot if you walked in naked in your next chess game."

"Charlie," Braun snorted, "you just can't go telling people to fuck."

"Well, I told you to do the same. What do I get? You don't jump on anyone. I'm so disappointed in you, my sweet little young caterpillar." The two were staring at each other so intensely Meg giggled. Braun's demeanor _changed_, she observed, as he looked at Charlie. He held onto Charlie, those eyes, taking that piece of Charlie.

[-]

"Braun's in love with the slut," Meg heard one of the officers stationed at the workspace adjacent to the Correspondence Division office whisper. It was a man with dark hair, and a beard. Alongside him, was a tall blonde woman.

"You mean, Hunter, Dita?" "I guess so, Nanaba."

"Gelgar got a new girlfriend!"

"Did you hear? Mike's gotten a bastard in every town that the Survey Corps has been housed in! It doesn't help his nose can smell brothels, tho!"

All the noise scrunched up Meg's skin. All this useless gossip.

[-]

"Haven't you gotten anything from Levi?"

Erwin was visiting her occasionally, as a member of the Correspondence Division. Stacks of papers emitting dust that spilled on the surfaces of paper.

"Me?"

"Yes."

"Why would I get anything from him? He detests me. I know he does. He saved me because it was his job." Meg shrugged.

"I didn't think so."

"Oh. So what do you think? Why would he send me something?"

"I thought he liked you."

_What the hell?_

_I like _you, Meg thought, watching his mouth move_._

"He doesn't have anyone left, you know – I had this feeling he developed an attachment to you. Maybe it's the resemblance." Erwin chuckled. "I'm the only one he has left."

_Why me?_

"I wouldn't take him at face value alone," Meg heard herself say. "I didn't expect him to take me like that." She blushed coolly, fanning her face in the heat of the gathering black. "And no, I don't think he likes me. I don't see it that way. He would never see me that way. I'm an idiot, am I? Of course he sees me like that, that I think like a lady and act too nice and fret over domestic chores and stuff. Of course." She closed her eyes.

"Tired?"

"Nope." She held up the piece of parchment.

"Who's that from?"

"I've gotten mail from the royal family, some Houses and a few people who sponsor the expedition. The death tolls are rising and it's not making _**them**_ happy. A couple of sponsors left," Meg explained. "I had to take some notes, and the royal family isn't doing anything that much so I thought eventually I would go to the capital myself. Shadis left me in charge – because Thatcher controlled the Correspondence Division."

"Go to the capital by yourself? I'll go with you."

"We need more sponsors, don't we? I could make it happen – and I want it to be a reality. Erwin, I've seen what happens in the battlefield. I didn't say I would be going to the capital with you, you know."

"I'm going with you."

"You're not part of the Correspondence Division," Meg replied. "Why do you think you have to go with me? I'm in charge of this division, not you. I can have someone else accompany me. No one will bother looking at me there." As if the rape attempts weren't that obvious. Did he even have an idea of what happened the last time they had gone to the capital? They would not suspect a thing from her. After all, she would hold her own.

"I promised you I'd be by your side, the way you're always at mine. I'm not risking losing you. I don't want to suffer more losses – especially yours, since you have so much to fight for."

"You're the one making the decisions for me, not me," Meg pointed out. "I want to be able to decide for myself, too. And I've decided to go to the capital by myself. I will look respectable."

"I can make you look respectable."

"It's _my_ choice to make." The strings in her head spun. If he would be seen with her – Ohh! Meg's heart skipped a beat. _Then Erwin possibly could have a reason for pulling the political strings with her._ _He's always wanted to be in control. Even back then. He could get anything done – it would be a good probability rate to set his sight on being Commander. Commander Erwin Smith._

The pause was pregnable, a mountain.

"Respectable or not, I need an identity as a soldier. Not just your lackey. I may stick to you and be by your side, but first and foremost, I'm my own person. If people will continue seeing me as yours, then I won't be successful in my own career as a soldier." _I will build an empire_, she remembered, that snow day.

"You have a point, but your safety is of a priority concern to me. I've heard what happened last time we went there – you almost got raped. I'm not letting it happen again."

Their voices were rising, and the tension was not ready to be cleared. She could read something underneath the wordless movements he projected, her own sentimentality, his own determination clawing at her.

"You two, too?"

The creak of a door – and a shadow of sandy hair – and the tension was finally smoothed by the presence of a ruddy-faced Charlie Hunter, her button-down shirt loose, showing a lot of skin more than what was intended. Her face was so red it was the color of wine and her ears were burning fire.

"Cadet Hunter, can you please button your shirt?" Erwin's voice gave away his irritation.

"You two were yelling! I was about to reach my org –" Charlie coughed and shrugged. "Anyway, I was trying to sleep and you two were hurting my ears. I didn't imagine you two would be yelling at each other, too."

"It's none of your business, Hunter, so go to your barrack and sleep," Erwin declared.

"You two. Arguing. Like an old married couple. Figures," Charlie sniffed and left abruptly. She glared at Erwin and spat, the saliva from her tongue landing on the floor.

"Does Shadis even know you want to go with me?"

"He'll let me, Meg. He will. He knows so little about politics… unlike the way you and me know how to do."

_You and me_.

His teeth ground and the wind was suddenly felt in their skin.

_The chessboard. The mazes._

"I'll talk to Shadis tomorrow."

"Have it arranged, then." As he spoke, his tone was gruff and his gaze was no longer warm. Where the friend had left, someone else had replaced it. Someone who was desiring control, someone who wanted to take the fire and make it his with hers. Suddenly, this scene seemed so familiar – he reminded her of her father, when her father was not moony-headed, when he was straight in thinking and he counted money. The smell of vinyl filling the air, the scent of his power sticking to him like how bees clung to honey. His chin lifted, his eyes steely and he oozed with the confidence of a winner, because he knew what he wanted and he was getting it. He had the ability to control and play things in a game – and he would not stop until all was his.

"I will!"

For the first time, he said nothing to her.

_He was angry at me,_ she thought later, as she looked into the mirror. Raising her undershirt, her stomach was flat – and her shoulder had a pale moon-shaped crescent paling. The cut on her arm, the scar on her shoulder accentuated by the locks of fire framing her face, a face that was pleasant to look at but not really that beautiful. The bruises on her arms from training, the dark bruise under her eye earlier from training, and the soft curve of her mouth.

_What does Erwin really think of me? Does he really like me as me? Or just see me as a pawn?_

Wide awake in bed, she found herself restless once again. The kitchen was sought and a solitary game of chess commenced. When she tried to close her eyes, sleep would seep- and then visions slithered.

Mazes.

Blood.

Corpses.

She would wake up hot and sweaty and terrified – and turning to solitary chess games for comfort.

Only thing missing was the smell of dried metal – and tea.

It smelled like _him_.

[-]

"Why do you like sex so much?"

Charlie was up early; her hair was messy as usual. Her eyes were warm and she faced the question. Her knees were firm, and she took a bite of the salt bread. Her face dimpled as she chewed on the muddled piece of loaf. A smile curved her face.

"Are you really asking?"

"Of course, I am," Meg replied. "I haven't been doing anything. No sex at all. I'm surrounded by paperwork and books all day. You, you can manage sex and being a soldier at all. Why do you really love sex? I'm curious."

"Should I mention details?" Charlie giggled.

"Please do."

"Hmmm… I like it because it's _simple_. You touch, you feel someone else's skin on yours. You don't have to explain anything – and it feels _good_ you know." She blushed as she spoke. "At first, I wanted to try it because I wanted to lose it before I hit twenty. The first time wasn't awkward, but rather, I thought I liked it so why not do it more? I felt confident every time I did it with someone, when I dominated over someone in the bed."

"Didn't it hurt?"

"It hurt – but I loved that pain. With it came plenty of pleasure. It's physical, and I love the simulation I get from sex."

"Doesn't it bother you doing it with someone you're not emotionally attached to?"

"I really can't care less. But, it helps. Sex helps when I'm sad. I'm not alone – and I'm scared of being alone. If I had no one in my bed, then I would not be warm."

"You know, when you're sad, you can come to _me_. I'm your best friend. Please. Tell me your problems and I'll give you what you need."

"That's the _**problem**_," Charlie choked out. Her voice strained. "I'm always being so clingy to you, and it's a fucking disgusting thing."

"It's not," Meg assured her. "We're both soldiers, aren't we?"

"We are, but we're both women. You don't know a woman's libido. You've never had these urges to go bed someone. I can tell though, that there will be men who will want to touch you." Charlie grunted. "If you only did it with someone, then you would understand why."

"I'd rather do it… with someone before I go home."

"Then go screw someone!" A laugh imploded the room. "Isn't that such an easy thing to do?"

"Unfortunately, I'm desperate."

"Desperate?"

"Desperately need of a distraction. I can't fall asleep. My mind keeps me awake." _And memories do._

"Go have a fling with Erwin."

"… That's not good. He got angry at me last night. I like him a lot, but there's something in Erwin that I'm trying to fathom. I think he's becoming less of the Erwin I know."

[-]

"I am asking your permission, sir," Meg explained, "to leave the base and go to the capital to appeal to the smallfolk and the nobles and the royal family about the cause of the Scouting Legion. I will deal with the public relations from this point on as some sponsors have already dropped our cause."

Shadis nodded on. "How would you exactly fucking do that?"

"I would project an image of course and convince them to support our cause. I would interact with the public and the nobles because that is what politics is. Thatcher trained me in these things, and I know how to handle political games. You'd feel much safer if I was the one who would convince and play with the government." As she spoke, there was little rush of blood to the head, no wind in her ears that voiced her silence. What was once was silent was now moving, for what once used to be tiny was now larger. As she spoke, her words were laced with politeness. _Kind and gracious, the way a lady is._ Her hands were curled in her lap, her posture straight as a ramrod.

"What if…"

"What if what _**exactly**_, Commander?" She flashed a smile. Every note perfect. Every smile genuine, the light in her eyes, the warmth she exuded.

"What if this demands from you something that violates you?"

"Don't worry. It's nothing, really." The room had little sound, and then, was there the flutter of a heart? The nervousness didn't emit from her skin, nor the way of a woman who knew little of the world. She supposed, maybe that she did learn. "I will go to the capital on my own terms, and I'll make them fall for me."

She smiled.

"You can trust me, I will not let you down, Commander." Just like as her predecessor had always wanted it to be. Soon, she knew, she would take off the uniform, the heart inside her skin a hollow blaze, and the room cold, looking for that breath of life, where she had tucked her own aspirations away. She would slip into a new skin, and go where the size didn't matter. "What matters isn't me. It's the _cause_ itself."

"Fine. Pull the strings." His glance was far away. The light in his eye only grew more dim, ad the tension in his fingers remained. For a moment, there was that solitary smile that played and pulled in the lines of his mouth.

But there was none as she walked the more, the footsteps becoming less audible, the room becoming colder and colder and emptier and until Shadis was looking at her like he was a man seeing the sun for the first time.

[-]

"_Why should a girl see blood and collapse?"_

_She laughed. The skin on her face was wet, the fire of her hair falling from where she had tied her hair up. The white apron she had over her military uniform was dripping._

"_Why not?"_

"_You're every bit a lady. It can be a little off-putting with you. It's hard to read you. You're surrounded by blood, you're a brat."_

"_Actually, girls see more blood than boys."_

"_Then not all girls are like you."_

[-]

The braid on her head, the strands falling from her parted red fringe, the texture and feeling of the low-necked red dress didn't make her nervous. Without Erwin, she had slipped off the military uniform and braided her hair with fingers that trembled, and fixed herself. When looking in front of the mirror, she saw someone else – and she would be taking that shadow of herself with her in the capital. The red dress was something comfortable – but it didn't hide the feeling that itched her belly when she realized how much skin she was bearing. _You are a lady_, she told herself, _and you must make them love you. You are a lady and you always have to be sure you are loved._ The kohl lining her faces made her eyes water but she managed to twitch.

It seemed like her arrival at the capital was perfect. According to the calendar that her brother had sent her, most of the power players of the politics here in Sina were stationed here, since King Fritz was going to host balls. With almost no guard, Meg was sure she needed some space all to herself. She had chosen this route and she would stick to it; there was no choice but to do what was expected. Sure, no one had come with her, but dropping some lines to her brother did some good.

This was a thing. When all eyes would be on her, when she would be looked up to. And all this time, she hadn't predicted that she would take up this helm and cause. It amused her to reflect back on her old memories, that one day, she would take up a nice cause and sacrifice her own potentials for the sake of fighting for a decent thing that would one day change the world. She didn't expect dealing with politics, or talking to men, eye-to-eye levels with them, or getting raped. The monsters had won, but she would have to keep on fighting, because the bravado allowed her to put on a show.

"Who do you wish to talk to?" The guards stole looks at her, inspecting every detail. From the minute line of her face, to the low-necked dress she wore, the shawl on her shoulders. _They see the woman and her body, but not the steel underneath_.

"I'm a representative of the Survey Corps branch of the military, and I want to talk to the king and the nobles. I am Lady Margaret Capet, head of the Correspondence Division and I need to speak to the king. " At that, they let her in.

At the Great Hall, the people were gathered. There were ladies bedecked in golds, gems hanging from their necks, shining brighter than the copper in Meg's own head when there was light. They stole looks at her – from her gait. More dominant than the women, the men were scattered. Guards positioned at where the throne slept. Every one of them – their Houses – she could name them. From the wood in their hair, to the corruption to the Military Police that seeped their skin, there were the Abellards. They whose words were "Loyal and gracious." The Reiss, who were a minority in spite of their own status, were there. Lord Reiss eyed her intently, as if she had no clothes on, his stature thin and aged, and for a moment, she almost remembered her brother. The Reiss House lord was accompanied by a dark-haired beauty, Frida, the eldest daughter, who smiled.

Meg beamed at them all.

What would the ladies know of what she had seen? She had seen blood spilled – she had seen men die in battle. She had seen her own squad leader fall into battle, an invalid. The wound was still nursing. She would know better than to trust them all.

"Who are you and what have you come here for?"

From his throne, the king looked up at her. _Heavy is the head that wears a crown_, thought the redhead. She stood in front of the doorway. No matter how long was the distance between them, he would still pierce her gaze. His gaze was not light; she felt her shoulder blades pull in double time. She took in an intake of air, and _breathed. _

"I am Margaret Capet of House Capet, and I've come here for a reason." As she said her words, she beamed. The fluttering of her heart was no longer there. The nervousness was suddenly vanquished. This was for her cause. This was for the Scouting Legion. She had a _vision_ and she wanted it to be real. "I am here to represent House Capet, my lord," she added, lowering her head and curtsying.

The crowd suddenly burst in noise. Ladies opened their mouths. Men eyed her. Some smiled. Others squinted their eyes and peered at her.

"I stand here in front of you all to represent House Capet…" She lifted her chin and started walking. Every hand motion perfect, every word said carefully. "… and talk of a matter with you. I have an offer for you, my lord."

The women's whispers grew louder.

"A pretty young heiress making an offer to me?" The king snorted. "I'll take up on the offer, then. No one should turn a pretty girl's offer down."

"This offer is in the best interest of everyone," Meg declared. "I believe that everyone of us should contribute to the benefit of society, and this is a good way to start."

The noise went dead.

"Go on."

"One of the major problems that harm our society today is the threat of Titans. To defeat the Titans, there are soldiers, who embody the government. The government's role is to resolve conflict, maintain stability – and to maintain stability, the government hires the military. The branch of military who fights the Titans is the Scouting Legion."

A few girls widened their eyes. Men stopped talking and stared her. The stare of the king suddenly felt heavier.

"I want to offer a betrothal in exchange of funding for the Scouting Legion. To eradicate the Titans would mean _**one less**_ problem for the government to handle. It is one less reason for the public to be scared of achieving self-actualization! It means society can benefit as a whole and I assure, all of you, would benefit!"

Some murmurs.

"A member of your House, for funding?"

"Of course. Name any member – and I'll accept it as long as every single House will donate and contribute to my cause. This cause is noble – and I choose to champion this cause because as you all know, I left noble life to help society as a soldier. I now implore all of you to help me weather this cause."

She fixed her gaze on the crowd. "I will stay here, until every single House will pledge funding for my cause."

The king's eyes wavered to her.

"Let me think on it."

Meg lowered her head and curtsied.

"Think on it wisely."

[-]

Charlie missed her. The smile, the way her hair shone – she missed red hair and blue eyes and a lady's manners. Nothing quelled it – it bled.

Laying on the bed, she felt Braun's fingers rubbing her shoulder. His fingers were so _long_ and so _nimble_. It almost reminded her of Meg and her lady's manners. He smelled of sweat and dried blood, of a soldier's activities – and tea. The blanket hung over her head, and she buried her head into the pillow.

"Don't you like relationships?"

"Just physical ones," Charlie grumbled.

"Ohh."

"Why, have a problem with that?"

"N-Nothing."

"Good." Charlie raised one brow at him. "Braun, haven't you ever been with a woman?"

"N-No."

"Poor you." Charlie smelled it in his breath. The man was sweating, and fumbling. He didn't shake, but he was oddly unnerved by it all. The booze, the wine, her.

"If you want to me, I'll do it!"

"Oh-kay."

"But first, I want to talk. Talk a little more." He inhaled and exhaled. Wasn't he so _cute?_ Charlie smiled.

"Fine. We talk, and then you take me."

"Okay.." His hand reached for hers underneath the blanket. "Why don't you like relationships?"

"Ah…"

Charlie bit her lip.

The memories flooded in her head. Suddenly, she saw a man's back turn on her. Suddenly, she heard the screaming. The crying. The pain.

"..Are you-"

"Nah. I'll answer it," Charlie cried out fiercely. Of course. She had to. "I was the only eldest girl among boys. My father left my mother when he became a soldier. He…"

"He what?"

"He.."

Tears.

"He left us when he became a soldier. I had to scrape tooth and nail. He walked out on my mother and my brothers, and my mother would die from hunger. I became a soldier to find my father and when.."

Sobs.

"Go on."

"W-When I tried to find his name in the roster, his name was not there." He squeezed her hand and let her cry and cry.

When the crying was over, he wiped the tears.

"And you know what I learned?"

"What?"

"I learned that he transferred divisions. Now, he's either in the Garrison or the Military Police."

"Charlie."

"What now?"

"I don't think we should sleep together now."

[-]

Lady Capet was lovely. She was as pretty as a Madonna from a painting. Her skin was ivory, her hair fire and her countenance made of soft stuff but when she spoke, it was silk hiding steel. And Frida knew when she saw silk hiding steel. The rumples in her red dress didn't hide the glow on her face, the eyes of a girl who knew more than what was laid in front of her. When they played chess, her eyes were focused.

In a matter of thirty moves, Frida knew she was losing.

"You're so good at chess," Frida attempted. It was a lady's duty to entertain with pleasant conversation.

"Thank you."

"When did you start playing?"

"I started playing when I was seven, my lady." Meg smiled. "I didn't take it seriously… until I turned fifteen and I played it seriously."

"So, have you never lost?"

"I've loved… and I've lost."

Her look suddenly became grim.

Frida kept her mouth shut after that.

[-]

Dear Charlie,

As of now, I'm writing from the capital. I've made to do something for our cause. I'm offering what I can in order to get more funding from the nobility.

Even my own hand.

-Meg

Dear Meg,

Are you stupid? You've given up your own freedom to choose who will you marry? That's seriously BONKERZ!

-Charlie

[-]

When she fell asleep, there was darkness – and she let the darkness consume her. She learned to enjoy it. The black flicks, the wind, the ever-constant presence of foreboding and cautiousness. There wasn't much time, and soldiers were dying all the time. If she couldn't make sacrifices, then what kind of a woman was she to let the cycle go on and on? Power wasn't a thing she was interested in. She just wanted to use the plan to create something worth fighting for.

At least, that was what she thought.

Outside, when it rained, she worried. She worried about Erwin, about Jack, if Charlie was risking her neck and nail to get things done. Sometimes, she dozed off, after ideas popped into her head. If it was sunny, she rode out and gave bread and coins to the beggars because they were human and they needed it.

It seemed like Fritz was taking his time.

Perhaps Erwin wouldn't come for her. Perhaps… But then, if it was Erwin she couldn't understand, then who else could she understand? To love someone was to understand something about them. What was wrong with loving someone when out there was always a constant mass of war? It meant lives were on the run and there was a high chance of dying and of course, you didn't know if the day you had would be your last. How much did she know of him?

She had seen him as a friend, but now… Did she know? Or not?

He had gotten angry at her, and it terrified her. What if she died here? She wasn't a fool to come here thinking she wasn't risking anything. She was risking her own relationship status to get this thing done!

Wait… Would that be enough to get him to notice her?

To make things worse, there were maids who were playing kissing games, and come to think of it, they had been asking Meg about kissing. Occasionally, her mind wandered. Was the kiss actually real?

Well, screw Levi, then. If he had actually _kissed_ her, then.. She wouldn't mind it at all. But what if..?

_My brain is tired and fried._ When was the king going to decide on it? She hoped it wouldn't be her who would marry.

_This is hell._

_Hell isn't afterlife._ This was hell – the world she was living in right now. A girl in a low-necked red dress, her red hair aflame, her face numbed by the warmth of her smiles, her veins hot and the fire springing inside.

"Lady Capet."

"I know."

[-]

"I've thought of your offer, my lady. I am honoured by it."

"So am I, my lord. I should be the one who is humbled," Meg replied. "So, who did you choose? Me or my brother?" The sweat poured from her forehead, and she swapped at it, the smile on her face ever-remaining.

"I've made my cards."

"Well, let me hear it, so I can know and send word to my House to prepare for the official betrothal."

The king smiled back at her.

"You look like as if you've seen a ghost."

"I'm not!" The laugh came, casually. "Truly, my lord, I do not believe in the afterlife. I do not like to think of hell as a state of the afterlife." She bit at her lip. "To me, hell is life itself. Well, I want an answer."

"I chose you."

"Why me? You flatter me." She feigned ignorance, and her eyes widened. _Well, me. Of course, it has to be me._

"You're young and beautiful, my dear. Young enough to be wedded and bedded and bear children of your own."

"I am afraid you've made the wrong decision."

"Why is that?"

The color in her cheeks must have given her away. Was it the blush? She shivered, she paled, and yet, she stood, the sky outside still and awaiting her approval.

"That's because I am a poor choice."

"How are _you_ a poor choice? Explain to me this. My eldest son liked the look of you. He said you looked like a fine woman to wed and bed."

If only.

If only she could pull out her bow and arrows. If only she could get into her old uniform. The stares men gave her made her ache to be in uniform. No matter how much a man looked at you, would it be certain he would like you for being you?

"I'll die eventually," Meg murmured. "I am a soldier. I serve the Scouting Legion and I am at war at most times, my lord. The stress and trauma from my occupation doesn't help my state. I am bleeding, but I can't…" How did one even explain this? The mental stress of being a soldier and undernourishment certainly circumvented her from menstruating – she had figured that much from the medical textbooks her uncle had let her read. "I'm not menstruating enough, and I'm not fertile."

"Too bad."

Meg let the smile drop. In its place was a placid eye-stare, squinted. The calm blue becoming an azure storm, hitting its target.

"I considered your brother. Your brother… and my daughter."

"My brother," Meg allowed herself to say. "My brother for funds. Is it a fair deal?"

"Fair enough."

"Very well, then. I will take my leave –"

"Wait, my lady."

"What is it?"

"Do you understand the game you're playing, little lady?"

"I do," she replied, ever gracious. There was little patience with people sometimes. "I came here as a lady, and my work is done, I suppose. I will send word to my brother. Does it fare well with you, my lord, at this rate?"

"Of course."

"The betrothal… I want it to be done by next week, if you please. My brother will get the message."

Operation Funding was over – but the betrothal part. It just had to be gotten over with.

[-]

"I'm willing to fund your cause," Frida informed her. "I will shoulder it if my father will not agree with the cause."

"That's great thanks."

"Are you well? You look tired."

"I'm not but really, I'm so grateful."

At least _**Frida**_, Meg thought, wasn't into kissing games and asking you how many dudes you bedded within the last three years.

[-]

"You've never kissed a man?"

"I'm a soldier, not a whore," she laughed.

"But, really! Is Erwin Smith good-looking in personal?"

Erwin Smith seemed popular, huh? The answer boiled down when Meg took a look at the book the other lady was reading. It was a romance novel with a man who did resemble Erwin Smith.

"He is," Meg sighed.

"So you know him?"

"I did," she thought. She looked at the girls around her. They had never seen men die. They had never seen and spilled blood on their hands. They were trapped in the delusions of romance that chivalry presented to them. They didn't know how much cruelty was cramped with the world.

"How many times do you see him in personal?"

"I worked alongside him regularly."

"You ever played chess with him?"

Frida smiled.

"I did play chess with him regularly, too."

"So you are friends?"

"Close friends. We've gone out on missions together."

"Really?"

More girls cooing.

"Has he asked for your hand?"

"You two would look good together!"

"Why would he ask for my hand?" Meg scowled. "The man has no clue!"

"Really, you two should date. It'd be nice to see you two."

"Have you kissed?"

_Shared a bed. Shared a bath._ Wasn't it enough?

[-]

Short black hair, that undercut – and pale skin was familiar. When Meg had been leafing through the pages of the file she had accessed inside the library, she had taken notes of the data she had gathered. When she tried looking for the origin of the Titans, she had been directed to the Restricted section – and instead found herself looking at old records which could be useful.

_Wanted_

The year was close to the year she had ran away from the Capet household. Under the Wanted text, was a portrait of a young man a few years older than her with a black undercut and eyes the color of steel. He was short and light and handsome, lithe and good to look at, with muscles underneath his clothes. Accompanied by him were two other youths – a redhead and another man who was pleasant to look at.

The description said that the three of them were wanted for using the military's 3DMG.

_Click._

The mechanism in Meg's head whirred.

Levi.

This seemed so familiar.

Levi and Erwin had a connection, and she knew she could finally comprehend it. Levi was a criminal, a sinner, and Erwin had a past. More to him than a rejected proposal and unrequited love.

But Erwin hadn't even tried!

He wouldn't be that kind of man!

Looking back now, it was a shame she did think it was a sad story, but it was Erwin's _choice_. He hadn't pursued her, but he had loved her and that was it. If he even felt the same for her, then Meg wagered, he wouldn't even make an effort to try. In the first place, what did he really think of this relationship?

This line of work meant protecting people.

Suddenly, she ached for something.

[-]

Jack,

Don't write to me. Again. I could've spent the time I spent reading your letter on cleaning, goddamnit.

-Levi

* * *

Dear Levi,

I won't stop.

-Jack

* * *

Jack,

Fuck you.

-Levi

* * *

Dear Levi,

Want to do it anal? I never realized you were into your fellow males.

-Jack

* * *

Jack,

You're disgusting.

-Levi

* * *

Levi,

Just curious. Ass or boobs?

-Jack

* * *

How about shut the fuck up?

-Levi

* * *

[-]

"Good thing you bargained with me than yourself," her brother told her. He looked at her, older and wiser. Full of worry. Full of youth. Give a little, get a lot.

"Well, it's my choice. I won't be fertile at this rate. The military's not the healthiest place to be," Meg insisted.

"You look thinner."

"Of course I am. Still going to have to look pretty for the sake of keeping up appearances. I kind of miss my vanity."

"So, it's good you have the funding, though. Which Houses have already consented?"

"The Reiss, I mean, Frida Reiss made her donation known. Then followed by the Starks, and the Vanes, naturally… Hmm, I've got some minor Houses making a donation. Three remain to donate. Which is why I cannot leave yet."

"And which Houses are that?"

"The Abellard and the royal family and the Greys."

"Anyone wanting to pick a bone at my fair sister?"

"I think the Abellard and the royal family do." Meg hastily rubbed her hands together. "If anyone wants to lay a hand on me, I'll give them hell. I can use my bow and arrow."

"You know how to fight, do you?"

"Of course, I did. I sparred with my fellow soldiers."

"Oh well. Take care of yourself. If the Abellard will want to ruin you… They'd take away your weapons. They'd have someone rape you. They'd **_pull_** you down."

"Seems like you've been learning how to play. I'll play them like a game, boy. My fights choose me." She held onto the smile forming from her dimples. If they could make her pay, ha! They were tired and they were trying.

"It'll be more high stakes for ye to play," Ross predicted.

Meg closed her eyes.

"Let them come. Let them know that they wanted me."

[-]

They said her name when she snuck out of the palace, accompanied by Frida. Hidden by her green military cape, Frida's hand locked around hers.

"I'm glad you said yes to this," Meg whispered, as they passed by a few stalls. Seedy smells. Odor. Frida's nose wrinkled slightly but she managed an uneasy smile at Meg.

"As a lady, it's our duty to put the needs of others before our own," Frida whispered.

"Well-said, Lady Reiss." Meg let the hood fall. A dirty child stood in front of her, freckled and with dark hair. More children followed.

As Meg continued to drop the loaves of bread from her basket, she let her eyes look at the sky.

[-]

Erwin wouldn't come for her.

She had Frida go back to the palace; she wanted to be alone. Her veins were hot and it was stuffy in a dress. Fanning herself, she walked around. The nobles said her name, the people came to her and yet things hit and didn't hit.

Titans.

Humans.

Sometimes, who was the more monstrous?

"Long time no see. You've grown to be a beauty, I see."

Meg frowned and looked.

An old man with guns in front of her. Same old hat, same old bloodthirsty eyes that clouded. His wrinkles crinkled, and he knew her by the sight of her blue eyes and red hair.

"Long time no see, too." She produced a smile.

This man was **_dangerous_**.

**Note:** Kenny Ackerman's official entrance! Not much shipping there, for now, focusing on character development. A few more chapters and we'll have where the series officially begins.


	9. A Lusty Pin

**EMPIRE**

**Chapter 9:** **A Lusty Pin**

**Summary:** "My heart is set on a lusty pin," she whispered. A line of poetry, one of those things she wrote away at when she had no one to write to.

* * *

"I didn't think my old pupil would get attached and even attracted to you," the man chuckled. Meg's brow furrowed. What old pupil? The only person popping in her head was Erwin. Damn it, Erwin! Bothering her at a time like this. He was packed with weapon - and poking from his pocket was an explosive.

"E-Eh?" She blushed.

"Oh, so you don't know? I think I understand now. I'm going to make this quick."

_They'll pull you down_.

Someone wanted her _dead_. It came too easily. Meg scanned the man's hands. Not neat, but still, callused. The first person she remembered all of a sudden was Levi. Really, she resisted the urge to laugh. First, Levi and now him. How great!

"I know why you're here," Meg declared. "You're going to kill me, aren't you? I've seen you before."

He slid the blade and then lunged for her. As he passed her, her fingers moved, and fingered something from his pockets.

What Meg did was to step away. The blur of his hat- then his foot collided with the wall that was behind her. It crashed, and it was the smell of gunpowder and dried blood. He smelled a bit like Levi – except he smelled more of the grimness of death. He was a fight, and the necklace on Meg's neck was rope. She jumped, in her dress, the voices in her head spurring her on. She wasn't really surprised. After all, the imaginary blades in her back were more than enough to give her the nightmares.

The shivers moved from her shoulder blades in double time. Without warning, she let her fingers lace through the bow and arrow she hid in the basket and pulled it out.

"That won't work on me," said the old man.

Meg aimed for the wall and pulled the bow across her fingers. She let a grim smile decorate her face. A smile would do. He wouldn't keep up with the flicker in her heart. The arrow hit the wall. Before that, however – The old man's fingers laced across her throat and then the stone wall became the foundation of her back. Meg's legs kicked across him and hit him across the stomach, memory giving her back the sensation of fighting.

He was pushed away slightly.

"Still resisting? Well, that's a good effort."

She bit her tongue and kicked his face. In the nose to be exact, and he landed on the floor.

"The Abellard sent you, didn't they?"

"They fucking sure did."

He effortlessly stood up and lunged to attack again – and Meg quickly countered his punch by using her elbow as a shield. However, he slammed her face to the wall, fingers lacing on her throat harder than before.

_I'm not giving up_. She wouldn't – and her first reaction to rise was to bite the fingers on her mouth. She tasted blood, and then his skin released from her face. While he was distracted, Meg effortlessly twisted his arm hard and elbowed him in the face and kicked his stomach and groin, to which he fell on the ground.

His hand squeezed her ankle tightly, then she landed on the ground. He hovered above her, and pulled out a knife, positioned to slice her throat. When she noticed the hand with the knife hover closer to her, she headbutted him – and then there was a raw pain at her shoulder.

His foot crushed her head on the floor. Dirt covered her face and she choked on dust, on air.

"Weak. I see now why my pupil took a liking to protecting the likes of you. You'd never hurt a fly, would you?"

Meg craned her head. Then she spat on his face.

_You don't know me._

This sudden tug on her veins was renewed, and there was something dark that pierced within her soul, in that endless void of memories and minds and strategies she buried in her head, muddling with her nightmares and dreams. Her blood was a flag, the blood rubies and gold. The fires on her hair, the darkening alleyway suddenly a warzone. Nothing had hit, but the voices burned.

_If you want to fight, think._

This thing in her heart. Suddenly, she managed to overpower him. What next happened was a blur – of colors. Jumped on the rope attached to the arrow, climbing with every fierce dignity a lady could muster.

"I wasn't aiming for it in the first place," she snapped. When she reached the top of the building, she let the vial hit the floor.

It exploded in a burst of color. The grayscale, the falling of northern and southern downpour from where she was standing, the moistness that followed. Standing on the top, she knew she wasn't looking that good. When she looked down, underneath the cape, there were rips – and bruises on her skin.

Another enemy felled. The Abellard had to bent down. They didn't know who Meg Capet was. They didn't know how much they underestimated her – the bread-feeding, the smiling and that grins she gave casually. Out there, was a room that was cold and dark and it had mazes, and she would stand there, making it. She had moved through the capital, she had killed ten titans on her own, and the people she had talked to. Oh, how nice it would be – to smile and to laugh and to cry, but then, it was just the beginning.

One day, they would whisper her name. They would fear the yellow flicker in her heart, the colors disappearing. They would fear her, they would love her. They were everyone who had laid fingers on her.

Suddenly, she felt herself smile. Then she laughed like a child. She laughed for the world that burned, she laughed for the dead, for the innocent ones, the kings of the generations. Then she laughed for the naïve, like her, who had thought that life was once a song.

[-]

When she was dressing herself in the old room of the base, she looked at the mirror, clad in her underwear. Her stomach was flat, and she was growing thinner. Her skin was pale, her nose sharp, her cheeks losing their ruddiness. Her shoulder had a new scar, and around her neck were new bruises. Her red hair fell over her face.

Then she put back the military uniform, and from that point, left the base alone.

She didn't want to talk to anyone.

[-]

Levi's arrival, he had not expected; this was unusually early an arrival from a mission. Levi had taken Charlie Hunter with him and the other members of the squad. While Erwin himself, he had gone with Braun to Shadis' other pretext and Meg had left to her own devices, Erwin himself had little idea to track down the redhead with the water in his eyes and the desperation that clawed at her.

"You let her go?"

"She left on her own," Erwin replied. "Shadis was fine with it because he had little understanding of how politics worked." Shadis would be fine with it. Levi would know better than to question Meg's affinity for politics. It was there all along; she knew better to move through a maze and a chessboard with her heart in her hands and her driving desire to save and contribute to Humanity's last hope.

Levi sighed.

"It's dangerous there," he growled. "What were you _thinking_, sending her out there with no guard?"

"We had a quarrel and she wouldn't agree with me, so she acted on her own," Erwin replied calmly. "I got angry at her, she got angry at me."

"Don't you think you two are too close? It seems too personal," Hanji's voice sang from the kitchen. "Charlie was complaining about hearing you two yell at each other when she was sleeping with Braun."

_Hanji has a point._

"You know," Hanji went on, "maybe you're leading her on."

"I wouldn't have feelings for her at all," came Erwin's swift reply.

[-]

The next day came and Shadis had her called into a meeting with Erwin and he himself. There would be more missions and expeditions coming, and Meg didn't have a heart to complain. Her hair was a mess, and she couldn't bother sleeping decently because of the pain of the wounds. Instead of opting to wear her hair up, she let her hair cover her neck, the bruises.

Shadis seemed stressed more than ever, when he entered the room, and Erwin's demeanor had awfully changed. He was changing so much it was scary, but then, she had changed, too.

"How was the mission?"

"It was successful. I managed to get the donations," Meg replied. A beam shot up her face and she greeted Shadis gingerly. "Everyone but the Abellard made their contributions."

"Did you do it at a _price_?" Erwin asked suddenly.

"Tch." Meg giggled. "Of course, I did."

"What _price_?"

"I offered my hand –"

Shadis and Erwin stared at her.

"I offered to be a wife, but then I wouldn't be fertile," Meg explained. "So I offered my brother instead, and that's pretty much how I convinced everyone to make a deal with me." As she spoke, her fingers rubbed through her hair and she unexpectedly pulled it up.

"Who did that to you?" Erwin asked.

"Did what?"

"Those bruises on your neck?"

"Nevermind," she snapped.

* * *

_It wasn't the first time she would be angry with him, Erwin would later recount. She had seen through him, and he knew so little of her. He would fall for her beauty, if he would let himself be charmed. Any man would be lucky to have her smiling on him. She was the rose of the military, but she had a vision and vocation and a drive, and her heart was lost. She navigated maps and mazes, and waded through the unknown, with him._

_She was that one last chance he could have held out. He could love her, it would be pitiful if he just let her slide away from him. Levi didn't understand her, because he was a man who could be simple sometimes, and it would take him a thousand days to truly comprehend her._

_She waded in and out of his thoughts._

* * *

[-]

"How much are you going to keep that up?" Erwin sighed. It was playing chess in the night again. Tomorrow, he'd go on a mission with Shadis, and she would have a week's mission somewhere in Trost – and then followed by a visit to Shiganshina, where Grisha, a doctor, needed more help to deal with certain things. "You're only growing more restless."

"As long as I need to. There's no prince waiting for me. I've accepted that fact."

Erwin looked at her.

"That's almost a pity. You're young and pretty and you could've married a nice man. Had children."

"**Don't** talk of that." She took his pawn. "Our choices decide our fate. Like you did."

"You would never fall in love, would you?"

"What could I care less for?" She rubbed her neck, her eyes bloodshot and skin pale.

The door opened.

"Abellard's sent us funds," Shadis' voice chimed in.

Meg sighed and stood up from the table. She almost knocked over the pitcher of water.

"Meg?"

"I beg my leave. I want to sleep."

[-]

"Charlie, how do you know if you're in love?"

"Hmm, you don't eat. You sing to yourself, your color is nice and you act all giddy." Charlie paused for a moment. "You think about that person a lot."

_Braun's in love_, she realized.

When she looked back at Charlie, Charlie was grinning like a regular idiot.

"Do you do the same?"

"What do you mean?"

"You know, you think about that person a lot. You sing to yourself. You act giddy."

"I think I do."

"Great!"

Charlie frowned.

"I think it's Braun, too."

[-]

He'll never be hers. Not this way, Meg thought miserably, as she brushed her hair. Not this way that he wouldn't look at her like she was someone. Hell, what did he even think about? Certainly not her. It wouldn't be her. He never told her if she looked pretty, or if he thought she was growing prettier everyday, her smiles, or how she easily smiled so well on him that her warmth to him was something he required from her. She remembered wanting his approval, smiling on him, and the feeling of excitement he was going to be her friend and his queen, but what extent did he have to continue being tied to her?

He wouldn't be hers, and she wouldn't be his, because they had chess pieces, and it was hard figuring out things with him because it was confusing and it was tempting to go to a bar and drink herself out.

So when not with Erwin, she spilled her thoughts on the night sky and the pages of her journal.

[-]

_Dear Charlie,_

_While I write, I am with Erwin Smith at expedition, while you are on your missions. From what I've heard, you're away with Humanity's Strongest. It's one of the longest expeditions we've been, and Erwin and I are close. Mike tries to room and Erwin knows better because Mike will ravage the whorehouses and sleep there. Isn't it awful?_

_Well, Erwin's writing notes and they're addressed to Levi and Hanji, and they're business ones. However, occasionally, he'll pull out a short piece of paper and write at it for a long time like he is trying to be more introverted and more personal. He fell asleep and I managed to look at the paper and it was addressed to your lady friend. I think he's sweet on her, and she's sweet on him and they should be together, but he seems to be aiming for a higher position and so is she, and they might as well have nothing at all._

_I don't think he'll give that note to her, but when we talk of her, he occasionally goes soft and then holds it back. I have to ask him if he loves her but he won't admit that truth and he'll go commando and I have to be at his beck and call._

_I don't think he wants to lose her._

_Anyway, Charlie, I miss our little talks. Keep warm and safe, because you're reckless and tactless._

_-Braun_

* * *

_Dear Braun,_

_Oh, really? I've never been the type for long letters, but for you, I'll make my own exceptions. I'm with Corporal Levi. YECH. Corporal. You'd think he sounded fancy but in reality, his personality is far from fancy. I tried seducing him years ago and well, I had enough mind to ask him about if he remembered that. The man is a clean freak and he just beat me up for having a messy trunk with stuff. I should have made Meg clean my trunk for me. _

_Well, he's complex as fuck like Erwin. Only a woman like Meg can handle them both. If any of them would break down, she would never judge them. And Meg, well, she's mine before those men's so they better acknowledge me first than her. _

_Well, as far as Meg and Erwin go, they're as thick as thieves. Only thing missing is that she goes slip into his bedroom and there's blood in the sheets. I can imagine them getting married and having babies._

_Blah._

_I miss our little talks as well._

_Love,_

_Your Charlie_

* * *

[-]

Sometimes, they requested her presence at the training camps – and Meg did what was needed. She often substituted, and walked around Trost in her uniform. When in civilian, she took whatever bread left and gave children food. Sometimes, she could sleep – but not without seeing those visions in her head. When she left behind food in children's hands, when she talked to others about not giving up, sometimes, it felt right. The mission to Shiganshina was successful, but she wouldn't disclose the happenings to anyone; she did what she had to, and played the chessboard because she fought.

Rock, scissors, paper. Don't blink, don't avoid eye contact. Smile and sit straight. Look pretty and neat. When Erwin wasn't there, sometimes, she tried to think of some things. In training camp, she'd talk and there, give what was needed. If there was a girl who needed advice, she gave it. Words from her mouth and smiles all around, no one would think she was a survivor. Team Mom was her new role, Cool Big Sister was her new title, and no one would think underneath her smiles, she was silk hiding steel. Mistress Meg the one who took new recruits under her wing and hid a yellow flicker in her chest. There were many meetings, many words, she noted them all and hid them in her head.

Every once so often, she noticed things. Erwin's smiles were rare, and when they talked, it became more urgent. When she spent the night at her room, sometimes, he confused her but she said nothing and the fondness was there. Less touching of hands, but she noticed how he looked at her with a shine on his eye then the next minute, be all businesslike. Shadis' tutelage took tolls on both of them – she heard him scream from his room in the night and in her nightgown, rushed inside to calm him down. He'd bite his tongue and she offered to watch over him. He wouldn't let her touch him, and when he dozed off, Meg would sit and write letters to Frida, who she kept in close contact with.

_You know, we could have been sweet sisters,_ Frida wrote to her. _Ulklin liked the look of you. He said you were pretty._

_Well, no one's going to be sweet on me, a dead soldier_, Meg remembered writing back. _I'll be dead even before Ulklin would ask for my hand._

_You won't_, Frida had written back to her.

The source of Meg's happiness was mainly Frida's letters. Charity, letters, songs – and daydreaming. Being head of Correspondence was fine, and every month, she got better. Away from the fighting, tucked away in sentiment. Expeditions came, her hair grew, and she talked and she mentored, trying to live, while Frida's letters yellowed with age, and she watched Erwin grow up stronger. He was taller, becoming less awkward, while Jack she had little word of.

She watched Charlie spend more time with Braun and less time with Gelgar. She didn't have any clue with Levi, so he was out of her mind, and the better. Unwanted memories were the last thing on her mind, and for a while, she was almost contented.

Everyday was a fight and everyday was a training ground for improvement. The smiles were darkness and she basked in it and then darkness she became. Mistress Meg, she thought, during 842, was more suiting than ever.

Loveless, lifeless, that was her life. She accepted the blood on her hands, the fake smiles, the words from her mouth meant to coax life from soldiers. She spoke and spoke and sang and sang and fought until it was second nature.

When Charlie worked at letters, Meg didn't have to read her to know. Charlie was in love, and that was how 844 ended. A girl named Petra Ral who she often talked to, Frida's letters, letters and poetry and daydreaming and words.

[-]

It wasn't her idea to start writing to Petra Ral. Her uncle, now stationed at the training camp, told her there was someone who would appreciate her. Her name was Petra Ral, and she needed an older sister figure. So Meg conceded and wrote. The letter was sealed and sent and pretty soon, she knew this girl. This girl had a friend who was a boy, and he was saved by a short man who wore a white cravat.

Letters were words and they were food packages in paper and ink. Ink, pencil, markings on paper that carried the weight of people's souls; the idea always made Meg smile and think of the old days when she used to carry around correspondence within the Capet territory. While Frida would ask and greet everyone, what Meg remembered doing for others was to simply watch and then do her duty. She would make cakes for occasions, give them to the retainers outside and greet them in her own way.

Sometimes, she would offer to help the milkmaid milk even if she didn't know how to. Sometimes, when there was a minor noble to be fostered, Meg would offer to show him around the estate so he wouldn't get lost.

In the deepest cave of her own memories, Meg remembered sometimes a black-haired little boy who loved to drink tea. He would watch Luthor Capet drink tea and Helena Vane cradle her baby daughter in her arms.

When Helena Vane set the baby down in a cradle, she would go on to pour tea for the boy. A slip – and then porcelain spilled. The lady sighed and made a circling gesture with her fingers.

_Merde._

[-]

_You're a bold and a fine soldier, but you're nothing while your father lives._

Meg had laughed.

"Well, nothing? I've been lucky. I'm the woman who took power when Erwin Smith was off on missions. I was meant to be disliked. I am damned twice in everyone's eyes. Blame a noblewoman for taking a soldier's job and doing what I do."

"Why damned twice?"

"That's because I'm a noble."

Damned twice and thrice, that was her life. On a house on a hill, she remembered dreaming of darkness and sounds, and Titans, and then meadows and wings. So was this is it? The tavern seemed so far away.

"… Are you okay? You look unwell?" Frida could win an acting award for her concern. At that Meg shook her head and she said she was fine, thank you for your concern.

What she needed was a good drink.

* * *

_Dear Petra,_

_My name's Meg Capet, and I'm a Division officer. I'll be your sweet sister on paper. Before I'll ask you to introduce yourself to me, I'll state some facts about myself. I hope our correspondence will be amiable and necessary and also, beneficial for both sides. We will be sisters once your training is over, I assure you, by that time. I work closely with Squad Leader Erwin Smith and we are both under Shadis' command. _

_I'm an adult, and I love lemoncakes. I love to read books, and drink tea. I'm a daydreamer at heart. My favourite smells are the smell of new food, the smell of a clean room, the smell of the sunlight on a cold and breezy spring day. My favourite books is The Legend of Melusina, it's an old tale my mother passed onto me before she died. I love pretty new dresses to walk around in, new books to divulge in and also, taking care of others because it is my own duty._

_Tell me about yourself._

_Hoping to hear from you,_

_Your Meg_

* * *

_Dear Petra,_

_I am honoured you have chosen to accept this offer. I hope to meeting you soon once you are a formal soldier! Think of the adventures you will have! Think of the honor and glory you will bring to your family, as well yourself! _

_-Meg_

* * *

[-]

"Why would some pretty virgin call me to her private quarters? I didn't take Mistress Meg Quite Contrary to be like this." Mike's tone was mellow. Still, he smiled at her and chuckled.

Meg groaned and covered her face with a pillow.

"Advice," she began, "on how to deal with Erwin Smith. You're his best friend. You're supposed to be his sworn brother. I'm just a comrade." She had a tainted heart, a broken wing, and that was it. Push button, pull trigger, jump off a cliff and look at him with moon eyes and longing, that she was different. Everyday, by his side, when she looked at him, she often had a tug at the corner of her heart, asking to wait and asking to let it all come undone.

"You can handle him enough on your own. You charm him."

"No!" Meg threw the pillow in his face.

"Then what?" Mike's fingers latched around the pillow and he levelled it expertly away from his face. His eyes flashed. "What's your problem with him? I'm sure he understands you pretty well."

Meg groaned.

"… I…" She pinked. "I…"

"You want to sleep with him? I'll tell him that when I drop by his office."

"NOOO!" The bed fell to the floor. The bedsheet toppled over, and then the pillows spilt on the wooden ground. Meg rushed over – and then -

_Her bare foot slipped._

"Then what's the problem?"

"I… like him, and I don't know what to do about it."

"Go confess."

"That's the problem." She sniffed.

[-]

It seemed military also had some special events – and there was this military event that was required to be attended in formal wear. For some reason, this event was this banquet and there would be dancing and performances and all kinds of nice stuff. One had to look nice – even Pixis and Darius Zackley were attending! The heads of the squads and divisions were already there early, and it was somehow a dinner event.

People were already gathering, and Meg made her way to the seats that were reserved for Shadis' squad. A blond was already sitting on his seat, and Meg's belly suddenly lurched. Well, this certainly sucked. To or not to go to him? The question lay in the air, and she grit her teeth. For crying out loud, her cheeks were a forest fire, and her hands shook. The clammy feeling and the sweat pooled in her palms.

It was him she thought of so much – of how he smiled so rarely, of how he had things running with a word. Of how everyday, she waited for him in the room for him to slip in and play chess with her. For the five years or more, she would gladly wait.

"Meg?"

Meg craned her neck. To her surprise, Charlie looked actually decent for once. She wore her hair in curls that hung short, and every strand was in place. A short knee-length dress covered her form, and it was the color of her eyes, which complimented her skin nicely. A string of pearls hung over chest, emphasizing her good figure. Braun, looking equally dapper, had his arm around her waist protectively.

"You look –"

"Beautiful." Charlie winked. "Well, you certainly have outdone yourself."

Meg widened her eyes.

"Are you talking about me?"

"Yes! You really look good! You should wear that more often! If you'll excuse Braun and I, we'll go talk just outside." And the two of them linked arms together, leaning closely for support. They were starry-eyed, talking. Compared to Charlie's other bedmates, Braun talked more with her and could hold a conversation with the sandy-haired woman. Most of Charlie's bedmates could only speak for themselves in the mattress.

Meg glanced at her reflection in a nearby window. Her red hair was worn loose, with a crimp. Minimal make-up, it was mostly kohl lining her eyes, and the new dress. This one was another one of the dresses her mother left. Silk, soft, and the color was blue, with a golden bird sewn in the skirt of the dress. A complex piece it was, the designs in the dress complex and intricate as a maze. Compared to her other dresses, this one as certainly a bit daring - low neckline, showing much more skin, and cleavage. To maintain some modesty, a see-through shawl draped over her shoulders. The dress showed off her figure better than most of her dresses.

_Well, this dress is hot_.

Meg absent-mindedly fanned herself as she took a seat beside Erwin.

And she continually fanned herself for the next remaining thirty minutes that came over. More people started to arrive, and then she just sat on the wooden seat. The world moved, her eyes on him, and the voices burning bright like stars. Commander Shadis came and went and said speeches. Nile Dawk followed, his eyes on Erwin Smith, and then Pixis. Then the orderlies came by and gave food, and they ate. The food was bland in Meg's tongue and she was a little irritated by it.

"Meg?" Erwin turned to look at her.

"What?"

She forced a smile.

He raised a brow, then leaned closer.

"Do you want to go with me to see the fireworks? There'll be fireworks later."

"I'd love to," Meg replied. She grinned back at him, that flash of familiar smiles dashing through under her skin, the heat pooling on her cheeks. Then she masked it with the disguise of a noble lady's smile. If only he knew, thought the girl, her eyes shining. It was him, of course. To move from A to B, like from the chessboard.

_Will he say anything about what I look like?_

He still hadn't touched his wine. Did Mike even make an effort to talk to him about the conversation in her quarters? Meg hoped he didn't; it was too embarrassing to bring up at this certain point. There was Erwin and the soldier Erwin she knew. She knew the man, the soldier much better. Mike knew both of him and Mike was his brother and Meg knew she meant nothing, he only saw her as the soldier and the girl and student and the lady, not the woman in front of her with the three words slipping down her shoulders and dress.

Meg looked at her wine goblet. She herself, had still made no effort to drink it all down. She supposed she would wait until he would ask her to steal away in the darkness. Back when she was younger, she supposed that one day, she would marry a man who'd love her and treat her like princesses from the fairy tales, but when she told her mother that, her mother had giggled and then started laughing, her eyes hooded and gray and sad. Proper love, proper courtship, that was what Meg was taught. The knight would send the lady his tokens of love and he would protect her from the world, he would treat her as if she was Venetian glass. But then, what had her mother told her?

Her mother had stopped brushing her own blond mane. She was a bright beauty, every inch the traditional beauty, she was dressed in blue and it reminded her of a fish. Her mouth was rosy, and she had the glow of a Madonna.

"Well, isn't it what it's supposed to be like?" Meg had asked. Were you and Father like Snow White and her prince?

Her mother had smiled. A blade struck her throat and then she released that blade.

"No, it's not." Her mother had added that love was like a knife, not honey. Then she had pulled out a book and told her to read it.

Looking at that, Meg could only blink. That book was the book in her keeping, dusty and familiar and well-worn throughout the years. The book had been the secret to keeping her own heart in place, in her own place. Damned thrice for her naivety, for her gender, for being born a noble, and for having a soft heart that fell and got pulled on everyday.

"What are you thinking about, Meg?"

"I was thinking about The Legend of Melusina." The book she had in her keeping.

"Meg."

"Yes." The mechanism inside of her moved and then, his fingers were on the skin of her neck, her face close to his. Eye to eye, skin to skin, this was the mechanism, the tip of the three words she drowned in the vessels of life that contaminated her. The living chessgame, he was the strategist, the real chessmaster in this realm. She let her smile scrunch up her face – and then his finger traced her face. The man who would one day be Commander.

"I didn't expect you would be wearing _**that**_ kind of dress," he murmured. He knew the lady in her commanded modesty.

Meg smiled.

"In fairness, it accentuates you _**perfectly**_."

Her face was on fire.

"Um, you guys."

Two pairs of blue eyes fixed on Hanji Zoe. Hanji looked good, her hair combed and smoothed out. She wore a light beige dress that showed off her curves. A headband was wrapped around her head.

"What is it?"

"You two can go dance, you know. No need to go whispering in the dark."

Erwin looked back at her.

"Do you want to go dance with me?"

"Of course!"

He glanced at Hanji.

"What dance exactly?"

"The tango."

"Let's go."

He pulled her hand – and into the center of the dance floor, where she could see everyone. Nile Dawk was dancing with a pretty woman who was slim enough to look as if she had no children. She saw Erwin nod politely to the woman and the woman smiled back at him. She saw Charlie and Braun, their bodies wrapped around each other like nooses, the sandy-haired woman twirling in the dance floor, her thighs against his, and they didn't care about the beat.

The tango.

"Let me lead," Erwin quickly said, and before she knew it, they circled each other. Hands, and arms – and mostly, it was him doing all the work. Her body started to move on its own – those old lessons she was drilled. Arms above head, hips working in the beat of the playing music. Surprise or not, suddenly, it was just this moment.

She and him and the music. The shuffling of feet in this manic moment, the stares of the people. She heard Hanji's giggles and a familiar grunt – and she turned her head high, and moved her body closer to her friend's. This was just dancing, and she had it covered. But this was also the tango and her face heated at the thought.

But still, her heels clacked on the floor. Hands, arms, skin, eyes. She twirled in his arms, and he lifted her when needed. He was the frame and she was his picture, shown to the world. Together, they were unstoppable. The power that they both had wanted to achieve, the circles of control that lay deep in their own struggles, that was their dynamic, he and hers. This world was a labyrinth and they should have been together, wrapped in each other's dreams, away from the swine of the world, the utter ambition that corrupted noblemen's hearts into traitorous thorns.

The dance took a long time, but she relished in it. She loved every moment, as her hair flew, as her skin flushed from the exposure and the wind. He lifted her when it was needed, and he let circle around him, for she was the lady in his frame as a dancer, and it had to be done. When their thighs touched, it was a surge of fire in the air, and they moved together like it was normal and it was not.

Lost in the dancing, she let him guide her throughout. Hands and arms locked, skintight, she couldn't get enough of it. It felt good, as if she was singing in the shower, which she was guilty of during missions. She remembered Jack whining about her and Charlie's singing voices.

It was over, then she turned her head to smile politely at him. He smiled back at her. Then he pulled her hand – and they ran into the open night. A sky full of stars shone above their heads.

The booming.

Colors breezed through the sky. Meg heard Erwin breathe fervently like a prayer. Her heart thumped under her dress and her hand clasped around his. First, they were red and blue and gold, then they turned silver and green and black.

"Erwin?"

He looked back at her. She opened her mouth.

"I love you. I love you like Melusina loved her husband the woodsman, I have loved you for a year and counting."

The fireworks continued to pop into the night sky.

His hold on her hand tightened.

Meg wished he would never let go. His mouth moved, but she heard only the explosions, the thumping of her own heart. She felt his skin underneath hers, how warm he was near her. The open air was cold, and her heart was a hollow blaze. She didn't know what he said, for his mouth moved too fast and she was at loss at what to think or worse, do. His squeeze on her hand grew tighter, then his face came near hers and then, everything turned off and became blank and mute.

When his cheek left hers, Meg blinked.

He let her hand go and he smiled at her and said more things, then abruptly, he left.

It was a kiss on the forehead.

[-]

Did he ever understand her? Life was no song. She should have known better than that, she thought with frustration seeping at her bones. How many expeditions had she gone on to make sure she knew that fact? She knew what it was to fight Titans, she knew what it was like to bleed and to ache for something to hold onto and latch onto. Was it the fortune of war that made things like this?

Would it be so hard to understand her? She was damned thrice. Damned four times for every time that she would hope and keep lying to herself that she wouldn't develop feelings for anyone. Men would keep coming and going, and maybe she was supposed to know that.

Was it really this hard to understand a woman like her? The wheel of fortune would turn and on and she would wrap herself in her dreams. Like a heartbeat, she lay in the stillness of her vision and memories. Her vocation was to give the Titans hell and fight for the cause of it. What Erwin didn't know, what Levi and Jack couldn't understand, was it all in her mind?

"Another round?"

"Yes please!" Meg flashed her smile as the bartender poured her her tenth round of alcoholic wine. Alcohol wasn't a bad option; Thatcher used to joke that it was part of her beauty regimen and Dot Pixis often had agreed with her. Meg sighed and wrapped her shawl around her a little more tightly.

"Did someone dump you?"

"….You can say that."

Meg took a huge gulp and tapped for more.

"How far did you two go?"

"…. What do you mean?"

"Have you two even slept together?"

Meg blushed as she chugged on more rounds of alcohol.

"We never did that."

Not one person. She doubted anyone would remember her if she even died. Oh, she's Meg Capet, she's a diplomat blah blah, she would imagine someone saying if she died. Alcohol was certainly working wonders in her brain. Hmph. She doubted anyone would notice she literally ran away after the fireworks to go into this nice bar.

Slipping in and out of her memories. She remembered back then, her father and her old tutors. Her father had once invited her and her mother to go to town to look for good teachers, and they had found one. Through the dusty roads, her father had went to a tailor and her mother told her to take a walk for a while. While walking, Meg remembered a blond child with blue eyes that reminded her of a lord's, walking up to her and talking with her.

She remembered how in command he was. He was clever, and he was curious and he was going to school. His father was a teacher, and Meg decided to talk with him and they got along. When Meg's father had come into view, he got the child's name and went to the schoolroom where the boy's father taught. It had been a spacious room, and full of children.

The man taught well, and Meg was impressed.

Meg's father wanted to make him Meg's tutor and the schoolmaster the boy's father would bring his son over to play with Meg.

A month later, he didn't come.

They said he was murdered.

When Meg came back with her father, she found the boy with a book and staring at her. His eyes were red and Meg gave him her handkerchief and asked him what happened.

_My father was murdered_.

It was the last time Meg would go out of Wall Sina territory.

"I'd like to order what she's having," said a familiar voice beside her and when Meg looked, she immediately looked away. He was wearing a black blazer, and a formal suit, and he still looked as good as always.

"… You look cute, Levi."

What was this sorcery from her lips? He was close enough to smell her breath. His hand gripped her shoulder and he inspected her bare shoulder with a raised brow. When Meg's eyes scanned the exposed area, she blushed and pushed his hand away. There was a scar. Her head was a maze and there was a drilling machine pushing its hand inside it.

He didn't deserve to see that scar.

"You're drunk, soldier."

His lips at her ear and there it was again, that spark of electricity that wasn't there when she was at Erwin's time.

Meg wanted to go steady, but she was unable to grip herself. Instead, like a seaweed, she dropped closer against him. She felt him unable to resist her weight. He smelled clean and fresh, and she of musky perfume and tainted impure alcohol. Perhaps, when she got to the base, she would drink lemon water to cleanse her breath.

"Let me talk," Meg whispered, closing her eyes. "You can't possibly understand why I'm doing this. I've never been kissed properly. And it pains me so. I'll never marry for love. I'll never kiss for love. Just for once, why can't someone kiss me properly?"

She blinked.

"Why is it I've never been kissed? I want someone to kiss me before I die in the mouth of a Titan. Just one kiss. I'll be happy if that ever happens. Please, if there is a divine god."

He listened intently.

Gods be damned if he took her seriously but he looked at her intently, as if she was a woman he would never understand. He looked at her like she was a ghost.

His hand reached for the tip of his drink and he took a drink.

"…The things that I put up with."

Meg closed her eyes.

"My heart is set on a lusty pin," she whispered. A line of poetry, one of those things she wrote away at when she had no one to write to. "I pray to Venus of good continuance, for I rejoice in the cause that I am in. Delivered from sorrow, annexed to pleasance, of all comfort having abundance."

His finger traced her high cheekbone, her hair.

"This joy and I, I trust, that shall never win, my heart is set on a lusty pin."

Meg closed her eyes, and she felt him move on top of her. When she opened them again, he was close to her, eye to eye, skin to him.

_My heart is set on a lusty pin_.

She moved – and pressed her lips against his. Her hands ached for his hair, and the air suddenly became hot. Was it even in her to do this? Was he even minding this? He was _kissing _back, furious, and his hand on her hip. Her thighs on top of his, legs intertwined, reeking of alcohol. More kissing, and then suddenly, his arms wrapped around her, wanting to be joined more tightly. Her skin heated up, and her chest meshed against his and drunkenness took over them both.

He kissed back as if he wasn't able to hold it in, so fervently as if she was a divine being, not a human girl who was drunk, his fingers moving across her back, holding her tight. He kissed back so fervently he reminded her of a candle that lit when in prayer.

At the thought of prayer, she pulled back and slammed his hand from her thigh away. This _**shouldn't**_ be happening.

"… You want to stop now, Capet?"

Meg gritted her teeth.

"I'm drunk, and you might as well, be, too." She looked him in the eye. "Why did you even have to kiss me back? You are in a position higher than I am, and I am the Correspondence Division Head. We're not supposed to do this."

His hands clasped around her waist and he set her down on her own chair. Gray eyes looked back at her, solemn and sober and dutiful.

"Didn't you say you wanted to be kissed?"

Meg sighed as she looked down at her dress. The neckline of her dress had actually started showing the tops of her breasts, and the sleeves slithering down her shoulders.

"I was just being an idiot at that time. Let's act as if there's nothing between us." She pulled up the sleeves and laced the ribbons at the low neckline. "I've given my heart to humanity, and yours to your own cause. You hate me and you think I'm a fool."

She rose from the seat.

"Are you saying that anything between you and me will be wrong?"

"By default, most likely, yes. We'd taint each other's reputations and that isn't good news for me."

She turned her back away on him.

"You're wrong."

"Why would I be, Levi?"

"I don't hate you. I don't think you're a fool."

"Well… you would never understand me. You'd never understand how damned I am in this world, in this time, in this position. You're a man, me a woman and that's how far we will go."

When she left, Levi sighed and took another drink.

Outside, there was a _thud_ - and he quickly left the bar.

* * *

_Back then, she knew how hard it would be for men to truly understand the way she treaded on. She didn't know how he could have understood her. In his later years, he finally learned to understand her, and once he looked back at the conversation, came the fruition of his struggle to truly get under her skin. _

_He had been wrong about her._

* * *

When Meg woke up, she found herself in her own room.

* * *

**Notes:** Whoop. Sorry for the lateness! The poem she recited is a poem Elizabeth of York wrote for her husband Henry VII. The two of them had a very loving marriage and had opposite personalities.


End file.
